| Bunny | Wednesday, August 15, 2001 - 03:56 pm 
August 12, 2001
America's Choice of a trampoline awaits the HGs as they come alive on Sunday morning. Will is elated that his prize was chosen, but is somewhat worried that this may mean America likes him. I would say, "No chance," but I'm afraid it's true. We love the way he doesn't lie about lying. No lie.
Krista reads the trampoline rules. No shoes allowed. No glasses. No potato chips, marshmallows, or bananas. No pigs, gators, or snakes. No protein bars, protein shakes, or protein powder. No baggy black shorts with flowers on them that have been worn for 36 straight days. BB agreed to relent on the last one.
Monica says she was nominated because she voted for Sherrie to stay in the house. "It's not about strategy in here; it's about revenge."
Today is the day that Ophelia goes home. Monica thinks Krista will cry. I'm tempted to say something here, but it just doesn't seem necessary.
Will says he is working out because he wants to be in better shape for Shannon. Yes, it can be embarrassing when your girlfriend has a bigger neck than you do.
Krista tells how she was immediately drawn to Boogie when they entered the house. Perhaps her fling with Justin was merely a short cut to her goal.
Will's flatulence problem from yesterday has turned into full-fledged Gas Emission Chaos. A stint on the trampoline seems to shake things up a bit, sending Will to the shower to clean up the mess. The good news is that Will will be forced to finally wash his shorts; the bad news is that I'm going to have to find something else to bid for on Ebay.
Hardy and Monica are seated in the smoking section.
Hardy: Let me tell you something very clearly. Every second that you are here, you have a chance.
Monica: I understand that. You have said that to me before. I understand it. I get it. (She's not stupid.)
Bunky is dressed in a swim suit and sweater. Nothing like being prepared for whatever the skies bring ya.
Will tries once again to convince Nicole that Monica needs to go and Krista should stay. He tells her that Monica will nominate her and Krista won't. She thinks he's right about this, but she doesn't believe Monica is a threat because she will never win HOH. (Are you saying Monica's stupid? Don't call her stupid.)
From her throne, Nicole tells Will to vote for Krista because she told him to. (If he doesn't, then it's off with his head. And I know just the person we can call to do the job.)
Nicole further explains that she doesn't want Krista to remain in the house for fear that she will form a bond with Will and Bunky. Bond/alliance. Monica doesn't worry her. But Monica also won't take orders from the Queen. Jesus sits on the throne, not Nicole.
BB gives the HGs a camera to take photos of Ophelia before she leaves the house. Hardy, Monica, and Krista each want a photo of themselves in bed with the pig. When did the show go from George Orwell's 1984 to ANIMAL FARM?
It's travelin' time for Ophelia, and all the HGs are feigning sadness at bidding him adieu. Hardy wants the pig to chase him around the yard "just one more time." I dream of a day when I will hear Hardy say this very thing about me.
They all say one last goodbye. Hardy gives us a new Hardy-ism: "Parting is such sweet sorrow." I tell the HGS not to be sad, that with his 15 minutes of fame, Ophelia plans to start up a new magazine called "The Other O."
Indeed, Krista bursts into tears. She says she's missing her daughter. I admit that this is much better than shedding tears at the departure of a pig you've known for a short while who gulped down his food, made messes everywhere he went, and stunk up the place. Okay, maybe that was Will.
Hardy and Bunky are continuing with the straight Hank/gay Philip role reversal. In order to top Hardy's appearance at the pool in a thong and wig, Krista and Bunky discuss setting up a sex scene to shock him. The plan is for Bunky to strip naked and simulate intercourse with Krista.
Krista decides she cannot participate because of the effect it might have on her daughter, much the same way as say...partying every Wednesday and Saturday might, or say....taking drugs might, or say....sedating yourself every night with sleeping aids might, or say....asking a potential lover to greet you upon eviction rather than your daughter might, or say....
So Monica agrees that she will do the honors of being Bunky's pretend lover. Bunky is donned only in a sock covering his penis (idea for a new Bunky bear?). Monica, in a bikini, lies down on the bed and Bunky is instructed on Missionary positioning. Before Monica can fake a headache, Hardy is called to the room and gets a close-up view of Bunky's hairy bottom (c'mon, you KNOW it is!).
Hardy goes directly to the outdoor shower and strips down. To go from looking at Bunky's furry posterior to the masterpiece that is Hardy is a bit of a shock, and I need a moment to collect myself. I'm sure you understand.
Hardy as Philip wants another crack (no pun intended) at besting Bunky/Hank, so he smears white cream all over his face. Perhaps this scenario will have Hardy's gay fans in the throes of ecstasy - but, personally, I would rather have left it at the shower scene. But, hey, that's just me.
Nicole tells Bunky that she is the guy in her relationship. Just when we think we have Shannon all figured out....
Monica says when she gets back to her regular life she is going to stop smoking. She knows everyone watching thinks she is doing nothing but smoking. "They don't know what it's like in here; there's nothing to do." Hmmm...work out? cook and clean? dress Bunky in your clothes?
CBS continues with its plan to run viewers away from the Real BB - the internet feeds - by giving the HGs a puzzle. The plan also works to keep Will a.k.a. Dr. DooDoo in a chair and off the trampoline. Krista lights candles around the area to assist in clearing the air of Will's signature scent.
Krista wonders why Boogie hasn't sent her a banner. I imagine Mike is as tired of hearing this as we are, so I hope he sends a banner that says, "NOT SNDNG U BNNR SO PLEZ STOP ASKNG."
Krista tells Will that she has no car, no insurance, no savings, and tons of bills. I wonder how she pays for....oh, never mind.
Hardy comes through the kitchen speaking in his Elmer Fudd voice: "Hel-wo, hel-wo." Stop doing this, Hardy. You know how bunnies feel about Elmer.
BB gives the HGs beer, and Krista offers hers to Monica. This deserves a positive banner, don't you think? GOOD JOB K HOLD OUT 4 BETTER BRAND.
Hardy gives Monica a pep talk about not giving up on the game. He assures her that she has as much a chance of winning as anyone else does. He tells a story about not giving up on his life after he received a DUI (Hardy, you didn't! Mr. Perfect takes a nosedive.) He was depressed and didn't want to get out of bed, but his family came through with cash and support. Their actions spoke louder than their words.
Hardy is glad he and Bunky settled their differences because he really likes Bunky. He enjoyed playing the role reversal game and thinks Bunky did the better job.
Hardy wishes people would like him for who he is inside and not just for what he looks like on the outside. I tell Hardy that I will give it my best shot - start with baby steps, Bunny, baby steps.
Nicole tells Hardy that it doesn't faze her to see him naked - it's just a body. Excuse me while I beat my head against the wall.
More tomorrow.
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