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Bunny
| Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 12:22 pm 
Erika and Jack are the first two up on Friday morning. Jack tells Erika that he blames himself for being nominated. "I should have spent more time with Dana." Don't beat yourself up about it, Jack. What's done is done. You can't cry over spilt milk. Now go have her killed.
Jack: "I've been kicking it around all night. Anyone who goes against Dana in the finals will win."
Erika: "Yes, we need to get Justin out first."
Jack: "It was bad strategy to keep Jee in here."
You got that right. Just think of the footage we could have gotten out of Amanda and Dave. Maybe they would have be-bopped again, and this time Amanda throws up, and then the next time, Dave might try to hold off throwing up until Amanda throws up first, and then they would work on throwing up simultaneously, followed by Amanda throwing up again and again, with Dave wishing for the first time in his life that he could throw up multiple times like a woman.
Erika is called to the Diary Room. Dave says, "While you're in there, ask for some dirty magazines." Erika: "I could dance on the bed." Dave: "Yeah, like that would do it." Whoops! Guess we won't be seeing a certain person's pinup thumb-tacked beside Dave's bunk in the barracks.
It appears that those left in the original Elite 8 alliance are still stunned by Dana's nominations. Bunny's not, since she happens to know that Dana practices a similar tactic in her study of karate. The maneuver is called Hu Laff In Ow and it involves flipping your opponent on his back when he least expects it. It was invented by Elvis when Priscilla left him for the guy with the bad perm. Rumor has it that the first time Elvis tried it, his rival sprung up quickly and spit in the King's face - which is, of course, why Elvis started wearing those huge gold goggles. A lot of people don't know that.
Speaking of body excrements, Bunny is here to tell you that we were wrong about Robert all along. He's not really a bully. He's sensitive, sweet, and loves butterflies. They make him cry, even. Which, of course, means that he is finally following one of Bunny's rules - you know, the one about being a crybaby on camera and how I really like it. As a direct result, Bunny will now clear his name from the Nasty Nostril Roster and put it at the top of the "It's Just the Sniffles from a Sinus Problem and/or a Butterfly Sighting" list instead. It's only fair.
It's time for the Power of Veto competition. The HGs draw numbered ping pong balls to determine the order of play and then head for the backyard. All except Jee, who, after having been deprived of his Accounts Payable ledger for much too long, stays behind to lick the balls, savoring the taste of the numerals, the friends who never let him down. "They never change, they are almost always positive, and their values remain true and steadfast," says Jee. "Each of them is one in a million, and whenever my problems multiply, I know I can count on their undivided loyalty."
The HGs go toe-to-toe in the Veto contest and Nathan's pink toes win. Alison immediately goes into "saved by the bell" mode, gravitating toward Nate, the one she hopes will be her Knight in Shining Armor. Popeye to her Olive Oyl. Richard Gere to her Debra Winger. Ben Affleck to her J. Lo, even though she didn't really need to be rescued from Chris Judd because all he ever did was love her and teach her better dance moves than she ever learned from Rosie Perez on "Living Color."
Apparently the POV contest involved balls flying through the air (no numbers on these babies - sorry, Jee). Jun was smacked in the face with a mean green one and is now nursing a black eye. Which reminds her of black-eyed peas and....well, you know where I'm headed with this, don't you?
Actually, Jun has cut down on her nervous nibbling. She must be feeling much calmer these days now that her best buddy Dana is in control. I would say they're two peas in a pod, but that might trigger something and I don't want to be the cause of a backslide. Stay strong, Jun. Don't give in to the power of the pea. Remember what happened to that princess.
Dana asks Jun if she thinks Nate will use his newly-won veto power to save Alison. "Not that anyone in this house respects anyone else, but I did honor his wishes when he was HOH and didn't use the POV when I had it." Dana says that if he does use it, she will replace Ali with Dave. Bunny really hopes this doesn't happen because when Dave's name is announced, you just know he's going to let out one of his piercing jumble-word shrieks, and - well, I wasn't going to mention it but I'm down to one eardrum already courtesy of Old Yeller. I bet his mom is still looking for the mute button.
Jun and Jee were reprimanded by BB for speaking to each other in Korean, so now they've turned to a different foreign language: Hip Hop.
Jee: Whatup, dog?
Jun: It's time to go hatin' on Ali, know what I'm sayin'?
Jee: Skizzle on the shizzle. I thought she was your homey.
Jun: Keep it on the down low.
Jee: No diggety.
Jun: Word.
Jee: Hollah.
And Bunny thought Dave was hard to understand.
Jee begins to sing: "Tonight I celebrate my love...for you....." Who knew Jee was into Lounge? The guy has so many layers. One minute he's counting blackbirds baked in a pie, the next he's singing Peabo Bryson.
Nate had promised yesterday to use the Veto to save Alison if he won it, and now he reassures her that he will keep his promise - but he asks her not to tell the others. I'm glad he told Bunny, though, because now she'll come prepared with earphones that dilute high-pitched whistles, jumbo jets roaring overhead, and Dave.
Erika and Jack join them in the room, and Ali, putting her high school drama skills to work, says she is glad she is going home. "I'll be home just in time for by boyfriend's birthday. I'm glad I don't have to be sequestered. And when I leave, I'm going to pee in the toilet and then put Dana's duck in it." Think it through, Ali dear. How will that look on your pageant resume?
Today's Revelations:
(1) Dana tells Jee that she hasn't had a boyfriend since 1999. Do the math, Jee, that's a really long time.
(2) Alison's dad is a Reality TV fan. He left one of her pageants early so he wouldn't miss the finale of "Survivor." Hey, Pops, one word: TIVO.
Nate tells his alliance that Jun will go wherever the power lies. "Right now it's with Dana, but if we get HOH she'll want to join back in with us." Alison shows Nathan a passage from the Bible and says it applies to their situation in the house. "It's good to have God on your side," says Nate. That's right. God.....and Jun.
Alison thanks Nathan for his promise to use the Veto to save her. He mentions that it helps him to earn the $10,000 she's going to give him if she wins. Bunny looks up bribery in the BB rule book and then tears out the page before BB penalizes Nate by putting him back on pb&j, forcing him to stop his daily workouts and, consequently, Bunny's jollies.
Dana and Erika are in the living room.
Erika: "We are giving them such good TV, especially the last few days."
Dana: "Imagine going to an award show and presenting one as the cast of BB4. We're a CAST!"
Erika: "I wonder how the ratings are doing."
Dana: "We are so much better than last year."
(Bunny begins to pack for California, where she plans on camping outside the BB house in search of valuable autographs, followed by a scout-out for a prime parking spot outside the Shrine Auditorium, where she hopes to be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of - you know 'em, you love 'em! - THE CAST OF BB4 [insert cheers] as they walk down the red carpet at the Emmys. Everyone wish her luck.)
Justin tells Dana that he thinks Robert is too emotional to be playing the game. I'm telling you, Jus, he'll be perfectly fine if you'll just keep him away from butterflies. Tell him they're made of tissue paper and he'll run like hell.
Dana shares the strategy of the Original Eight with Justin, Rob, and Jee. "They voted out Amanda because she was an "ex." That's why they put up Jee, and that's why they voted out Michelle." Dumb, Dumber, and So Dumb He Couldn't Pour Water Out of a Boot with Instructions on the Heel are shocked at the plan and amazed it was able to go down without their knowledge.
Erika started her day in the "55" shirt, but now changes into TSPDB (That Stinkin' Polka Dot Bikini). Thankfully, she decides to tie-dye a t-shirt with the leftover supplies from their first Arts and Crafts outing, and as soon as it dries, she uses it as a cover-up. It says, "Hi, Mom" on the back but for a minute I thought it said, "Hi, Bunny, I'm sorry about the bikini but you said to get a theme and no one told me that dots reminded you of the zits you had when you were a kid or that 55 was the number of times you've been rejected by publishers." That's okay, Erika. You didn't know. So go ahead and wear your poor choices with my blessing.
Nathan tells Alison that saving her will break up the trio of Jack/Erika/Dave because Dana will nominate one of them in Ali's place. Ali: "Jack is the weakest link." Bunny: "Goodbye." (Sorry, it was just too easy.)
Erika and Jack join Nate and Alison and Nate lays out the plan for the future. "Remember who your friends are. I'm "iffy" about Jun - I don't want to be against her. She might be persuaded to come with us, but do I trust her? No. I'll never take Dana back. Justin and Robert, no. Jee, possibly. No matter what, I'm with you guys 'til the end." Alison, in an award-winning performance, says, "But I won't be here, Nate!" Nathan lays out more of his strategy, and Alison interrupts, "Even though I won't be here, thanks for including me." Nate shoots her a look, but she continues on....."I hope you'll avenge this travesty that Dana has imparted upon me. I'm just a poor girl from Pennsylvania, who travels the pageant circuit in hopes of earning a few dollars to buy coal for my momma's furnace. I'll be watching from the TV sets at Sears as you send Dana down in flames, because, as you know, I won't be here." Hello, Alison? Oscar calling. Not.
Dana confides in Jun that she's really hot for Dave and not Justin. Jun: "Does Justin think you want him?" Dana: "I guess." Bunny can see this turning into a whole Hulk vs. King Kong thing. The Hulk (Justin, of course) will turn green with jealousy when Kong Dave comes into the room, and we'll hear "Hulk want Karate Girl. Kong not have her" as he swells twice his size and busts out of his "Pittsburgh Rocks!" t-shirt. It goes without saying that Dave will respond with grunts and unintelligible phrases, all the while impressing his woman by swinging from the mounted cameras and ceiling microphones. Dave will win, of course, not because a sock monkey gone bad is still way cuter than a greasy-headed Jolly Green Giant, but because nobody likes a guy who is too big for his britches.
Dana calls Alison into the HOH room to tell her she's sorry she nominated her, but cautions her to remember that it's just a game. "I thought you hated me, so why would I want to keep someone in the house that felt that way about me?" Alison says she doesn't hate her (liar, liar, pants on fire) so Dana says she is glad they are friends and the two hug. You know, I'm beginning to think Alison DOES deserve an Oscar.
Alison is sure that Jun and Jee have a secret alliance and tries to convince Nate that it's true. Nate says he doesn't buy it. Watch out, guy. Remember, she's been accepted to law school so she's a pretty smart cookie. You, on the other hand, probably got whacked in the head a few times playing football so maybe you're a few donuts short of a dozen, if you know what I mean.
The Three Stooges plus Dana are grilling the steaks won in the day's Food Challenge. They talk about how to win the next HOH competition and Jee says, "My friends probably already think I'm retarded." Dana tells him to take his time answering the questions and allow time for them to be repeated. Jee replies, "Soitenly!" and it's at this moment that Bunny realizes the group needs a new name.
They can't be called the Three Amigos because, according to Jee's last calculation, there are four of them now - and, besides, only Robert is of Spanish descent. There's Snow White and the (Jee, help me out) Seven Dwarfs Minus Four - with Robert being Sneezy, of course - but I'm seeing a run-off for Dopey, and I do think Snow White had minimal karate skills.
What about the Apple Dumpling Gang? Nah, only works if Jun becomes a permanent member. Robert suggested the Carmen Electra Fan Club, but Jee pointed out that there were too many of them already. "I'd be totally down with Yasmine Bleeth, though."
Nothing's clicking for Bunny, so for now she'll just go with The Little Rascals starring Robert as Alfalfa, the original King of the Cowlicks - and featuring Darla, who is never really wanted in the treehouse unless she has information to share about Butch and Woim.
Hoppy trails,
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