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Bunny
| Friday, August 01, 2003 - 10:18 am 
On Wednesday, Dave is one of the first ones awake, and he has something on his mind that he wants to share with Erika.
Dave: "I made out with Alison last night. It felt like making out with my sister, but I needed Ali on my side if I stay."
Erika: "We HAD Ali on our side." (That's what I was going to say!)
Dave: "No, I didn't have her. But now I'm worried about Amanda. I really care for her and I don't want to hurt her. I made out with Ali for the game." (Uh, Dave? I'm not saying it's not a good idea to kiss women for votes, but wouldn't you agree that your timing is never quite right?) "I'm afraid my fan base has dropped." (No, if humping Amanda in a clown wig didn't do it....)
Erika shows Jack a picture of her dogs.
Jack: "This one looks like you."
Wha? Did I hear you right, Jack? You DIDn't just tell a woman that she looks like her dog. No wonder you're still single at 58. Listen, I don't care if her puppy has a pedigree that dates all the way back to Lassie, you DON'T tell her you see a resemblance.
The HGs have a bit of rehearsal time for tonight's HOH competition, during which they will have to stand on a high platform and drop balls into narrow tubes . Following practice, the Cub Scouts return to camp for the Rubber Band Round-up, the annual event they look forward to the most. Nate and Dave will battle Justin and Jee, shooting and stinging each other with rubber bands until time is called and the player with the most welts is declared the winner. Undoubtedly, this will be Jee, because he is the only one who can count that high.
Bunny is disappointed that the boys can't find a better use for the rubber bands. Luxury items are given to the HGs so rarely. They have no access to music, and yet here's a perfect opportunity to form the First Ever BB bluegrass band. Just wrap a few bands around some cereal boxes, and you're set. Or why don't they weave them together to make a new swimsuit cover-up for Jun so Bunny could burn the fishnet? With some creative stretching, it would be easy to make one in a window-pane pattern or even the more popular diamond-shaped. Rubber's kinky, too, which should satisfy Jee.
And I KNOW that you must be as surprised as I am that David isn't using a rubber band to bungee jump.
It's time to get ready for the Live Show. The HGs carefully select their attire, choosing their most flattering outfits. Unfortunately, Bunny doesn't agree with their choices and it hurts her when she feels she has no alternative but to turn into Joan and/or Melissa Rivers. But as always, she'll do what has to be done.
First off, all the guys except Dave get an "A" for their apparel. I know how difficult it was for most of them to actually put on a shirt, so kudos for making a splendid effort. Sadly, I have to give Dave a "C" - for "Couldn't you get dressed up for your mother just this once?"
I wanted so much to find a piece of Erika's clothing that I could rally around - and I'm sure she may even have one on tonight, maybe her blouse, her shoes - but because I have been rendered sightless by her neon lime green pants, I'll never know. Part of me shouts, "Way to pull a Bunky moment!" in reference to the former BB2 houseguest who dazzled Bunny with his glimmering blue disco shirt. But the other part of me yells for her to grab TSPDB and put it on pronto, because at least there's less of it. The up side of this fashion fiasco is that no doubt Ray Ban sales are going through the roof.
Regarding Jun's choice of Live Show-wear, all I can say is, she should have left the fringe at the O.K. Corral. Maybe Roger Daltrey pulled it off at Woodstock, but (a) he was a rock star, and (b) you could bounce a ball off his stomach. I don't think I have to point out to you that Jun meets neither of these criteria.
Alison looked quite fetching, but I really hate to be the one to break the news to her that if she doesn't start skimping a bit on the BK French fries, people may think she won "Miss Pigs-burgh." Not me, but people.
I usually don't resort to hair-bashing - it sometimes leads to hare-bashing and Bunny gets her feelings hurt - but I can't let another moment go by without asking why Dana would resort to teasing her hair in a bushy troll style when she's trying so hard to lose the man-troll moniker deemed to her by Scott. I guess we'll chalk it up as self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh, a thumb up to Nate for wearing Bunny's favorite white shirt next to Hardy's. Right before he dressed, he was spotted reading his Bible and I caught a glimpse of the passage: "Thou shalt dress like an angel in order to ward off the glare of the woman cloaked in green, that she may not strike blind the furry creatures of God's earth."
Fashion run-down aside, it's time for the dreaded eviction. Dave is the one to go, but contrary to what was predicted, he didn't crawl in shame out the door. Why get shag carpet fuzzies all over your shirt? No, he left with his head held high, ready to face the question he knew everyone was waiting to ask: "Why brown?"
Actually, Julie Chen quizzed him about his tete-a-tete (or, rather, his derriere-a-derriere) with Amanda. His deer-in-the-headlights look told us what we suspected all along - he thought no one was watching. Wait until he finds out he's the new poster boy for Dramamine.
The HGs climb the platform outside to compete for HOH. Alison wins, and Dana jumps to her death from the highest point of the scaffold. Just kidding. Dana keeps her cool and hands the Veto medallion to Alison, but mentally makes a phone call to BB2's Justin for a favor.
The HGs are upset about Dave's departure, but no one more so than Erika. Bunny suggests that since the cradle has been moved out of the house, perhaps E. should try to rob the crypt instead. Jack's a great guy who could wiretap her friends' phones just for a kick, not to mention have Robert eliminated from her life completely. Besides, you know what they say, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one that's left.
Dana, still reeling from Alison's HOH win, tells Jee and Justin, "I will not beg, I will not go to her to make any deals." We understand, Dana - really we do - but remember that pride cometh before a fall and this fall will send you tumbling out the door straight back to your local Blockbuster to rent the series of "Karate Kid" movies for an all-night marathon alone in front of your TV. I'm into Ralph Macchio as much as the next girl, but he's not worth giving up a shot at a half-mil. I only ask that you think it through.
Ali gets the key to the HOH room and enters to find a basketful of goodies meant just for her. There's a stuffed toy kitten (ahhhhh), a photo of her sweet baboo Donny (ahhhhh).....but, wait, something's missing. "HEY, WHERE'S MY TIARA?" screams Alison. "My crown! My crown! Nobody sent my crown!" Everyone in the room tries to calm her down, telling her that she's still Miss Northern Central South Pittsburgh with or without it. "But how can I sleep at night? Trying to nap without my crown on my head is like Robert trying to sleep with his hands tied behind his back." Jee, with a bit of nudging from the others, reluctantly offers his old jeweled headpiece to her to use during her stint as HOH.
Erika and Jack say they're going to check on the turtles to make sure they have food. Who do they think they're fooling? We all know they want to make sure David didn't swipe them for a snack on the plane ride home.
While they're in the room, Jack whispers, "The others are going to be surprised by Ali's nominations. They assume that Alison is going after Dana, but it is Justin who will go home." Not so fast, Columbo. You have to remember that I saw Alison and her "ex" swapping splashes in the hot tub the other night and you didn't. That boy ain't goin' nowhere.
Meanwhile, Sad Sack Dana is bemoaning her fate. "Out of all the ways it could have gone, WHY did it have to go THAT way?" I feel your pain, girlfriend - because I was wondering the same thing last night when I watched Robert's finger head straight up his nose.
Jun joins Alison in the hot tub to pick her brain about the nominations and says she might be interested in taking her former spot in the Elite 8. Jun, Jun, Jun. Fence-riding is very unbecoming. But I'll let it go this time since you had the courtesy to change into your swimsuit and free your torso from the fringe. Now, tomorrow, don't forget to return it to Wild Bill Hickok.
Ali is parading around in the Golden Robe, and I have to admit, she's right - without the crown, it does nothing for me. Heading to her new HOH digs, she sprawls out on the bed and awaits the mad crush of peasants, begging for cake. Bunny bets that when Dana finds out it's devil's food, she'll change her mind and come in for a piece.
Nate is the first to arrive, there to feed grapes to his Cleopatra and advise her as to which peon no longer deserves to live.
Nate: "I hate how Jun is skating through this game."
Ali: "Should I nominate her?"
Nate: "No, Justin has got to go. Or maybe Dana. She's made all of them hate me, and now there's a target on my back. I should have won HOH."
Ali: "You blew it. How many balls did you get in the tube? Two?"
Nate: "My concentration was off. I knew all of Oklahoma was watching - and Bunny - and I just couldn't perform."
Ali: "Well, it doesn't matter. I won, and that means you're safe for now."
Nate: "Can I sleep in here with you?"
Ali: "Of course not. You'll get make-up all over the pillows."
As Nate exits the HOH room, Jun enters (she heard there was cake).
Ali: "It's rumored that you're the brains behind the other alliance."
Jun: "No, I just make them think things over. Like this week when they wanted to vote out Jack, I talked them into evicting David since I felt he was a bigger threat."
Ali: "If I elect not to nominate you, will you return the favor next week if you get HOH?"
Jun: "Yes, you've got a deal for one week."
Ali: "And if I elect not to nominate you, will you promise to cut up that hideous fringe vest into tiny pieces and flush it down the toilet?"
Jun: "Your wish is my command. I'll even throw in Erika's green pants."
Jun agrees and heads for her bed, which she is now sharing with Dana.
Dana: "I really love my friends back home, and they love me back unconditionally."
I am sooo very glad to hear this - because I don't think you're going to leave with many here. Sorry. I'm just sayin'.
Hoppy trails,
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