| Bunny | Monday, September 03, 2001 - 11:11 pm 
Bunny Tales
Welcome to the Live Feed Summaries!
September 3, 2001
The HGs and SG head for the hot tub on Sunday night, where Nicole wastes no time getting around to sizing up the penile proportions of Jeff and Gervase. If Nicole doesn't have a future in Hollywood after the show, she could work a good game at carnivals. "Step right up, gentlemen! Let Nicole from BB size you up!"
Nicole tells Jeff how sorry she is that Bunky isn't here to meet him. Jeff looks at the camera and says, "Hi, Bunky, wish you were here. I really wanted to meet you. I saw the weight loss; it was great. You should have really shaved your back."
Gervase returns from a visit to the Diary Room and makes the announcement that the SG will be leaving the house at about 11am on Monday. Nicole isn't happy about that. She really likes having these celebs in the house. We may see an involuntary voluntary exit when she grabs Jeff's leg as he's trying to leave.
Jeff reveals that he works for the network and has been doing interviews from Belly every Tuesday and Thursday. After this bombshell, you could have cut the air with a knife. (I've been waiting a long time to use that line.)
Will immediately wants his questions answered about Shannon. Jeff says hers was the best interview.
Nicole says, "So, you know about my week in Hell?"
Jeff: "Yes."
Nicole: "Do you feel bad for me?"
Jeff: "Yes, sort of."
I believe this means that Jeff does feel badly for Nicole that her husband has access to live feeds.
It just dawned on me that maybe I would go through life as bitter as Nicole is if I had been born without eyebrows.
Jeff says he has said good things and bad things about all the HGs during his segments.
Nicole: "We've been giving this m'fer drinks and he's been saying bad things about us."
Will: "And good things."
I think Will is amazed about the "good" part.
Nicole says she felt better with him not knowing. Jeff says he has seen it all, including Hardy naked (I'll cosign that, bro). Nicole wants information, but Jeff reminds her that they are in the middle of a game. He doesn't want to say anything that will alter the outcome. "You would be furious."
Nicole: "I'm furious anyway."
Nicole begins berating Will again - no reason this time - and Gervase says she and Will will probably be best friends after they get out of the house. Jeff tells Nicole that she will probably name her first-born after Will. She says, "I wouldn't name my toe clippings after Will. I'm just a human being with compassion (yikes!), sympathy (yikes!), kindness (yikes again!), and feelings and Will is just a f'ing android."
Hardy: "In all honesty, this has has been one of the most enriching experiences I've had. I've learned a lot about myself and other things."
Nicole: "Especially about me. Tell me you love me."
After awhile in the hot tub - with no footsies, bumps or grinds, or long Will stories - the HGs and SG go back into the house. Jeff wants a massage from Nicole. He asks, "So you met your husband when you were drunk?" and then tells her that now's her chance to redeem herself by telling the world how much she loves her husband.
Jeff compliments Nicole on her massaging ability, then tells her that he likes the black dress he has seen her wear. She says she will wear it on the live show Thursday. No! Don't listen to him! It's a trick! That dress needs to be sold at an auction to benefit TV Fashion Mistakes.
Alicia tells Will that she met Shannon, but won't tell him where. I bet it was on MTV's Celebrity Death Match, the Reality TV Muscled Mamas episode.
Nicole tells the SG that she wants her own cooking show. Jeff says her language may be a problem. I don't know. She could do a take-off on Emeril, only instead of yelling "Bam!," she could go with "F***!"
Jeff drops a towel on the floor to tease Nicole. That will be Nic's claim to fame. Everywhere she goes, people will drop towels in front of her and run off. I'm going to keep one with me at all times, just in case I see her in an airport.
Hardy and Nicole strategize in front of Jeff. This bit was posted by Spygirl from the BBFC:
Hardy says he is resigned to leaving. Nicole said that she doesn't know what to do if she wins HoH next week. Does she do the "ethical" thing and keep Monica in the house, or does she keep Will, who she thinks she MIGHT have a chance of beating -- but then again might not because she would have voted out Monica unethically. Hardy says that is a tough call. But that if on some off chance he stays, he will vote out Will in a heart beat. He would rather stand next to Monica and lose rather than stand next to Will and win.
(Thank you, Spygirl.)
Hardy says it is strange to be strategizing in front of Jeff.
Jeff says he would have slapped Bunky for crying so much. Honey, you would have worn out your hand in that house, because the tears flow like Niagara Falls in there. But please don't talk about slapping our Bunky. He loves you so.
I don't think Jeff should be pointing fingers at any HGs who have control issues anyway. He seems to be quite comfortable with letting a few stinkers rip, and apparently they're doozies by the complaints of the HGs. Jeff eases out of the room, walking backwards, and sits on the floor out of nose range. I heard the next show he's going on is called "Survivor: the Backout."
Hardy tells Jeff that he can have his waterbed for the night in exchange for two cigarettes. Gaydar love?
Nicole says if she had taken a voluntary exit and missed the Survivors coming in, she would have cut her head off. Does anyone beside me find this funny?
At bedtime, Jeff and Alicia share the waterbed. Hardy offers to trade places with Jeff, but his offer is refused, darn it. I can't imagine a more perfect match than Hardy and Alicia. They just seem made for each other, don't they? A life spent with someone who understands how upset you'll get if an egg yolk gets mixed in with your egg whites? It's wonderful when you find someone like that. Man can not live by protein alone.
Monica heads for the HOH bed - alone. No black brother in sight. I'm sad for Monica. She deserves a night of chocolate thunder. And after Nicole graced us with the measurements she perceives for Gervase's Love Extension, I am even sadder.
At around 8am on Monday morning, Sue is the first to awaken and has a cup of coffee alone. Then she decides it is time for the others to wake up, so she bangs pots and pans in the kitchen and makes enough noise to accomplish the task. You know how your grandmother gets up way too early and starts breakfast, and the aroma of bacon frying gently awakens you and leads you to the kitchen? Well, it wasn't like that.
Jeff and Monica wander into the kitchen. Sue tells them how Nicole woke her up and asked her if she could have the bed she was sleeping in because Gervase was snoring. Sue says, "I told her, 'No way! I ain't gettin' up.'" Jeff: "That was a ballsy request. You should have slapped her!" There he goes again - our slap-happy Jeff.
Monica tells her new friends that there have been other HGs who wanted to cook, "but Nicole wasn't having it."
Monica says you can't get caught up in things in the house or you will become paranoid. Sue says you should just try to keep your wits about you and not resort to taking "whatever the hell that stuff is that Nicole takes." Jeff says that Nicole does "all that stuff to herself...all that 'I hate Will' stuff." But she's doing it to us, too, Jeff, and we don't have any of whatever the hell that stuff is that Nicole takes just lying around the house to help us cope.
Monica tells Jeff and Sue that when Nicole was in a slump, she was still kind enough to make Monica a pork chop. I know Jeff used to be a cheerleader, and I'm waiting for him to break out in a "rah rah shish boom bah" for Monica. "Pork chop, pork chop, greasy, greasy. Makes getting Monya's vote so easy, easy."
BB delivers a breakfast of Krispy Kreme donuts (can I come?), eggs, bacon, BANANAS, and more. Jeff, Sue, and Gervase decide it's time to wake up the others, and they choose water as their weapon. They throw it on the sleepers and stir them from Dreamland. I think snowballs would have made better TV, but then what do I know? I never ate a bug in my life.
With all the food on the table, Nicole is still compelled to cook. She says, "I don't cook in the morning," and then contradicts herself by whipping up an Egg Beater fritatta with turkey bacon for the healthy eaters. I remember that this is how she shows love, and there's no doubt she loved the show "Survivor" and also the show "Survivor: the Outback." And so I think she loves Sue the bear-killer and Alicia the chicken-killer and the cute boys from "Survivor" and wants to make them an Egg Beater fritatta to prove her adoration. I need to let Nicole know that, should we meet, Krispy Kremes will be enough for Bunny.
Jeff and Sue are alone outside.
Sue: "Nicole is like, possessive, over that kitchen."
Jeff: "She was a b1tch over that shower this morning. It would have been a minute for me to get in and out and she had to be first."
Sue: "She is not a morning person. That is something that has to start when you are young, being a morning person."
I'm tempted to say something here about someone not being an afternoon or evening or night person either, but I won't.
Alicia yells, "Hey, Nicole, what do I do with the wet towels?" It looks like Nicole's position as Lordess of Linens is no secret.
Breakfast conversation revolves around Survivor stories. Somewhere in there, Jeff asks Nicole:
"Have you ever had sex in public?" Nicole: "Well, yeah. Hasn't everyone?"
It's almost time for the Monday meeting and the visitors are invited to stick around. The shopping list will be put off until later in the afternoon, but Hardy thinks they should request Nytol. Alicia says that just doesn't feel right.
Nicole decides not to bother getting dressed today. Sue tells her she might feel better if she put on makeup more often. I'm thinking that's okay with me, as long as Sue pilfers that blue eyeshadow that Nicole seems to be fond of.
Right before the meeting, some of the SG are seen hiding personal belongings of the HGs. Hardy's toothbrush is a target, as is one of Nicole's wedding photos. Those little Survivor scamps!
At the meeting, Monica begins with the usual question about chores. Nicole wants the HGs to tell the Survivors that she does all the cooking and cleaning. Second on the agenda is the issue of Interpersonal Issues. Hardy apologizes to Bunky for voting him out. Of course, Bunky isn't there to hear it, and Will is, so it puzzles me why he's doing this. But anyway, he does.
Next, Monica asks the SG to give advice to the HGs. They all pull a page from the Reality TV Group Support book and tell them to have fun, play the game, and love one another.
Now it's time for the nominees to speak. Nicole cries and says she wants to stay and play the game. Hardy cries and says he doesn't want to stay and play the game if it means Nicole loses. But he's sorry about voting out Bunky. I think we have that covered. Slap him, Jeff.
Time for goodbye hugs all around, and out go Jeff, Alicia, Gervase, and Sue. Thanks for stopping by, guys. Bunny needed some new material.
Jeff is interviewed outside the house. He says he originally thought Will would win the game, but now after having been "inside Monica's head," he thinks she'll triumph in the end.
Nicole and Hardy go to the lounge chairs in the yard. Nicole tells Hardy that she loves him. Next to her husband, she loves him more than anyone. Well, now I know who to look up to help me form the Official Hardy Ames-Hill Fan Club. Of course, Nicole will have to let me be President. I'll let her give all the massages.
Hardy can't decide which person to ask to meet him if he's evicted. I think I heard someone shout "Bunny!" over the fence but I can't be sure.
Nicole: "Do you want to stay or do you want to go?"
Hardy: "I told them in the DR that I would love to stay and win, but it would mean Nic has to go and I don't want that either. Honestly, I think I'm done. I'm bored. I want to get some other stuff done and figure out what I'm doing with my life now. You know? Get back to Bunny...er, reality."
Nicole: "I, really, Hardy, honest to God, am totally indifferent. If you want to stay, I'll go out. I'm not going to ask you to do anything. I, honest to God, am fine with leaving."
Hardy says he will not try to make a deal with Will to keep himself in the house. Nicole says, "We are the last couple to put our chairs together."
Will joins Nicole in the bedroom after Hardy leaves, and Nicole tells him that she thinks she wants to leave so that Hardy can stay in. She quickly changes her story and gets Will's assurance that she will not be evicted. Will says he will be happy to go home in third place. Nicole: "If you walk away with half a million dollars and say 'ha ha, it was one of my strategies,' I will kill myself."
Sorry, Nicole, but I think you have to leave the chef's knife behind when you leave. It's stamped "Property of BB" and is scheduled for the Smithsonian's Reality TV display case along with Alicia's finger and Sue's accent.
Will tells Nicole that he will send her home if she wants him to. "You told me that your relationship with Hardy is not as deep as I thought. You made me feel better by saying you have as good, if not better, conversations with me. An interesting show is the two comeback people winning the game." Butch Cassidy and the Comeback Control Freak.
Will: "What do you want to do?"
Nicole: "What do you mean?"
Will: "You've made it very clear to me that if you don't stay here Thursday, there will be hell to pay."
Nicole: "See, that's why you are such a good manipulator. I don't even remember saying that."
HGs, please put Gengko on the shopping list. I think Nicole is losing her memory.
Nicole says that her husband told her to stop smoking because she smells like an ashtray. She says she will stop smoking when he stops grabbing his "package."
Will tells Hardy that he hasn't made up his mind about whether or not to evict Hardy or Nicole. He says whatever happens, he wants to hang out with Hardy "on the outside."
Hardy is looking everywhere for his hidden toothbrush. I don't think he's looked in the toilet yet, however.
More tomorrow.
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