| Bunny | Tuesday, July 17, 2001 - 10:18 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed Summaries!
July 17, 2001
Looks like Will and Shannon were naughty under the covers last night. You know, hermaphroditesneed love, too. Just kidding. I know Shannon is all woman. She's a hottie. So's her mother. And so's her grandmother. The Three MuskeThongs.
Krista says that Autumn promised Mike her allegiance if he would work to help her win the vote this week. Autumn denies saying this. I didn't hear it, so I don't know. Maybe she wasn't speaking loudly enough into the
banana.
Shrilltown promises Krista that they will vote Autumn out of the house. They also promise Nicole that they will vote Autumn out of the house. But
Will has devised a plan to get the girls a penalty nomination for eating sugar, which would deny them their votes this week. He wants the men to then band together and banish Kent. I always heard a little sugar went a long way.
Bunky has a heart-to-heart talk with Monica about Hardy dissing him. He is upset because when he tried to take a little peek at Sick Willie's willy, Hardy made a comment to him about it. Monica tells Bunky he is being too sensitive. The real issue here is, as I see it, who would WANT to look at Will's non-calico c--k? I guess it's like a car wreck on the side of the road - we're drawn to looking, even if we're not going to like what we see.
Mike tells Krista about the Big Brother Fan Club. He is under the assumption that the fan mail is piling up for him. Hey, Mikey! Don't open any small packages with no return address.
Krista corners Hardy in the storage room (Bunny dreams of doing just this very thing!) and tells him that she doesn't think they can trust Nicole.
Hardy says he went to Autumn's rescue and was screwed over in return, and that he hopes Nicole doesn't do the same thing to him. He feels she owes him one for not voting against her. I think he owes her about $500 for all those massages she's been giving him.
Hardy wants a banana for his cereal, but he complains that Bunky has eaten them all. I think Hardy is mistaken. Bunky has been trying to find a banana to eat ever since he entered the house.
Bunky shares that he is happy he and Justin bonded while Jus was in the house. He says Justin told him he was cool with Bunky being gay, and "liked Bunky for Bunky." He says all this like he thinks Justin would say it, but it comes out more like Vinnie Barbarino.
Today's Revelations:
(1) Bunky used to work at Shoney's Big Boy. I used to hear the words "big boy" and think of Mae West. But now.....oh, well, at least he didn't work at Burger King, Home of the Whopper.
(2) Nicole dated the wrestler Disco Inferno. So we shouldn't be surprised she is hanging out with Will. Seems she's used to dancing with the devil.
(3) Bunky can cook. Hardy can't. That means I now want to live with Bunky rather than Hardy. Bunky's kitchen is decorated with a cow motif, he ices birthday cakes with peanut butter, and he is meticulous about folding his dish towels "just so." Maybe I should rethink my position.
(4) Autumn takes her son to McDonald's on the weekend. Mike was in a commercial for McD's. Krista is dying for a Big Mac. With all these promos, I'm picturing the BB Happy Meal series now. Will and Shannon would be made out of plastic. Bunky would have a snap-on cape. A
tattoo kit would come with Nicole, a tiny hat collection with Mike, a six-pack with Krista, wigs with Monica, and Kent with a bottle of Beano.
Autumn would be a squirt toy. Hardy would be the Under Three squeezable, of course. Justin comes with a velcro towel - "Knife sold separately!"
(5) Kent's wife sells things on Ebay. Maybe Kent will come home to find out all his earthly possessions have gone on the auction block. No, wait, you would have to have someone who wanted to bid on them.
(6) Shannon sent her tape in to "Survivor," but didn't get picked. "I was wearing a hot little number, too." The Gucci black maybe? Or the powder blue two-piece? Perhaps it was the daffodil yellow look-at-me Emporer's-new-thong and it was just a little too over-the-top for the "Survivor" crowd.
First Best Line of the Day comes from Krista: "They speak Spanish in Italy,
right?"
Will, the diabolical dandy (I want to see more of the '70s shirts!), relates a story about Disneyworld. "We take a picture with Goofy by the castle. My friend humps him a little bit. Goofy says, 'Okay, I'm moving on.'" (Hey,
everyone knows Goofy can't talk.) "We pick up Goofy and throw him in the river." (Hey, everyone knows there's no river by the castle.)"I get thrown in jail." (Hey, everyone knows this guy is getting this off an episode of Drew Carey.)
Today's Chapeau Report: Our model Mike Boogie is wearing a gray ballcap, placed alluringly backwards on his head. It is offset by a pair of wire rim spectacles, which gives the look a touch of intelligence. The outfit says "Scholarly Rapper." Yo, yo, yo, Hat Head, makin' some bread, sittin' in the house bein' studied like a mouse...
Hardyisms of the Week:
(1) Don't let the bastards get you down.
(2) Actions speak louder than words.
(3) What goes around, comes around.
Bunky just quoted the Golden Rule. I bet Hardy wishes he had thought of
that.
Nicole asks Bunky if he understands that she is just playing a game with Will's Chills and is still intent on getting them out of the house. Bunky says he trusts that she is telling him the truth, because "if you f*** me over, I'll f*** you over." She says she thinks Hardy is starting to doubt her. I guess he's still miffed that she made him wash the Tupperware.
Bunky wants Hardy to wrestle with him. Hardy says no. Bunky also wants Hardy to sleep with him. Hardy says no. Hardy's going to be sorry when Bunky talks about his mean self on bunkymania.com.
Second Best Line of the Day is Monica's. Nicole says, "Why did I even get up today? Why, why, why?" Monica replies, "The only reason I get up is to go to the bathroom."
Nicole confronts Hardy in the kitchen, asking why he doesn't trust her anymore. He says he's just being cautious. They both rag a little on
Autumn and then decide it's a waste of time because "she'll be out of here soon." Yeah, remember, folks, she's heading for MTV to be the newest singing sensation. Her first single will be entitled, "How I Got to New York on a Disability Check."
A banner flies over the house that says, "Krista, Justin and CT using u." She doesn't get it because, well, Justin is out of the house. She asks for another banner telling her who her enemies are. I guess she thought CT stood for "Can't Tell."
Shannon says she hates the banners because they're from people "getting on a power trip and screwing with people" in the house. Now, if that's not the pot calling the kettle black.
Mike says he thought having a birthday in the BB house would be cool, but that he didn't get s***. Let's see, he got his favorite meal (sushi), candles, balloons, champagne, hats, a birthday banner, and cameras. What more did he want? Jordan?
Kent and Autumn are spending some two-on-one time with I-Never-Tell-My-Vote Monica. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the vote coming tomorrow. (Headdress Alert: Mike has changed into a bright orange visor.)
We learn that cows give Nicole the heebie jeebies, milk coming out of their teats and all that. Better keep her out of Bunky's kitchen.
More tomorrow.
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