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Bunny
| Saturday, July 12, 2003 - 12:22 pm 
As the HGs start to retire on Tuesday night, Alison joins Nathan in the HOH room. Nate tells Ali about the incident with Michelle in his bed. "I was praying my parents had already gone to bed and weren't watching." "BB asked me how I felt about Michelle," says Alison. "I told them I wanted her out." I know how you get her to go, Ali. Tell her they just lowered the drinking age in her home state and free funnels are being given away with every liquor purchase.
All the HGs hit the sack and Jun realizes that Scott's loud snoring is going to keep her awake. "I'm going to pee on his head." At least she didn't say she was going to NAIL his nostrils shut.
Jack is up at 8am Wednesday morning. I love Jack. And it has nothing to do with the FBI and how he could hunt me down and torch my bedroom while I'm sleeping if I DIDN'T like him. Nope, I like him because he's brave - brave to have a career in law enforcement, brave to enter the BB house and expose his life to the world, and brave to bring back the look of the Hagar twins from "Hee Haw." Here's hoping that after Jun gets tired of doing nails, she'll turn to other areas of cosmetology - like giving Jack a decent haircut.
Erika enters the room in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny non-yellow polka-dot bikini (Bunny yells: "Shannon copycat!) with a sweatshirt over it (Bunny yells: "Jamie copycat!") Erika, you need to come up with something original, something that you and only you can be associated with. Maybe you're shooting for a polka-dot theme?
Today's Revelations:
(1) Alison broke up with present boyfriend Donny to be with housemate Justin, then broke up with Justin to go back with Donny, then left Donny at home to come into the house with Justin, then left Justin in the backyard of the house to cry over Donny in the bathroom - or something like that.
(2) Scott has anxiety attacks but takes medication to keep them under control. I must have ESP or something because the first five minutes I spent with Scott on the live feeds, I was feeling anxious. Is that a coincidence or what? Scooter, could you pass the meds?
(3) David was engaged to someone else four months after he and Michelle broke up. Only thing is, he didn't have the money to buy her a diamond ring, so he gave her one with a ladybug. Nothing says forever like ladybugs.
(4) Justin tattooed a "J" on his foot when he was in the sixth grade. I always wonder how people will adjust to their tattoos as they age. Justin won't have to worry. His will just look like another spider vein.
Outside, Amanda, Erika, Alison, and Jun are engaged in deep conversation. (Yeah, I know - so early in the morning, too!) Amanda says she thinks the "X factor" was a mean ploy. I agree, Amanda, but I'm not so concerned with the "mean" aspect of it. I'm miffed that it's not working. Where's the promised drama? Where's the canoodling under the covers? And look who's factored in as exes. Michelle, who forgot to bring clothing of any kind. (Want proof? This morning she's wearing her Meat, Seafood, Poultry shirt from the Food Challenge.) Robert, the chauvinist whose Flobee needs a new blade. Amanda, who may or may not be interesting, but in order for me to find out, she'll have to stop grinning and start talking. Justin - well, I'm okay with Justin. If Nathan starts naming his genitals, Justin is my backup. Then there's Jee. Head for the door, buddy - your Accounts Receivables are calling.
Ah, Jee, I'm just kidding. Bunny just can't resist a good old accountant joke. Here's another one. What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality. Ba da boom! Thank you, folks, I'll be here all week.
Actually, I'm giving Jee too much credit (Get it? Debit, credit....) He's not really an accountant. He's a bookkeeper. That means he can add and subtract but he's not allowed to wear a starched white shirt and sansi-belt pants to work. (Okay, I know, that's enough.)
Time to get serious. Erika and Robert are discussing his problem with alcohol. He's now in AA and hasn't had a drink in 18 months. (Michelle, meet Robert.) Erika asks why he never apologized to her since that's one of the 12 steps in the AA creed. Robert says he tried to.
Tried to? Maybe Robert doesn't know how that works. You see, guy, you open your mouth, drop your jaw and say "ahh," just like at the doctor's office. Then you hum a little bit. It comes out "ahhh-mmmm," which is Southern for "I'm." Now make a noise like a snake. Sssss. Then pretend you've just been surprised and say, "Oh!" I bet you wanted to be a pirate when you were a kid, didn't you? And what do pirates say, Bobby? That's right - "rrrrrrr!" Okay, now slide down that stair banister. Ready? "Eeeeeeee!" Ssssss - Oh - Rrrrrrr - Eeeeee. Good job! Wanna play some more? Then get out the list in your pocket entitled "People I Bashed on Jim Beam and Beer" and make some phone calls.
I shouldn't be so hard on Robert. After all, he's sober now and out in the world pretending to listen to women. Robert, AhhhMmmm SssssOhRrrrrEeeeee.
Outside, Jun is quizzing Amanda about her relationship with Scott. They were a couple for a year and a half, lived together and were engaged. He's Jewish, she's not, and they didn't tell his parents for six months because Scott knew they wouldn't be pleased. She finally won them over. No word on how her parents felt about Scott, but I bet I can make an intelligent guess.
Speak of the devil, the camera catches him crawling behind one of the turtles, pretending to poke his head out of a shell. This works well since Scott is bald and so are turtles.
Mid-morning, Nathan calls everyone in to explain the nomination process - how the keys are placed in the box and blah blah blah. Man, oh, man, does he ever look good in his seafoam green t-shirt with the American flag appliqued on the front. God bless the U.S.A.!
Then there's Justin right next to him with an orange towel tied beneath his navel. How in the heck are we supposed to listen to these very important instructions on the nominations when Nathan's pecs demand to be saluted and Justin is making it impossible for Bunny to ever eat a navel orange in the same way ever again? Robert, please teach me how to pretend to listen.
Jun announces that her toenail came off. She banged it on something. Okay, that's it, Jun. I can't take it anymore. No more talk of nails - real or fake, polished or nude, present or missing. When you get out of the house, you can go to Ebay and buy all the nail clippings you want. Some even belonged to Howard Hughes. But for now, put a nail in it.
Alison and Amanda don't think Erika looks good in her IBTWNYPDB. Alison: "She's older and can't pull it off." Don't be offended, Erika. I don't think the problem is that you're too old to wear a bikini. I think they just have a problem with polka dots. They tend to cause headaches in the sun.
Robert and David decide to have a contest to see who can hold their breath longest under water. David wins by a long shot. He says, "I passed out in a pool before by not coming up soon enough." What do you bet the kid never has hiccups?
Erika is worried about the turtles again. She is afraid they'll fall in the pool. Bunny doesn't know if these turtles can swim, but Erika doesn't need to fret. Scott is standing by. Even if he's evicted as a houseguest, he may be able to re-enter as a reptilian replacement.
Jack tells Erika that they are spending too much time together and it's beginning to look suspicious to the others. I like the way Jack thinks. He must have picked up this excellent strategy while enrolled in Jethro Bodine's Double Naught Spy School of Birmingham. "We shouldn't have played chess together either." That's right, you should have joined in on Truth or Dare and done a lap dance or massaged some butt-ocks. Another tip from the school: Find the lowest common denominator. Or the lowest common ho who's willing to let you lick her thighs.
Of course, Bunny is just being silly. There are no real hos on the show. There's only Nathan in his gold Hefner bathrobe, surrounded on the HOH bed by a bevy of pure, wholesome women. Someone be sure to capture a still of this shot so that he can autograph it for his future students.
Scott tells Amanda he thinks about her every day. She asks if he wants to get back together. Scott: "Well, all things happen for a reason. But I do think about you. Besides, I can't get back together with you right at this moment. I have issues with terrapins."
Okay, scratch that last part. The point is that maybe Scott still has a thing for Amanda, and maybe Amanda still has a thing for Scott, because they came into the house knowing the other was going to be there. Scott reveals that he called Amanda - against the BB rules - and told her he was going into the BB house. She told him she was on leave of absence from work and he put two and two together (with no help from Jee). Will there be a BB wedding in the future? With Mertle the Turtle as Maid of Honor and Franklin as Best Man?
Alison, Nathan, and Dana are in the bathroom. Nate says he'll probably nominate Amanda and Jee, but instructs them not to vote for Jee. The Bobble Heads say, "Whatever you want." Bunny is glad they are keeping Jee in the house because they need him to help them count. They may need someone to point out that by evicting females, they are dwindling their own species and will be outnumbered by the males - not a good strategy move. Ah, the power of the Golden Bathrobe. I guess if gold lame worked for Elvis.....
Turns out Scott was playing up to Amanda for strategy. And she's figured it out. Heck, just when I was ironing a dress to wear to the wedding. He says that he doesn't want to renew the relationship, but learned a lot from being in it. There's your sweet Hallmark moment for today, folks. Amazing that it came from Scott.
Meanwhile, Nathan is giving voting instructions to Michelle, who wants to vote to keep Amanda in the house. Nathan tells her it will hurt her if she doesn't go with the group. Michelle asks to give Amanda a courtesy vote. Nathan tells her she can't. "Don't feel bad about it." Michelle says, "That's why this game is so hard." Heh. Try chess.
The HGs gather in the living room for the nominations. True to his word, Nathan puts up Amanda and Jee for eviction. Nathan tells Amanda that he nominated her because he doesn't feel he can trust her. He says he nominated Jee because he needed someone to compare to Amanda (huh?) Amanda says it was obvious that Nate wants her to be the one evicted. "He said I couldn't be trusted but gave no reason. I wish I knew if there was something I did." Me, too, Amanda, me, too.
Scott says, "I know this game better than I know myself. That's why I'll win it. I'm destined to do this." You might be right, dude. And when you do, use the money to buy a dictionary and look up the word "delusional." It's right under "dead in the water."
Hoppy trails,
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