| Gail | Monday, July 09, 2001 - 03:38 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed summaries!
July 6
The "How Many Times Can We Mention Our Bodies and Bodily Functions for Our Audience" Night
Highlights include:
Kent's fart bubbles in the hot tub
Sheryl's "bubbles up my butt" in the hot tub
Shannon and her missing butt bathing suits
Night One of the Live Feeds finds our merry troop gathered in the Jacuzzi, or at least most of them. Nicole has been ostracized by the others and is spending most of her time in the Diary Room. It appears that she has already been nominated for banishment by Mike, the first appointed Head of Household. Sheryl is the second nominee, but Mike assured her that he only nominated her because he knew no one would vote for her.
Will held court in the hot tub with tales of his life in his college fraternity. I forgot to count how many times he used the word "vomit." Or the word "like." "Like the vomit it was like marshmallows and like we were covered in vomit and like the buckets were filled with vomit and the like."
Not an exact quote, but you get the picture. I think I dreamed about vomit last night.
I went to bed hoping to dream about Hardy. Hardy smokes (I don't care). Hardy might be gay (I don't care). Hardy likes his body too much, hasn't shown much of a personality to date, and probably wouldn't give me the time
of day if he met me (don't care, don't care, don't care). I want him. But so do all the girls in the compound. Matter of fact, so does Bunky.
But I digress. Back to the hot tub. The girls were content to give all the attention to Dr. Will that he craved. Autumn's breasts seemed to float on top of the water and, in that neon bathing suit, Will couldn't miss them.
But he wasn't interested. Autumn got on his Not For Me list when she asked questions and made comments during his marshmallow vomit tales. Finally, Will said, "ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP INTERRUPTING MY STORY?" She apologized. I don't believe she spoke another word after that.
I forgot to mention that first in the tub were Justin and Kent, donned in sunglasses. The Blues Brothers, they ain't. Insert any "fart bubble" conversation of your choice. They pretty much covered it all.
Shannon's exit from the tub gave us our first glimpse of one of her thongs. Can you fit the words, "Playboy, here's my number" on that string covering her crack? Too bad that Bunky had the best view.
Nicole later emerged from the Diary Room with a wounded spirit. She said she could have been in Greece. Instead, she's getting voted out the first week. (Word to all newlyweds who opt for BB rather than your honeymoon: Get your priorities straight.) Nicole says she knows she will be the first to go because everyone loves Sheryl. "Even I love Sheryl," she said. I'm beginning to get attached to Sheryl myself.
Nicole spent time giving Hardy a massage (the one time all night I envied Nicole). She asked him about his life as a bouncer (Ed. note: Bounce ME, Hardy, on your knee!) I'm guessing that she is hoping to win some votes by giving massages and toning down her loud behavior. She has calmed down immensely.
Will and Shannon played chess after Will left the hot tub. Most of the others were left out there to shrivel. Shannon wanted Will's blue and white sweatshirt ("because I have a blue bikini that it would go perfect with"). They placed bets on their three games. Will won two and Shannon's prizes for him were a massage and a kiss (Run, Will, run!). He lost the last game and she got the sweatshirt. She INSISTED on showing Will the bikini that she plans on wearing with the shirt. I have no idea when she plans on rewarding Will his goodies but I hope I'm watching a different feed.
Shannon offered to show Will a picture of her boyfriend. Will replied that he doesn't want to see a photo of the guy who will be watching when he hooks up with his girlfriend.
Mike entered the bedroom. Shannon showed photos of her family to Will and Mike. Every female that is blood-related to Shannon is "a hottie." "My mother is a real hottie. My grandmother is a real hottie." I hate the word "hottie," and I hate it even more now that I know that Shannon thinks she's one and so is her entire family. Shannon said she owns 50 bathing suits, and she brought 30 with her to the BB house. I bet Shannon even takes the trash out at home in a thong. Hmm, trash. Funny how that word pops into my mind when I think of Shannon.
Bunky's jig is up (no, not THAT jig). The closet door is open and Kent has taken the news lying down. (Not literally, of course.) Kent told Bunky, "You're a nice guy but I don't want you around my children." He said he wouldn't apologize for feeling that the gay lifestyle is abnormal.
Monica did a lot of talking but I never heard any of it. The audio feed was of Justin in the tub instead. It was like watching a puppet show. Monica talking about bubbles in her butt in a Joisey accent. RealNetworks better work on that. It's only entertaining for a millisecond.
I think I covered the highlights. Most of the camera action that I witnessed the first night was on Will's monologue (Thank you, he'll be here all week), Shannon's adventures in narcissism, and the Dueling Butt Tunes of our boys Joisey Justin (This Just In: Bartenders Now Allowed to Purchase Dental Insurance) and Kent, soon to be the next contestant on The Mole.
Tune in tomorrow for the latest developments (if I can stand to watch any more, that is)
July 6
First Up in the News Tonight: SHANNON HATES TO READ! Now, folks, why does this not surprise me? "I've read three books in my whole life." Good thing to brag about, darlin.' Remind me to introduce you to my kids. Better yet, I just thought of a challenge Arnie can give her that she can't win. Lock her up in a library and tell her she has to complete a chapter or two. Just make sure it's not a book on how bathing suit styles have evolved over the years.
Another thing you can put in the "Ain't No Surprise to Me" category is the fact that Bunky likes to walk around in his underwear. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't most men pack boxers rather than briefs if this was going to be your Morning Mode of Dress? C'mon, Bunky, I love ya, but with the BB2 shaved into your back hair, I gotta start my morning with a little less of the Buckskin. From the neck up, you look like a distinguished gentleman with your little glasses - but then the camera zooms down the belly to the briefs, and I can't take the contrast.
Sherrie aka Sheryl aka The Mom aka Nothing Like Karen Except for Husband Issues gets up and shares her life story with Bunky before breakfast. Oh, wait, there will be no breakfast. They are all fasting. What in the world is THAT about? Will says "I like to fast" so the next thing you know everyone is fasting? Anyway, Sheryl had a good First Husband who she is sorry she left, and a bad Second Husband who made her life hell. Bunky thinks she should publish her diary and that it would be a best seller. Too late, Bunky. I think I already read it. No chance Shannon has, though, so maybe Sheryl should give it a shot. Sher has good kids. I hate to hear that, because when they go cuckoo watching their mother have whipped cream licked off her breasts, we'll feel like we contributed to it by demanding a second BB.
Oh, my, the Cutie Bootie Boys are up. Not Kent and Justin, but the REAL cutie booties: Dr. Will and Hearty Hardy. My heart rate just doubled. Oh, wait, NO! Will is lying on top of Hardy! He's stroking his back! He's caressing his neck! Is everyone on this show GAY? Ah, I see now. The good doctor is working his medical magic on the kinks in Hardy's body (what kinks?) and there is a pillow between them. Good thing Will is keeping his Lolly from rubbing against Hardy's Pop. Too bad Kent didn't walk in on this scenario out on the basketball court.
Krista is present and accounted for now. She lies in the hammock while Bunky rocks her. She has a good laugh remembering how Will told Autumn not to interrupt him last night. Krista doing impressions of Will in her Cajun accent. She's hard enough to understand without that.
Bunky says all his friends will be jealous to see him in the house with Hardy. I hear ya, buddy. All my friends will be jealous just to see me writing about him.
First best line of the day comes from Bunky: "Oh, no, no. There's no way I could be a woman."
It's hard to find a line to post that someone else says, since it's back to the Dr. Will's Night of 1000 Stories show. He's got one for everything.
Krista stubs her toe? "Let me tell you about the time I tore my whole toenail off." Someone likes Mexican food. "Once I ate at a Mexican buffet after fasting and threw up." Not those pesky vomit stories again! Funny thing, though. I think someone sent a secret message to Will not to interject the word "like" into every sentence. It's not ever-present today. I am hearing "dude" a bit, however.
Looks like Autumn is sneaking pretzels into the bed. They want to confront her because, PEOPLE, we're supposed to be FASTING! Will tells everyone just because he wanted to fast doesn't mean they ALL have to fast. They're not getting it. The fast goes on.
What's a good day's reporting without an update on Justin's bodily functions? Yes, he has done the dirty deed. We heard about where he did it (his bed under the covers), how he did it (on his back with the cameras zoomed in), and what he thought about when he did it (a chick flick that those boys "in the porn know" would recognize). But, wait, poor Justin can't complete his task. He can't focus. He doesn't know what the problem is. COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY A SQUILLION STRANGERS ALL OVER THE WORLD?!? Justin the Confused Masterbator decides to focus on taking a shower instead. Good move, Jussie. Just don't do it in there either. It's only been a few days, Beater Boy. Didn't you ever watch Seinfeld? HOLD IT!
Monica gets the first banner of the season. "I love you" from her friend Kerry. Is everyone in this show GAY? Just kidding again. If I had a friend in the BB house, I would want her to know I supported her, too. Difference between Moni's friend and me is that I have no friends, in the Big Brother house or anywhere else.
I'll leave the houseguests now on the couch playing a very boring game similar to Six Degrees from Kevin Bacon. Right now I bet if someone said he word "bacon" they would all salivate in their fasting state. I think I'll go have a bacon sandwich myself.
--Bunny |
