| Bunny | Sunday, August 26, 2001 - 10:15 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed Summaries!
August 26, 2001
Hallelujah! It's Sunday morning with church services provided by Monica and Bunky. Monica's opening sermon begins with a mantra: "Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts......happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.....happy thoughts..." Then she wants to know what Bunky is thankful for. He names his family, his senses (who has sense?), losing weight, and the beautiful day. He forgot his disco shirt, the abundance of body hair which makes it possible for him to get a degree in exterior and posterior design, and his newfound backbone.
Monica tells us that Jesus sits on her throne (she's still not ready to give it up to Nicole), and Bunky pulls up a chair to sing a little gospel, Bunky-style. That means sans clapping and out of tune.
Will thinks all the HGs are "going to roll right on to the Howard Stern show." Being the freak show that Howard's program usually is, I think that most of the HGs would fit right in. However, sitting with Hank the Dwarf and Beetlejuice on a panel may not be the type of hanging out with celebs they have in mind.
If Hardy had one wish, it would be to hear his mother's voice. He thinks she would say, "Hardy Ames Hill, are YOU in trouble." I think she would say, "Hardy Ames Hill, have I got a girl for you. HARE she is!"
BB announces that it's four hours until the America's Choice shopping spree. Whee! Thoughts go back to Mike Boogie and his time spent on Shop 'Til You Drop or whatever that show was called. He would have done well at this challenge.
Will America choose Sportswear, Sleepwear, or Swimwear? My fingers are crossed for sleepwear so that I can be entertained by the fit Nicole is destined to throw when she hears the news. Besides that, I long to see someone in bunny slippers. I"m sure you know why.
Nicole arises and Hardy greets her with "Good morning, Sunshine." This is even funnier than when Kent FORGOT to say "Good morning" to Monica a few weeks back. After yesterday's 24-hour Pout Marathon, we all sit on the edge of our seats to see if Nicole is going to let a smile be her umbrella today. Stay tuned.
In case you missed it, Nicole was upset yesterday because Will and Bunky won a helicopter ride - one of Nicole's lifelong dreams, she says - and she didn't get to fly the friendly skies. Ha! I said "friendly" and "Nicole" in the same sentence. Funny me. Anyway, Will was the first one to win some sort of balloon blow-and-release challenge (take your hands off your eyes, this isn't a sex thing) so Nicole tells everyone that she threw away her life's helicopter dream because she didn't want to ride over the Hollywood sign with Will. Oh, okay.
I had my hanky out when I heard the whole sad story about Nicole giving up her dream of riding in a helicopter over the CBS lot, but then I remembered that she still has all those hundreds of dollars she saved from giving up her honeymoon. So I'm hoping that all is not lost, and she'll be able to hear the roar of the rotor blades soon.
Nicole's strategy to complain about Will nonstop in order to convince Hardy to evict him seems to be continuing today. "Sunshine" tells Monica that Will is eating too much of their food and she isn't happy about it. Good thing she didn't see her boy Hardy on the bed with all the chocolate-covered peanuts and a massive supply of protein bars.
Monica says she's going to go eat before Will gets it all. She thinks she'll have a ham sandwich. I guess she has given up on her soul food dreams. Helicopter rides, soul food....dreams fall to dust in the BB house.
The HGs are outside, and playful Hardy puts the hose between his legs and sprays Bunky with water. The joke is not missed by Bunky, who retaliates by flashing his penis. This whole gettin' a spine thing has done wonders for Bunky; unfortunately, it's probably bad form to aim your anger, or anything else, at the guy who can vote you out in a few days. That may even be in the Eviction Avoidance Tips section of the BB rule book, I don't know. Look under the section marked "Gay HGs should not wave their d*** at straight HGs." Even if they are 80/20.
Will talks about his idea to invent double-size ketchup packages. He thinks it would save on plastic, but Bunky doesn't agree.
Regarding Will and packages, he might want to be alerted that Nicole is now using a big knife to slice melon in the kitchen. If yesterday's Kill Will mood was any indication, we may see Will's package hanging next to Boogie's butt fuzz on the Memory Wall if he doesn't stay clear of the area.
Later, Nicole, Will, and Bunky are together at the backyard table. Bunky puts on his shades and Will asks him why he's wearing ladies' glasses. Bunky replies that he wears what he wants to and doesn't care what anyone thinks (New mantra: Trade in Whine for a Spine).
Will leaves the backyard, giving Bunky and Nicole a chance to diss him.
Bunky: "Why did he make that comment about the glasses? That was rude."
Nicole: "What an a**hole."
Bunky: "You should vote to keep me in the house - I'll give you these ladies' glasses."
Okay, Bunky didn't say that last part. But Nicole did call Will an a**hole.
Bunky goes inside and joins Will in the kitchen to make sandwiches. They both try to figure out why Nicole is so miserable.
Bunky: "Maybe she's different outside of here."
Will: "No way. We've lived with her for ten weeks. I've not seen her have fun with anything and I've seen everyone else have fun doing something. At first everyone thought Nicole was grumpy because she was picked on -- but now we just see that she is grumpy."
Bunky: "Yeah. And she is saying that you are the reason for her irritation. But really, she is just mad because Hardy is making her vote me out and keep 'irritating Will.' That's what I think."
Blare the trumpets, sound the sirens, shoot off the fireworks. Bunky has reached a moment of truth.
Will continues: "Somehow the arts and crafts are my fault. I eat too much food -- can't pick on Hardy even though he eats more than I do. We don't have enough vegetables -- somehow that is my fault, too." And don't forget that balloon challenge and subsequent helicopter ride, Will. Totally your fault that she forgot how to blow.
Will tells Bunky that it shouldn't surprise Nicole that she doesn't win America's Choice. "America sees she is a b****." Well, I think it's only fair that we give Nicole an America's Choice that she CAN win:
Which one of these HGs deserves a pacifier?
(a) Nicole
(b) Nicole
(c) Nicole, but she has to share it on occasion with Bunky
or
(d) Nicole
Will pulls out all the stops by accusing Hardy and Nicole of not having any inflection in their voices. I think we've just discovered the key to their power. Anyone have a tape of Hitler's voice? Inflection or no?
Will hopes that Nicole and Hardy eventually turn on each other. Oh, wouldn't that be delicious? There are some things worth waiting for. Santa Claus is one. This is another.
Will tries to curry favor with Bunny by chomping carrot sticks on camera. I see you, Will, and I raise you one cabbage leaf. I must admit that once the diarrhea phase ended, I began to embrace the personality that is Will. Evil I can handle; boring us all I can't. And I'm not partial to whining either, or pouting. I'm even tired of watching Hardy work out. Just like in a marriage, the honeymoon is over and I'm looking for a fling. Since Bunky is gay and I'm not into girls, that just leaves Will. Besides, I hate the name Hector.
Hardy tells Bunky that he feels threatened by him more than anyone else. Bunky says he feels the same way about Hardy. I feel threatened by men who wear mascara and paint their toenails.
Bunky tells Hardy that he is proud of Hardy for working on managing his anger. Sometimes I think when Hardy goes off on Bunky, someone should just bend him over the knee and give him a good spanking. And since we all know Hardy wouldn't allow Bunky to lay a hand on his derriere, then perhaps I need to step up to the plate. Discipline is a nasty job, but - well, you know - somebody's gotta do it. Yes, somebody's gotta do it. (What a day for a daydream.)
Bunky tells the others that when he was cutting Mike's hair, he noticed that he had dirty crust built up behind his ears. After hearing this, perhaps Mike will be adding those hats with ear flaps to his collection.
BB calls Hardy into the Diary Room to give him info on the America's Choice question. He glumly returns to the patio, and the HGs read his mood as meaning they will receive sleepwear or swimwear. As predicted, Nicole is not happy. "America hates us." No, America just likes to laugh at the misery of others. Besides, we're not getting any new clothes and you are.
Bunky reminds Nicole that the clothes are free, whatever they are. Which reminds me to remind my readers that these summaries are free as well, and not open to criticism. Much like 24-hour live feed viewings of Hardy.
As it turns out, Hardy was just being a funny boy and the HGs are getting sportswear. It looks like the "Let's Watch Nicole Rant" voting block didn't make enough phone calls.
BB blows the whistle to begin and the HGs frantically choose and put on as much clothing as they can in 90 seconds. Nicole barks orders to Monica as to what she should choose. I guess Nicole thought that America meant for her to have ALL the women's clothing.
Monica says her heart is beating so fast - "Even a fine man don't make it beat that fast." I know the feeling, Monya. Nestle's crunch bars do the same thing to me.
After the spree, the HGs do some trading and come out with a nice wardrobe apiece. All except Bunky. He didn't acquire much in the allotted time, so he doesn't have anything to trade. Will takes pity and gives him some of his booty. Not that booty. He shares some of his clothing stash with Bunky and now everyone is happy.
Monica struts across the basketball court in her bikini and new knee-high leather boots. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Black Barbarella.
Nicole saunters around in a dress she took from Monica and says, "I'm not complaining (yes, you are) but I'm bummed that I didn't get any nice shoes." I guess Monica forgot to get the ones Nicole told her to.
As if to rub it in Nicole's face, Will walks by with an armload of shoes, looking as if he just looted Frank's Footwear for Men. Bunky offers to give Will something of his, but Will refuses it. He thinks what Bunky chose is awful - "Seriously, dude, I don't want it." This from a guy who wears shirts straight out of Studio 54's golden years.
Frilltown's leader gives Bunky a pair from his pile of shoes, and Hardy gives him sunglasses. Neither want anything in return. Now that's Big Brotherly love if I ever saw it.
Will gets a banner that says he's America's Heart Throb. I think the banner seller taking the order misunderstood the caller. She said, "America's Fart Gob," obviously a reference to his accident on the trampoline. Now I know why Will always wears black shorts.
It's dinner time and Nicole is serving purple rice pilaf. It matches Bunky's new purple shirt from the shopping spree. Disco Pilaf. My favorite. The other HGs want to know how Nicole made the rice purple. Hello! Didn't these people ever dye Easter eggs?
Hardy discusses the toll that his DUI took on his life. Bunky is sympathetic. Had he been there, things might have turned out differently. Bunks don't let hunks drive drunk.
The boys and Monica are washing the dishes. Hardy is eyeing Will, perhaps trying to figure out if he should oust America's Heart Throb this Thursday. I don't think our resident Pretty Boy likes competition.
BB gives Bunky copies of the photos he and Will took from the helicopter. The guys discuss whether or not they should show them to Nicole, who didn't give them an exhuberant send-off when they departed. In fact, she went to her bed to sulk while Hardy and Monica waved to them in the sky. Just saying the word "chopper" (usually a word reserved for HG Justin) might send her into another hissy fit, so Hardy keeps her occupied while our Fly Boys peruse the pics.
Monica wants to see the photos. She says everyone is "photogenical." I wonder if this is a word she picked up while teaching Adult Literacy.
Nicole has been walking around for hours in a new shirt with the tag hanging off the back. No one bothers to tell her. Remind me not to eat broccoli with any of these people. They'll never tell you if it's stuck in your teeth.
Monica has become Little Suzy Homemaker to Nicole's Martha Stewart. She's picking up towels, washing dishes, taking out the garbage. Someone must have embedded an electric shock in her patio chair.
Nicole is lying on her back on the basketball court, staring up at the sky. Too bad she didn't get to see it from a helicopter. Just kidding. I must say her disposition is much improved since America didn't vote to give her bunny slippers. I, however, am sorely disappointed.
More tomorrow.
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