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Bunny
| Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 8:52 pm 
Yep, the names of nine of the thirteen new Big Brother houseguests were announced by CBS today. I don't know a thing about them, but judging by their looks, we should have plenty of backyard workouts. I, for one, am happy about this because it means long bouts of snooze time for me. I might even take up knitting.
We also get turtles. Seems that Arnie is slow to catch on (pun intended) that the viewers don't want to see animals that aren't cute. Funny how he makes sure we have more than enough eye candy in people but he continually gives us unappealing pets. Of course, I'm biased - I'm still a little miffed with Aesop over that whole "Tortoise and the Hare" thing he did awhile back.
Back to the houseguests. Let's see who we have. There's Alison the beauty queen. Oh, yeah, casting one of those always works out well. Jaime never took off her sweatshirt. Amy refused to show off her assets coated in peanut butter. And Hardy, although quite willing to reveal the ripples of his body, couldn't remember what state he represented. (Wait, scratch that last one. Bunny's research shows he was never a queen.)
We have Brandon the computer engineer. Maybe this means we'll actually have someone in the house who can think. Or add. Or at least type. And maybe he's been on the internet and knows about Bunny - which means, of course, that I love him already.
Dana from Queens. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you don't talk like Justin from BB2. Southern bunnies have a very hard time understanding phrases like "youse guys" and "not for nuttin'" and "You wanna knife? I gotcher knife right heah!"
Then we have David, the former Army Ranger. How can you be a former anything at the age of 21? Shouldn't you still be an Army Ranger in training? I don't know but I've been told....
On to Erika. Oh, dear - I saw this one on a BB commercial with her legs straight up in the air. She called it Pilates. I call it my bedroom on a Saturday night.
I think I'll skip Jack, the retired FBI agent. In fact, I don't think I'll talk about Jack throughout the season's duration. He has friends in high places - and I don't want to die.
Jun, the investment manager. Good luck to all of you who have her managing your portfolio while she's locked up for three months.
Moving on to Scott, the waiter who is trying to follow Bunny's advice to wear signature clothing. Unfortunately, I forgot to specify that it needed to look cool. Skull cap? So last year, dude. And those shades look like you stole them from Dame Edna. Try again and come back later.
One houseguest to go. Nathan. Nate Nate Bo Bate, Banana Fana My Fate. Maybe it's the white shirt (it's not only lettuce that Bunny likes clean and crisp) but I already feel like we were meant to be together.
There you have it, folks. Bunny's first impressions. Whadda ya think?
Hoppy trails,
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