| Bunny | Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 11:49 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed Summaries!
July 19, 2001
Sitting around the patio last night, Autumn tells us that her son has a birthmark on the crack of his a**, her ex-boyfriend has only one ball, and that her son had no balls when he was born. She threatens to relieve herself in another houseguest's suitcase and tell certain people to f*** off on the live show. So much for a classy exit.
Bunky wonders out loud: "Why did I come on this show? What am I doing here?" Now, Bunky, you know the answer to that - to shave letters and numbers in your back hair, to walk around in your skivvies for the whole world to see, and to just be everyone's all-around Hunk o' Hunk o' Bunky Love.
Kent is planning on bringing his family back out to LA and meeting Bunky at Belly. "Bring your old man," says Kent. This guy has come a long way. Soon we'll have him in a Gay Pride t-shirt.
Autumn says she wants the whole day tomorrow to be about her, since she's leaving. "I want to be the star of the show." I think "Noah's Ark" has already been done, kiddo.
Kent thinks Justin and Autumn would make a good couple. He sees them both as street thugs. I see them as Damaged Goods Barbie and Ken.
Nicole decides to make garlic bread at midnight for Autumn, Will, Hardy, Kent, Bunky, and Mike. Mike and Autumn are joking around about the night they "hooked up." "Let me get this straight, Autumn. You think it's funny now?" Autumn says, "It doesn't matter now because I'm leaving." Of course, the only thing that matters to ME right now is that Hardy's body is especially luminous in the kitchen light. Shine on, sweet prince.
Mike says he misses Justin. "He was so funny, you know?" Yeah, I know. He was a real cut up.
Today's Revelations:
(1) Kent used to have a Beanie Baby website. 'Nuff said.
(2) Bunky shaves his armpits. Not his back, not his front, not his head. His armpits. Will shaves all over. Yes, all over. Now that's pretty ballsy, if you ask me.
Mike tells Krista that he thinks BB portrayed their birthday dinner as a romantic date on the TV show. I was thinking that myself when I watched the footage, especially when it came to the oh-so-romantic part where they tore the heads off the crawfish and sucked the guts down their throats.
On Thursday morning, Krista warns Bunky that there are some people who are talking about putting him up for eviction. She tells him to try hard to get Head of Household tonight. (Krista, please don't use the word "hard" around Bunky. He's having a tough enough time as it is.)
Bunky asks Krista if he should nominate two from CT if he gets HofH. She nods yes. She says that CT will nominate him next, then Hardy, then Monica. She says, "I ain't stupid." What she meant was, "I ain't stupid TODAY."
It case it comes down to a vote between Bunky and Hardy later on, Bunky reminds Krista that he wanted to throw the food challenge in favor of the women and that Hardy didn't. He hopes that the vote doesn't lean toward Hardy just because he's good-looking. (I guess you got me there, Bunk.)
Thursday must be BVD Day, because both Bunky and Will are walking around in theirs. At least, Will is until Bunky notices them - right down to the brand name - and calls Will "sexy." Will makes a mad dash to get his shorts.
Krista says she hopes the next food competition is a street fight, because she'll win. And the street you'll fight in would be....?
Hardy, Krista, and Bunky are talking about tonight's live show. They hope Kent doesn't give the speech he has rehearsed. Bunky says, "Kent won't cut his own throat." (Leave that to Evicted Contestant #1.)
Bunky says he's just going to put the outcome of HofH in God's hands. (God made Hardy. Need I say more?)
Hardy talks about Autumn's new attitude about Fright Night with Spike. He says he might have played the game differently if that had not happened. "She screwed me over." Krista said she always knew it didn't happen the way Autumn said it did. All I know is, the next time someone offers me a banana, I'll run screaming for a cigarette. It's the BB way.
Bunky decides against spending the rest of the morning in his undies and takes a fashion risk by wearing a clashing short and shirt ensemble. J. Crew on acid.
Krista says she's in debt, but she doesn't care about winning the money. "Being a good role model for my daughter is more important." Oops. Too late.
Kent says he thought a sword swallower would make a good wife. Kent, meet Krista.
Everyone is up but Autumn. Once again, she is glued to her bed. She should do a promo for Sealy Posturepedic.
Top Ten Reasons Autumn Wants to Go:
(10) She still hasn't come to terms with being the ugliest head on the totem
pole.
(9) BB has overextended the "bleep" budget.
(8) They're out of bananas.
(7) They're out of Kleenex.
(6) They're out of potato chips.
(5) She wants her MTV.
(4) With Bunky on the scene, she's no longer a shoo-in for "Most Needy."
(3) It's time to flip the mattress.
(2)Because, mofo, they're having an f'in' sale on f'in' piercings on your f'in' private parts this week.
(1) BB DOESN'T HAVE FLOOD INSURANCE
Krista dyes her hair and then Hardy's. What? No green like George? C'mon, guys, this is color TV!
Best Line of the Day goes to Kent: "Vanity, thy name is Will."
Kent says Bunky had his personal pillow last night and he had to wrestle it
away from Bunky (Are you listening, wrestlemania.com?) and "scrape all the
Bunky hairs off it." {No chance they came from his armpits.)
During the live show, Autumn leaves the house with dignity and grace. I have to give her credit for that. This time when she teared up, I teared up a little right along with her. Not for long, mind you, because then the camera flashed to Bunky in his shiny Disco Don Juan shirt and I was catapulted right back into the Knee-Slapping Zone.
Hardy and Shannon went down to the wire in the HofH challenge. I haven't been that nervous since I sat on a plane and watched the pilot put a flask in his pocket. I was biting my nails (Bunky, please pass the polish.) but our boy Hardy pulled it out (I wish) with a win. Yes!
I must take a moment to comment about the outfit Nicole chose to wear on national TV. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? It looked like a reject from Barbra Streisand's Oscar-wear choices, circa thirty years ago. Oh, I get it now. It was vintage! Vintage hooker, maybe.
Mike and Will are a little up in arms about Shannon losing the challenge. Mike says, "I'm shocked. That changed the destiny of our lives." The Destiny of Our Miserable Lives. Great name for this soap opera we're all glued to. The two conspire to turn the girls against Hardy, and to try and steer Hardy toward nominating Bunky.
Shannon tells Will that she lost the HofH challenge because she is a moron who cannot add. 'Nuff said.
Mike continues to vent about the challenge. "I hate to lose!" Hey, Mikey, you know that Beatles song? You know the one I'm talking about - "I'm a Loser?" Well, you might want to consider making that your theme song. Cuz I think there's going to be yet another change in........The Destiny of Your Life.
Mike says he knew all the math on the last question. Perhaps he'd like to use this time in the house to do some community service and tutor Shannon. Relate the numbers to things that are important to her to help her learn better: her weight, her bra size, the number of thongs she brought to the house.
Nicole has been upset since the show was over. She is sad about Autumn's eviction. Will says they can all feel comfortable that they sent her home because she's a child. Hardy and Nicole wonder which of them Autumn was referring to in her exit speech. Hardy says that he hopes when Autumn watches their Diary Room entries she understands why they did what they did. I know I do.
Monica says that the bedroom stunk last night as a result of Will eating garlic bread. Is she sure it's the garlic bread? Maybe it's the result of osmosis from sleeping with Shannon. Her resistance to deodorant and all.
BB provides the HGs with a meal. The women are ecstatic to get some relief from a week of pb & j. Nicole complains about the salad dressing because it has anchovies in it. (Will it be amoebas next?) She asks if she can have a different dressing. BB tells her no. Shannon says she doesn't want to hear anyone complaining about the food, and goes to the Diary Room to thank BB for giving it to them. Krista complains because they gave them wine and no beer. I'm secretly hoping that CBS will put one of these whiners on "Survivor IV."
Kent didn't like it that Julie Chen interrupted his speech tonight. Listening to him on TV, I had a flashback to Clinton's marathon speech at the Democratic convention years ago. Or maybe that Saturday Night Live episode: The Guest Who Wouldn't Leave.
Nicole tells Shannon that she's not happy unless she has something to worry about. Well, Nic, I'd say you're in the right place.
Shannon Poop Alert: She hasn't had a BM all week except for the day they had chicken, which went through her and out the other end. File that under Poop-free Peanut Butter.
Will chats up Hardy while lifting weights. "I've been making an a** of myself...hem haw....Sherrie was like my mom....hem haw....sad when Autumn left....hem haw...." Hardy pulls out one of his standby Hardyisms: "Actions speak louder than words." I do believe that's his favorite.
Mike tells Will and Shannon that Hardy is too stupid to figure out how to nominate to his advantage, so he will probably nominate two of them. Let's see. Will was the first one out of the challenge, Shannon can't add, and Mike is teaming up with the two most reviled contestants in the house. Now, who's stupid?
Shannon says, "I won't b*** Hardy to win." Shannon, I would advise you to rethink your strategy. Taking one for the team in this instance wouldn't be so bad.
She goes on to say that the others are afraid of CT's intelligence, attractiveness, and power - especially Krista. No, Shannon honey, let me tell you one more time. They just don't want the bad guys to win. Now repeat. They're the good guys. You're the bad guys. And while you're at it, have Krista repeat it a few times, too.
Will says that if Shannon is voted out, he may walk out with her just for drama. (Might I refer you to the earlier statement about how intelligent they all are?)
Mike advises Will and Shannon to spend time apart in order to increase their chances of not being nominated together. Is there a doctor in L.A. who specializes in separating Siamese twins?
Hardy and Krista spend time in the HofH room talking about Hardy's nomination strategy. He plans on nominating Bonnie and Clyde. More talk about how he went to bat for Autumn against Mike and then she betrayed him on TV by telling viewers that he rallied votes against her when he didn't. He tells Krista that he thinks she is going to win the game in the end, and he would like to be one of the three finalists along with her.
Hardy is stretched out on the HofH bed alone, eating peanut M&Ms (now my new favorite candy), so I'll end here and perhaps allow the image to infiltrate my dreams for the night. Not of Hardy, but of M&Ms.
More next week!
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