Bunny Tales August 30
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Bunny Tales August 30
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| Bunny | Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 03:23 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed Summaries!
August 30, 2001
PART I
Dinner time on Wednesday night, which Bunky calls his Last Supper, is tense with the anticipation of what the Live Show will bring.
The HGs head for the hot tub, a ritual that takes place before every eviction. Hardy is sipping wine and says, "This is tangy in a good way. There's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited." Bunky replies, "Fruit salad, anyone?" That gets Best Line of the Day, don't you think?
Bunky has a prediction about that girl who gave Hardy the pictures (and the M&Ms). He thinks Hardy will get back together with her, but then he will be so popular with the women that she won't be able to handle it. I say she'll bolt the minute he says "pee pee."
Bunky thinks that Hardy will find somebunny else - I swear, he said bunny - and he'll live happily ever after with her. Bunky may be talking about me, but all I really want is that one-time oingo boingo and then I'll slip merrily away back into the fields of clover.
Will tells Bunky that all the guys will be after him when he leaves the house, and he'll be asked to be on Letterman. Nicole says all she'll get is GOOD HOUSEKEEPING and BETTER HOMES and GARDENS. I was thinking maybe WIVES WITH KNIVES WEEKLY.
Will says he benefited from a good education but realizes that college isn't for everyone. Nicole says she didn't go to college. That's funny, I was positive she went to Tattoo U.
Bunky is afraid Richard Simmons will come after him. I can see it, can't you? The Bunkster sweatin' to the oldies on a Cruise to Lose? He could share his BB weight-loss tips - "Eat fat-free peanut butter for a week. No chunky pb. Chunky pb will lead to a chunky Bunky." (See, I told you he needs to change his name.)
Bunky predicts that Monica will be an icon for the black community. Oprah will be calling her, BET will be calling her, her candy store will be mobbed, she will be besieged with autograph requests. Or, she could be mowing the lawn with Kent.
Monica says that the other HGs will be using her phrases when they get out, like "co-sign" and "hello." I don't know, Mon. I think the phrase that will stick will be the one where you said, "I know what I know, and I don't know what I don't know, but when I know, I'll tell you I know, you know?" That's the one I can't get out of MY head.
A few others stand out from BB2, like "Would you mind if I kill you?" and "I'm going to slit your wrists - horizontally, not vertically." Or was it vertically, not horizontally. Gee, I hate it when I can't get a catch phrase right. Anyway, there's also, "Will you touch my pee pee?" and "Sorry, I forgot to take my Gas-Ex." And who could forget "Don't let the bastards get you down," huh?
Bunky tells a story about a woman who took his hand at the bank and said, "You're going to be a star someday." Bunky admits to being a bit hard of hearing, so I'm not sure she didn't say, "You're going to starve someday because you'll lose three months' wages by going on some reality TV show that you thought would lead to a Hollywood sitcom about a gay man who falls in love with a toothless, psychotic bodybuilder who hates chess and sneaks into bedrooms at night to steal other people's pillows."
Nicole says she wants the internet people to know that she doesn't deserve a penalty nomination because she is being nice to Will. I told you people not to send it. We don't like it when Nicole is nice. Nice is boring.
Will says he's looking forward to being with Shannon again. Nicole says, "Then you won't mind being with her on Thursday." Meow.
Bunky strips off his pants in the hot tub. "I'm out!" say Will and Hardy. Bunky assures them that gayness isn't contagious. It's his last night and he wants to get wild. Will points out that "the 'net sees all." Will's right, and we don't wanna see Bunky's monkey.
Bunky puts his pants back on; Will says he'll get naked if Bunky will drink wine. Nicole says, "Please drink, Bunky." Bunk refuses. He has his limits, you know. Getting naked in front of the world - okay. Drinking while you're naked in front of the world - not okay.
Will drapes his legs over Nicole's in the hot tub, and Nicole plays with his toes. This little piggy goes to market, this little piggy stays home, this little piggy gets his wrists sliced, and this little piggy gets his head chopped off, and this little piggy gets evicted and cries "wee wee wee" all the way to Belly.
Bunky asks Will, "Are you packed?" Will answers, "I've never unpacked." Second Best Line of the Day.
Nicole cuts Will with her ring and he leaves the hot tub to take care of the cut. I didn't get a chance to see if she cut him horizontally or vertically - it all happened so fast.
Hardy: "Bunky is like my gay older brother."
Will: "80% or 20?"
Nicole wants will to turn to the camera and say she didn't mean to cut him. I double dog dare you not to, Will.
Hardy: "It's the funniest thing - one of us is going to win a half million dollars."
Will: "It's hilarious."
Nicole: "Well, it's not going to be you, so shut the f*** up." Double meow.
Nicole wants Will to show her his penis. He refuses, so she grabs at it under water. He tells her to stop. He's probably thinking about that ring, and how it could be added to Bunky's traveling exhibit as the object used to cut off his wet willy.
Dive! Dive! Will goes underwater to protect his valuables. When he emerges, Nicole wipes the water from his face, and then lays her head upon his chest. I feel a slo-mo BB moment coming on. Welcome to the first episode of BB's "The Honeymooner."
Hardy gets out of the hot tub and urinates on the grass. Why doesn't Real Player have a zoom lens?
The other HGs ask Hardy to show them his penis. Bunky: "It's my last night; do it for Bunky." It's his last wish before execution. Not his last meal, mind you.
Nicole asks Hardy if he likes her breasts. Then she puts her foot on Will's penis. Will tells her to stop. She tries to pull off his swim trunks, then tells him to straddle Monica while Nicole lies in front of him "to see if you get hard." He doesn't, so he says people will think he's gay.
Nicole: "Hardy, you're up; we have to see if you're gay or not."
Hardy: "I can't do it with you."
Nicole: "Come on."
Hardy: "I can't do it with you, SIS."
Nicole rubs all over Hardy, declares that he's gay as well, then goes after Will again. She massages her breasts for the camera. I just thought of another magazine Nicole might get an offer from.
Will: "Quit touching my c***."
Nicole: "I'm not touching it."
Bunky: "Can I feel it?"
Will: NO!
Monica is disgusted and leaves the hot tub. I don't think she wants to cosign this.
Hardy and Bunky later have a discussion about the pending eviction. Bunky asks again why he has to be the one who goes. Hardy breaks into tears while he's explaining the strategy. Bunky tells Hardy that he understands, but he thinks Hardy is putting friendship aside in favor of winning.
Hardy says, "I've got to disassociate my emotions from the game." Okay, how 'bout starting now, Tiny Tears.
Bunky warns Hardy that he will hear Bunky say things on the Diary Room tapes. "I called you a bully." Hardy says this really hurts him, because he has never been a bully. "I'm sorry, Hardy. I meant 'bossy.'" Bully, bossy, bossy, bully, you say tomato, I say tomahto.
Hardy says he fought harder for Autumn than she fought for herself. "That's just how I am; I'll stand up for somebody. I was picked on when I was little. I'm not a bully." But can you dance?
Bunky: "You love me, but you're kicking me out." (Love is a battlefield.)
Hardy: "It's plain common sense. I can't let you run around in here anymore because you are too f'ing good at what you do. I might lose the HOH, or Nicole might, but one thing I do know is that if I let you stay -- it's nothing personal -- but ... you can only control so much. You have to admit you have had two strong weeks."
Bunky: "It's been an honor and a privilege to be in the house with you, Hardy Hill."
Hardy: "I feel much more wealthier of a man because Bill Miller Master Funk has been in it."
(DJ Hardy in the hoooouuuuussse!)
Maybe it's just me, but putting "Bill Miller" and "Master Funk" in the same sentence just doesn't play.
Hardy: "I love you, buddy." (I love you, man.)
Bunky: "I love you, too."
Hugs and kisses all around.
Bunky finds Nicole to tell her that he and Hardy love each other. Nicole says, "You're freaking me OUT!" Bunky cries with overwhelming joy and Nicole gives him a hug. Bunky: "I feel like my work here is done. Mission accomplished." And the heavens part, a ray of light shines down on our little angel as he rises out of the BB house over the Hollywood sign.
The HGs get a few hours sleep, then Nicole, Bunky, and Hardy congregate in the bathroom. Hardy to Nicole: "You were drunk last night, and your hair still is." Third Best Line of the Day.
Bunky is going into the Diary Room. Nicole tells him to ask BB not to use any footage of her last night, "like when you were grabbing my boobs." She says, "It's disrespectful." Apparently, she doesn't mean the grabbing-the-boobs part, just the showing it part.
Bunky and Hardy discuss Nicole's problem.
Bunky: "Nicole is a little concerned about her image last night and doesn't want them to use the footage. She was alright with me grabbing her boobs. She said Jeff would be alright with that, but she is a little concerned about some other things. Did she do anything with you?"
Hardy: "She was grabbing my nipples."
Bunky: "There was that big group thing where we all got together and had the love fest for the camera."
Hardy: "I don't remember that."
Bunky: "I kissed you on the cheek and you kissed me back on the cheek."
Hardy: "Awww, Bunky, that's okay. I'm secure."
Bunky: "I don't know if you groped anyone or she groped anyone?"
Hardy: "I think it could be that thing where we were trying to do the hard thing."
Bunky: "Oh, yeah. You did do that bump and grind thing."
Hardy: "I knew something happened. I was uncomfortable doing that anyhow."
I bet not nearly as uncomfortable as her husband was watching that hard thing, that bump and grind thing.
Nicole goes into the Diary Room to see if she can talk them into burying the hot tub scene. When she comes out, Monica is standing there.
Monica: "What happened?"
Nicole: "I was just in the DR asking not to show that stuff from last night so I don't end up getting a divorce."
Monica: "They can't show that stuff, can they?"
They can, and they probably will. And then you'll see it again on a BB Bloopers show. Of course, Nicole may be safe because it will be difficult to edit out Bunky and they don't like to show evicted HGs onscreen post-eviction. So we'll hold our collective breath for Nicole and hope that her hubby doesn't get wind of what happened. He won't hear it from me anyway.
Nicole reveals that in high school, she was voted Miss Pessimistic. Nah..is that straight up?
Nicole looks outside and sees that curtains are covering something in the backyard. "This is bulls***! It's completely closed off. We won't be able to see a g-d- thing until the curtain's pulled open." In the meantime, we get to watch Nicole self-destruct.
Nicole whispers to Hardy in the HOH room.
Nicole: "Is everything still going to be okay?"
Hardy: "What?"
Nicole: "Everything still okay with the idiot?"
Hardy: "I think so. I would hope so, for his sake."
I don't know which idiot they are talking about, but I sure am glad he's going to be okay.
A banner flies that says, "H & N LIARS = 0 REMEMBER C-TOWN." Oh, we remember C-Town. We really do. It's just that Will is so darn funny, and Bunky cries all the time, and....well, you know, we're just so fickle.
What a day, what a day
It takes my breath away
So much to see, and write about, too
That the summaries will have to be parted in two
At least you're not having to pay
More later.
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| Bunny | Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 11:47 pm
Bunny Tales
August 30, 2001
PART II
The HGs are getting ready for the live show. Hardy is preening in the bathroom and Nicole is assisting. Will offers her a protein bar, but she refuses. "It tastes like a**," she says. Oh, yeah, there's another catch phrase for the book.
Hardy is called into the Diary Room, where BB informs him that if the vote tonight is a tie, he will have to break it live in front of Will and Bunky. Hardy runs to the bathroom and vomits. I didn't check for marshmallows, but I'm betting his regurgitation is full of vitamins, minerals, and lots and lots of protein.
Bunky is starting to get emotional about leaving. Monica gives him a pep talk. "It's a game. It is nothing personal. It's on, and it's off the hook, and we all know who is sitting on the throne." Okay, she didn't say that last part, but I bet she was going to.
Bunky says he's "just amazed that Will is still here." He can't believe that Nicole is making it to the end, and he wonders if things would have turned out differently had he voted to keep Sheryl in the house rather than Nicole.
A venomous banner flies that says "NET C'S W CALL N STUPID & FAT IN DR." Oh, brother, did ya just HAVE to stoop this low, folks? I mean, I like Bunky as much as the next guy - and I would have loved to have seen him go further in the game - but sheesh! The girl was feeling all confident in the hot tub last night, doing the breast thing, doing the bump and grind thing - and then you destroy her self-esteem with a few words in the sky. I'm just glad you didn't call MONica "stupid."
Nicole says to Hardy, "They didn't say YOU were f'ing fat in the sky!" (You forgot "stupid.") She is crying, and Will is reassuring her that he didn't say this. Hardy agrees with Will, saying he never heard him say anything like that. "And it comes right before the f'ing game," says Hardy.
Nicole just doesn't understand why the sky would say she's fat. The sky didn't, Will did. But she'll find that out soon enough. Hardy convinces her that Bunky fans are just trying to manipulate the game. Wise bouncer speaks truth.
Will says, "I give it to the banner people on that one. That IS one that can affect the game." Yeah, and I don't believe in that, so I'm going to give a slap-you-silly to the folks who had that bright idea. I bet Bunky, he no like that.
Will throws in something about being attracted to Nicole (He put the "ooooo" in "smoooooth," didn't he?), but he is interrupted by someone yelling over the wall for Hardy. I promise, it wasn't me.
Bunky is wearing his new purple shirt courtesy of BB. BB tells him he looks "fan-tab-u-lous." Oh, that Bunky. He has left his mark with that word, and he's glowing from the effect.
I'm disappointed that Funky Bunky didn't wear his glittery disco shirt. I thought his motto could have been "I'm going out shinin', not whinin'."
Somebody needs to fill me in on what Nicole was thinking when she got dressed tonight. Biker Barbie?
Will looks Rico Suave in his new denim jacket, and Hardy is as wake-me-he's-dreamy as ever. Monica looks fresh and Sugar Crisp in bright white. It is appropriate that she be dressed as a heavenly vision since she is casting a vote to rid her soul of the Devil.
BB asks the HGs to refrain from any singing and from doing "shout-outs." I'm sorry to hear this, because I had really hoped that Hardy would be doing a shout-out to Bunny before too much longer. I'm about to bust waiting to hear him call out to me. I guess the closest I'll ever get is when he said, "Bunky, I love you, bud." That just may have to do. He was just one letter away, and that's more than most people get.
The live show goes on, and the votes are given live in the Diary Room. First, Monica votes to evict Will, because her reasons are her reasons and nobody tells Monica how to vote. Or something like that. Next is Nicole, and she gets teary for a moment when she casts her vote to banish Bunky. The drama builds (cue the music) as Hardy breaks the tie, ultimately sending Bunky packing. Bunky handles it with aplomb.
It's time for a new HOH challenge. Will, Monica, and Nicole must lie on a bed on the b'ball court. Each of them has a key inserted in the nomination box and must keep a hand on his/her key at all times. Releasing the key results in immediate disqualification. The last person remaining on the bed, touching his key, will be the next HOH. I hope Will took his Gas-Ex, or it could be a long night.
While the three are marooned on the BB water bed island, another banner flies: N&W IN HOTUB IM BETRAYED & HURT J.
Hardy is a man alone in the house with no one to play with. He urinates three times in a half hour. Why? Because he can. And they can't. And that makes it necessary to do it often, because you think about how you would feel if you couldn't, so you go again. And again. Three times in a half hour.
Nicole is screaming at BB about the banner. BB says they are taking her concerns seriously. They want her to know that just because it was signed "J" doesn't mean it was from her husband. Yeah, I bet it was from Jack Nicholson. Or maybe Jenny Craig wanted to fly something just to let Nicole she was out there to help her deal with any BB weight banner issues. It couldn't have been from Justin - he would have shredded the edges before it flew. Maybe it was from Jeff Varner, that Survivor guy - yeah, I bet he's just trying to stir up some trouble before he comes into the house next Wednesday.
You knew that, didn't you? Four people from "Survivor" are joining the HGs for the night? Yeah, we'll have Gervase and Susan and Alicia and Jeff. And I really hate that Bunky won't be there to greet Jeff. We would have seen some major genuflection.
Will and Susan can compare notes on evil exit speeches. Alicia can arm wrestle with Hardy - may the best "bi"s and "tri"s win. And, honeys, I want to be there when Monica finally gets a crack at a handsome black man after being celibate since Bush became President. Daddy Bush, that is. If Gervase doesn't end up in that water bed with the divine Miss M by nightfall, I'm going to send a banner: M ALL CAMS R TURND OFF U GO GRL!
Okay, so back to that banner. Nicole is sending out a message to her hubby (the other Honeymooner):
"If you're watching, you're really scaring me. The banner really scared me. We all were just playing around - nothing real, nothing serious. It's just the internet junkies who are trying to mess my life up. You know, I love you..."
Monica: "She loves you alot. Don't worry, she's not doing anything she's not supposed to be doing." Good old Monica, what a pal.
Nicole: "This game is NOT more important than our marriage and our lives. If you want me out, call CBS and tell them and I will walk out NOW. I can't live another day in this prison if you're not supporting me."
Darn that banner. Now there's no way Nicole is going to play footsies with Will's privates while they're on the water bed.
The three housemates afloat on their HOH boat discuss various strategies to relieve themselves. Dignity, where dost thou hideth? Is it worth $500,000 to mess your pants? Heck, Will already did it once for free, so I know how he feels about it. But Monica is dressed in whiter than white, and it's gonna ruin that gorgeous new suit. Nicole has on a mini-skirt, so I hate to think about the visual in that instance.
Will is the first to give it up to his bladder and asks Hardy to fetch a towel. BB says no to the request. Will is bound to be known as Dr. Pee-vil from here on out.
Monica is second to wet her pants. There goes the white outfit.
BB offers a limo drive to a restaurant to any HG who wants to leave the bed and accept. No one bites. (Pardon the pun.) Monica says they are crazy if they think she's going to accept an offer like that after she just wet all over herself.
Nicole is preparing to go next. "I've had a bad enough day. I got a fat banner, I was accused of adultery, I can't talk to my husband, and now I have to pee on myself." Yes, I would say as bad days go, this is right up there as one of the worst. Think Job from the Bible. Hey, maybe that's the banner's J!
Will says that his shoulder, neck, and shirt are wet from Monica's urine. "I'm going to get hypothermia."
Hardy, Monica, and Nicole threaten the "rumor monger internet peeps" and the "psycho banner freaks." Monica: "What you put out there you get back tenfold." Hey, guys, I didn't send the banners. I'm right there witcha on that deal. And I'm feeling for you right now having to p*** all over your new clothes. I'm glad Bunky is gone, because he would have really been a basket case if Monica had peed on his new purple shirt. You know how he loves that shirt. Oh, and the purple slides? Don't even go there.
BB makes another offer. Get off the bed if you want to see a 22-minute segment from the BB TV show. They all yell "NO!" in unison.
Will starts shaking the bed. Nicole tells him to stop "or I will pee in your face." I wonder how CBS would edit THAT.
The players have been at this challenge for three hours. Nicole covers herself with a sheet. Will reaches and pulls the sheet off Nicole. "I had it first," says Nicole, and when she reaches for the sheet - whoops, she takes her hand off the key. Ding dong, the witch is dead.
Will and Monica discuss who they should nominate. Will says, "One of them is going out!" He says he will take the next deal BB offers if she will agree to nominate Hardy and Nicole. She asks him to tell her which HG he wants out, and he replies, "Hardy."
Nicole is in the house, sobbing. That's right, I forgot she wrote the book on Sore Losers. She pours a glass of wine and gulps it down, all the while taking a real fashion risk by refusing to change her clothes. Who knows - Eau de Urine Stream may become a best-selling fragrance.
Nicole tells Hardy that she just isn't sure she can stay in the house. It's your typical "I think I'll quit before I'm nominated" ploy. Yawn, yawn, and yawn again.
Will reminds Monica that she will be the one that decides who goes if she gives up now and allows him to nominate Hardy and Nicole. She says she wants this too badly. I guess it is her turn to have some M&Ms.
BB makes another offer. It reads, "Can you resist the mysterious allure and excitement of the unknown?" Will accepts the offer and takes his hand off the key. His prize is - drum roll, please - a giant jar of peanut butter! "Are you f'ing kidding me?" I'm a little in shock over that one myself, Will.
Anyway, Monica is the new HOH, and it's a new game folks. I hope there's a translator handy when she does the nominations, because I bet it'll be good.
Hardy is very upset with Will for quitting. "I can't believe I voted out Bunky over that piece of s***. He sold us out."
Nicole: "I am so sorry, Hardy. I am so sorry. Monica is going to nominate me and you."
I bet Shannon is dancing a jig at Belly right this very minute, because it looks like Hardy might be taking a seat on the Retaliation Train next week. Will gets to avenge the wrong done to his woman. Love among the misfits.
(Ocean Island will be guest posting the live feeds for Friday and Saturday. I'll be back with Sunday's summary.)
More tomorrow (with OI).
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