| Bunny | Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 01:35 pm 
Bunny Tales
August 8, 2001
Tuesday night, Krista says she is going to be mean to Kent again on the Live Show. Will reminds her that Kent will be voting on the winner in the end, so she should refrain from behaving badly. I say that America's Sweetheart may lose her crown to Ophelia if she's not careful.
Will saves Ophelia from drowning in the pool. "We were told this pig could swim; he can't swim!" One more HG who isn't what he seems.
Bunky and Kent are in bed, giving us their nightly run-down of the day's events. Monica enters the room to wish Bunky good luck on the HOH challenge. Kent asks, "What about me?" Monica: "Let me tell you something. You have been off the f'n' hook. You are who you are when you get in certain situations. I'm going to do you like you've been doing. You say what you gotta say then don't say nothing - just walk away. You are getting down, Kent - you are getting down - and you can't say nothing." Exit Monica, who said something. I'm just not sure what it was.
Will tells Monica she could be in Playboy. Monica flips up her shirt. Krista says, "You just showed the internet your breasts for free." Krista's wrong. I'm paying a huge price for watching.
Hardy is worried that Bunky is going to get HOH and nominate him. So am I.
Will wants to put up one of his '70s Travolta-wanna-be shirts up for bid on Ebay. I kind of like that coral one with the ruffles, but we all know the skanky-by-now Willflowers shorts will bring the most dough. If I buy them, I'll frame them to hang on my wall. Do you think the odor will permeate the glass? Just wondering.
Yet again, Nicole wants to discuss nominations with Will. She tells him to nominate Hardy and Krista if he gets HOH. "I'm your favorite person in the house. We're going out 1 & 2." Will says he'll be happy with third, and plans on doing "wild stuff" for the final show. If it has anything to do with your poor Chris Rock imitation, the Incredible Hulk, or the pig, I'm changing the channel.
Nicole tells Will that Hardy is....you guessed it....a f***ing liar and has been for 35 days. "When he gets out of here, it's going to be s*** for him, because he's been f'in' me over." No penalty nomination for a threat? First, Krista doesn't get one for eating Cheerios(maybe they're a sponsor?), now this. Where's the excitement, BB? Golden opportunities just keep flying by.
Will warns Nicole again that she is talking to him too much about nominations. He doesn't want Krista seeing them together. "Monica is the brains behind the whole thing," says Nicole.
Will shares that he asked Bunky to vote to keep him in the house and Bunky said, "No, I can't, I'm really sorry. Kent is my friend and I have to vote to keep him." (A true Hallmark moment. Confetti pours from the sky.)
Nicole wants to know if Bunky told Will who she instructed him to vote for. Will says no. Nicole is happy to hear this. "I was testing him, and he
passed." Poor Bunky - reduced to a lab rat. (Oops, sorry. Redundant.)
Will and Nicole begin to rehash how mean they think Krista has gotten in recent weeks. She and Boogie were going to use Kent's children to get to him, and she wanted Will and Hardy to force Bunky to lift heavier weights so his arm would be sore during the HOH key-sliding challenge. I guess when you're all out of Nyquil, something's gotta give.
Nicole tells Will that they are the same person. I agree that you both have the same type hair - bad - but other than that...oh, yeah, Nicole dated a wrestler, and Will is attracted to someone
who is built like one.
Anyway, it's the same old I'm-Nicole-and-I'm-Calling-the-Shots show, and I send an emergency flare to CBS. Heed my plea! Bring in an alternate, or throw a penalty nomination on someone, or get with it on the challenges because nobody's eating bugs and we like to see people eat bugs. At the very least, you could bring in a lively hairdresser. BB2 make-overs would bring in the Rosie fans left floundering for the summer.
On Wednesday morning, Kent gets up and looks around. "This place is a pigsty." (First Best Line of the Day).
It's Voting Day, and Bunky is called in, then Krista. Krista says she isn't ready. BB lets her off the hook, but makes her promise that she won't do this again. BB should cut her some slack since she slept with the pig last night. For the benefit of the other HGs, her shower should last longer.
Kent says he will donate one of his used Nicoderm patches for Bunky's auction. That ought to go for top dollar.
First Banner of the Day: KR/H ARE 2 FACED SNAKES IN THE GRASS
BB2: The Reptile Version - we've got gators, we've got snakes....
Kent asks Hardy how it feels to go from America's Choice to "snake in the grass." Don't worry, Hardy. I like snakes - in the grass, and every place else.
Kent tells Hardy, "You may be pretty on the outside, but you're not pretty on the inside." (His "insides" aren't going up on my wall.)
Today's Revelations:
(1) Hardy did a TV pilot called "Summer Obsession," in which he did a love scene naked. (Can anyone find this on the black market for Bunny?) Actually, "Summer Obsession" is a suitable subtitle for BB2.
(2) Monica also did a pilot. No mention of the airline. (Sorry. Bad joke.)
Monica utters her one-phrase-fits-all: "I ain't stupid" in response to chatter about Kent's behavior today. When the BB2 Monica doll comes out, this will be the first thing you hear when you pull the string. Another will be, "Either you get it or you don't." Most of the time I don't, and I don't think anyone else does either.
Bunky wants to know if he can take the toaster with him when he leaves. Bunk, I'll buy you a toaster all your own. Just start entertaining me the way you used to - get out the cape or something - and the toaster is on me. I'll even throw in a photo of Justin.
Hardy says, "I've been to Tennessee, and the girls in Tennessee are hot." So are the rabbits, Hardy, so are the rabbits.
More banners:
W-I (HEART) U WAITN 4 U N LA SHANNON
KR 2 FACED 2 ALL
H B TRUE 2 U
307
Will says the "307" banner is from Boogie, and it's code that only seven million people are watching. Thanks, Boog. Now all our Hollywood hopefuls will be in a funk and I'll have nothing to write about except who won the last backgammon game.
Krista is more upset than anyone about the low ratings. "I don't want to be here any more." She talks about everyone walking out. This is surprising, since ratings will have nothing to do with her winning the money or going back to Louisiana to be a respiratory therapist. It should also be encouraging to know that maybe the whole world didn't see you naked in the hot tub after all.
The HGs want to know why nobody is watching. Kent says it's because there are only black hats, no white ones. Bingo, darlin'.
Krista says, "I am the most wonderful person in the world. I don't judge anybody and I am never mean to anybody, but I'm getting hate banners. And I don't even care." Reality shake-up needed.
Five minutes later, Krista admits that she doesn't want to be hated. Bunky gives her a Stuart Smalley pep talk: "You're a good person. You are not a failure. People love you."
Krista thinks there should be no internet involvement. Word to Krista: What do you think the concept of "Big Brother" is???
Kent says Ophelia's agent called. She doesn't want Ophelia on such a low-rated show. (Second Best Line of the Day)
Krista is crying. I don't know if it's because she's getting negative banners or because the ratings aren't what she had hoped. Maybe it's because she knows the pig is getting evicted soon. She goes to her room "to face my life, to chill with my life."
Later, to Will, she says, "You know what those banners mean to me? It means I have to go back to Louisiana." You better be quiet, Krista. The folks back home might cancel your Welcome Home parade.
Oh, no, another banner for Krista: MIKE OVER [daughter] FOR $100 SHAME. Okay, this one is low. Bunny's Rule of Thumb: Never be meaner than the meanest house guest.
Bunky says that maybe they should all get naked in the hot tub to improve ratings. (Been there, done that.) Bunky is terribly upset that fame won't be waiting for him when he leaves the house. (He can see his Bunky Bear product line disintegrating before his very eyes.)
Will and Nicole are huddled in the bedroom. Will says he will enjoy a week without being nominated. He also says he would hate to see Bunky go. (So would I.) He wants Nicole to refrain from talking to him next week if neither of them are nominated. I tell Will that if he doesn't want Nicole to talk to him, just leave a wet towel on the floor. That gets her every time.
Nicole wonders why the show isn't cancelled if the ratings are so bad. She says if the ratings are low, BB would give them more interesting things to do (wanna bet?). Nicole asks the internet watchers to send a banner with the real ratings number. I guess she didn't like Boogie's.
Will says people might have stopped watching after Mike left the show. Well, I almost did, but then they got that pig....
Kent brings up Jamie's decision last year in which she chose her agent over her mother. He wants Krista to know that America wasn't pleased. Leave it to Kent to pour salt in the wound.
Will says he likes the banners because it gives them something to do. Maybe we should send him an anagram banner.
Krista pretends to be Julie Chen interviewing Will: "What does it feel like to be nominated again?" He breaks out into a verse of "I Will Survive," with Krista and Monica joining in after a few bars. (I like this stuff. Give us more.)
Will doesn't have his cronies in the house anymore so we're not privy to his scheming and plotting as much, but at least he tries to find other ways to entertain us. Just go easy on the stories, guy, and give us more song and dance.
It's Nicole's dinner choice tonight and the HGs sit down for tofu (ooh, yum, yum).
Another banner flies: KE & B AMERICA LUVS U PS#1
Bunky says he would like to take up knitting while he's in the house. Yeah, that will perk up viewership.
Every time Bunky laughs, he passes gas. Now there's an idea for a Bunky bear.
Krista is still bothered by the banners she has been getting and asks Nicole, "Do you think I'm mean?" Nicole said that maybe people are bothered about the mean things that Krista says to Kent. Krista says, "I'm not a mean person. I haven't done anything mean."
Monica is washing her clothes in the blue bucket. Will, doing his part to increase ratings, runs around screaming that his hair is on fire. He sticks his head in the bucket to put out the "fire." Monica tells him that there's bleach in the bucket. Will is worried about his hair falling out. I don't think he should be upset since his answer to thinning out that mop has now arrived.
Krista says she doesn't want any of her family to meet her when she gets out, not even her daughter. She wants a couple of days alone before she sees them. Translation: Boogie, pick me up.
Krista wants to talk to "the shrink because I think something's wrong with me." She says she didn't come in the house to fall in love, but it's all she can think about.
Bunky and Kent talk about Justin's disgusting eating habits and how poorly he treated women. Bunky thinks he had many endearing qualities, though. Yeah, he was so cute when he was crushing Jr. Mints.
Bunky wants to pay Justin a visit. Will we soon see Bunky on an episode of "Missing Persons?"
Bunky tells Kent that his strategy will be to play both sides the way Will is doing. "I will be a puppet and let them all pull my strings."
Nicole asks Monica how she would feel if Nicole nominates her against Bunky.
Monica: "Part Two was you didn't feel like you should go out before Will or Bunky."
Nicole: "Well, I don't think any of us feel like that."
Monica: "I'm just repeating what you said - that if you go out before them there will be hell to pay when you come back to vote."
Nicole: "I didn't say that."
Hardy says he's lost all respect for Kent this week. "He called Krista a tobacco-smoking, trailer park wh***." Don't you just hate it when someone stops smoking and then makes fun of people who still do?
Krista says, "That Tennessee piece of s*** needs to go." Okay, Krista, leave Tennessee out of this.
Nicole is giving Hardy a massage (I wish she would stop making this a daily occurence. Hardy's moaning is worse than the pig's squeals when you're trying to listen.) She tells him she wants Krista out and repeats all the reasons why. Hardy says if the eviction vote is a tie between Kent and Will, he might vote out Will and keep Kent in order to reform their alliance.
Nicole suggests that she and Hardy win all future HOH competitions and boot everyone else out, leaving them the winners. Nicole says she can't handle Will or Monica any longer, and they should just take Bunky with them to third place because he's no threat.
I'm calling Vegas now to place $10 on Bunky for the win.
More tomorrow.
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