| Author |
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Bunny
| Saturday, July 19, 2003 - 3:36 pm 
The HGs are breaking one of BB's rules: No HOH shall tell another houseguest that he/she is putting that guest up for nomination. Of course, we all know that Jee spilled his guts to Michelle about his intentions and BB didn't call him on it. But I can't find fault with them since they had their hands full cleaning up the guts that Dave spilled all over the HOH room.
Jun squeals to Dana that Nathan said he was getting tired of Dana. This really p-sses Dana off. Jee, start counting how many times Dana says she's p-ssed off. I bet she's about up to 80,000, which, coincidentally, is the same amount Justin thinks is the total weight of four houseguests (see the last HOH challenge).
Jun instructs Dana to keep this bit of information to herself, and Dana says she can be trusted. And she's telling the truth. She can be trusted to go straight to Robert and Dave and tell them what Jun said. She also reveals to Robert that she WAS a member of the Elite 8 (formerly the Original Eight and then the Dark Side) but that she was now a member of Robert's clan. This has to be thrilling to Dana to be wanted by both sides since I bet she was never picked for teams in gym class.
It's late on Thursday night and Erika and Jack are talking in the dark in the bedroom. Erika: "It would be to everyone's benefit if I stayed." (But not to mine, E. I get no jollies whatsoever in watching you clean the toilet in your bikini.) Jack tells her that Nathan asked him to break his word to Justin. "He wants me to put him up if I get HOH, but I would be marked if I did that. The biggest promise you can make is not to nominate someone." No, Jack, the biggest promise you can make is that you'll insist Erika stop calling you "Daddy." It gives me the creeps.
Robert and Jee are in the HOH room when Dana enters and demands to know what is going on. (Am I alone here in wishing someone would put a tracking device on this girl? I'm exhausted trying to keep up with her whereabouts. I thought *I* was the EverReady rabbit.) Anyway, the guys tell her that nothing is going on and the plan remains to evict Erika.
Dana tells them she is surprised that people are playing the game so hard. Bunny hears this and chokes on her midnight snack. (BB, I need cleanup.) Dana, the hardest working woman in show business, tells them she is loyal and would lie down in front of a train for her friends. (Someone get me the Amtrak schedule.)
Dana leaves the room and Justin asks, "What is going on? Why is she freaking out so much?" Justin, why is the grass green and the sky blue? Why does Erika wear sunglasses in the house? Why can't Bunny decide between you and Nathan? Some questions have no answers.
Dana's not all bad, folks. She's good about giving us constipation updates. She shares that she's finally had a bowel movement. I'm curious to see if she changes her signature line from "I'm p-ssed off" to "Don't give me any s--t."
No one has any good lines this year. There's no "It's on!" except when Erika says it and you know how I feel about stealing from past HGs. There's no "naught for nuttin'" or "Scandalous!" or "Nyquil - I need more Nyquil." All we have so far is Nathan's "Gollll-y!" and I can't give any credit for ripping off Gomer Pyle. Of course, Dave has all kinds of signature lines but I can't spell any of them.
Dana quizzes Dave about his relationship with Amanda. Dave: "We wouldn't have hooked up if she wasn't leaving." And you wouldn't have lost your cookies if you hadn't hooked up. And if you hadn't hooked up, Amanda wouldn't have asked your opinion as to what she should wear on eviction night and some zebra wouldn't have had to die.
Best Line of the Day goes to Dana: "I don't want to be the one who is always paranoid." Dana, Jack will be using your picture to define the word when he's teaching F.B.I. recruits to look over their shoulders. "Agents-in-training, please refer to your manuals under the section on Paranoia and read the chapter on what we like to call a BBD, short for "Big Brother's Dana."
Dave decides to crawl along the floor to scare Dana. He jumps up and yells, "Boo!" Dana screams, which is good because it gives the others a take on her location. Dana asks Dave if he wants her to try and save Erika if she wins the Power of Veto. Dave: "Just go with the flow." Not to be confused with the FlowBEE - I can't let anyone steal Robert's thunder.
Alison and Jee are in the HOH room talking about Dana. Ali says Dana is annoying and childish (you forgot p-ssed off) and that they need to go after her. Jee says he wants Ali to let the nominations stand if she wins the Veto.
After Alison leaves the HOH room, Jun comes in to speak to Jee alone.
Jun: "Are you going to stick with Robert and Justin or are you going with Dave and them? You have to stick with the numbers." (Now you're talking Jee's language.)
Jee: "You think I'm f'ing stupid? Control the girls!"
Jun: "How am I supposed to control the girls?" (Start with telling Ali to stop doing leg lifts in short shorts.)
Jee: "Dana came in here asking me 'What's going on here?' all p-ssed off. (Naturally.) The plan is to get Erika out. Stick with the plan."
Jun: "Dave and Jack aren't going to do it." (Tattle tale, tattle tale.)
Jun says, "What am I going to say when the others ask me why I was in here with you?" Jee yells, "WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT SOME COOKIES?" and then throws his valuable HOH supply of oatmeal raisins at her. Obviously, this outburst is a decoy designed to keep secret an alliance between Jun and Jee, since not so secret is the alliance Jun has with cookies, M&Ms, and nine meals a day. Therefore, the look of horror on her face is not because Jee is yelling at her, but because she's watching a dozen of Mrs. Fields' finest crumble on the floor before her.
Friday morning, Dave yells out "Good Morning, Viet Nam!" to wake up Jack and Erika. I like how Dave sticks to the Army theme in everything he does. He boldly combines his fatigue tees with flowered shorts, he crawls along the floor to rid the house of any landmines, and he goes on leave - of his senses - whenever the stress of combat gets to him. I just hope he isn't court martialed for going ApeWOL.
Erika asks him if has aspirations to go into the entertainment industry. Dave says he will do whatever it takes to pay the rent. Erika tells him that shouldn't be a problem since all you have to do to live free at the zoo is keep your cage clean.
Dave shares that he met the BB casting director at a party he attended with his cousin. Bunny is thrilled to know that Dave probably saved the casting director lots of hours combing through applications that people sent in. People who might have put their legs to good use. People who weren't convinced they were the missing link. People who would have saved BB money on an all-night cleaning crew.
BB wakes up the rest of the house to get ready for the Veto competition. Robert says if Erika gets the veto, they will put up Dana in her place "because it's a sign from God." No, it's a sign from Robert, who THINKS he's God.
Dave wins the Power of Veto and drapes it around his neck. Everyone thinks he will use it to save Michelle. Erika thinks he will use it to save her. I think he will use it to hang himself from the ceiling as a new way of scaring Dana.
Jack, Dave, and Nate approach Jee, Robert, and Justin about using the veto to take Erika off and put up Dana. Jee says no, and that if Dave uses it, it will backfire, because he will put in Jack and hold a grudge against Dave. Nate tells Jack and Dave that he thinks they will have the votes to save Erika, but he hates to lose Michelle "because I've always thought we could keep her on our side." Nate goes to Jun to find out where the girls stand on their votes. Jun says she will vote to evict Michelle, but that Dana will vote the other way. Nate: "What about Alison?" Jun: "She'll do whatever we tell her to do." Well, then...again, let her know about the leg lifts. The cameramen are making money off beaver shots as we speak.
Dana finds Dave to ask him what he is going to do. Dana: "I don't know who to believe because everyone is going around saying stuff and it's making me feel like s--t." (Told ya.)
Michelle has now become a player (the blonde dye makes it take a little longer to catch up) and she asks Jee to allow Dave to use the veto on her, and then put up Dana in her place. Jee refuses, reiterating that he wants Erika to go. "If she doesn't, then she will turn against me if she ever gets HOH. We will get Dana out next week."
Jee holds the first BB Chore meeting during which the tasks of the house are assigned. Erika will take care of the turtles (natch) and Jack will maintain the upkeep of the hot tub with Rico Suave's assistance (don't pretend you don't know who I'm talking about). Dave says he will vacuum (you know how he feels about the floor) and Michelle will wear herself out watering the plants. Justin and Nate, who never tire of viewing their own reflections, are assigned to cleaning the windows and mirrors. It goes without saying that Jun volunteered to work in the kitchen. Big Brother says they will be responsible for any messes caused by Dave.
Jun and Jee are in the bathroom area when Jee begins to speak Korean. This is enough to convince Bunny that the two have a secret alliance. Little do they know that Bunny speaks the language and understands every word that Jee is saying. Let me clue the rest of you in. "Junebug, thank you for calling me a freak in bed. I am hoping to parlay that image into a lucrative contract in the Korean porn industry after my stint in BB is over. In return for your kind gesture, I plan on sticking with you in this game until one of us wins, at which point I will coat myself in M&Ms and let you mow through them like there's no tomorrow." Jun replies, "KeeWahNee," or, "Make 'em peanut."
The two begin to sing a song, which Jee identifies as a Korean rabbit song. Okay, Jee, I'll bite. Everyone, please take back what I said about Jee going into porn. I have it on good authority that he prefers to limit his freaky self to home video. (How was that, Jee? Now keep singing.)
Getting their freak on in another room are Justin and Dana. They are in bed together, under the covers. Justin asks Dana if she wants to touch his cauliflower ear. Dana says no. Bunny yells, "I will! I will!" Before she can have a turn, however, Robert comes in and Justin allows him to touch it. "It doesn't hurt when you squeeze it; it just feels hard," says Justin. I'll assume that BB will do a little cut and paste with this dialogue and use it elsewhere in the program. Maybe the next time someone touches Erika's boob.
Michelle and Dave are lounging in the hammock. Dave assures her that he is trying hard to save her. Dana later joins them and tells Dave that she thought they were going to get something going earlier, "but Amanda got in the way of our relationship." And saved you from flying steak, I might add.
She takes Dave's hand and begins a game of "thumbsies." Michelle leaves the hammock, and Dana uses the opportunity to quiz Dave on any changes in the game plan. Dave tells her if she wants information, she needs to ask Jee. Dana resorts to Army torture tactics by continuing to talk, but Dave stands firm and makes the Rangers proud.
Jack tells Erika over cards that Jee wouldn't back down and still doesn't want them to use the Veto. He tells her that she will still be okay since the plan is to evict Michelle. Erika says, "It's on!" again and Bunny asks Monica not to sue.
Alison corners Justin and lets him know that she's aware of his alliance with Dana. Justin denies it, and then calls Dana the Wicked Witch of the West (the Oz obsession again). He says, "The only person Dana tells the truth to is Jun." Alison says that if she gets HOH next week, she will put Dana on the chopping block. Which, of course, Dana can cut in half with one flick of the wrist, so you might want to stand back.
Justin says that Dana has been studying the show for three seasons, applying every year to be a houseguest, and has had that long to work on her strategy. She's also had that long to perfect her version of the Bunny Hop, which she has been spotted doing on occasion, and which Bunny appreciates. However, it can't buy her immunity from New Jersey jokes, nor will it give her the courage to touch Justin's ear.
Jee announces that tomorrow is Jun's birthday and he is going to give her the HOH room as a gift. I know she is grateful, Jee, but if you don't throw in a cake, she's going to be disappointed.
Michelle says she hopes "our side gets HOH next week because I can't go through this again." Uh, I really don't think you'll have to worry about that. Sorry.
Hoppy trails,
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