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Bunny
| Saturday, August 02, 2003 - 10:58 am 
Early, early Saturday morning, Nate confronts Robert outside about his newly-won Veto Power. (Bunny tried to question him about his power to move mountains in Hollywood, but he ignored her.)
Nate: "Are you going to surprise us and use the veto?"
Robert: "Dana's already started to campaign. We [the Ex-Pile] feel like we owe her, but she was bound to go up either way. And there's no way she can win this game. No matter who went to the end with her, she would lose against them."
Robert assures Nate that he won't use the Veto and all the Boyz will vote to evict Dana.
Robert: "She takes this game very seriously....she plays hard and wanted to go all the way. It was important to her to win the money."
Nate: "This is her life....she always wanted to do this."
I, for one, understand Dana's way of thinking completely, don't you? I mean, if you have a choice between, say, spending the summer in Italy - or going on a TV show where the camera zooms in on your stretch marks, you have sex while your grandmother's watching, and you're outed even when you're not gay - who wouldn't choose "Big Brother," huh?
Robert: "Ali made a smart move nominating Dana. There will be less tension in the house." And less of the F-word. Much, much less.
Nate goes inside, but Robert is joined by Jee and Justin. They agree that Dana will have to be the one to go. "Once she's gone, I think the rest of the house will hang out together. She divides us because she hates Nate and Ali so much." Someone was just asking Bunny about that: Why does Dana hate them? I guess in order to understand, you wouldn't have to look any further than Tom Cruise. When he left the blonde Nicole Kidman for the brunette Penelope Cruz (Who dates someone just because they adopted a creative spin on your last name, anyway?), it caused such a furor with fans that a line in the sand was drawn - raven-headed folks on one side, platinum-curled on the other. Thus began a rivalry between blondes and brunettes that perpetuates to this day. Except I just remembered that Nicole Kidman is a redhead, so forget what I said. I don't know why Dana hates them.
Dana is happy to find the three mutt-keteers (I mean that in a cute way, natch) together so she can put some heavy pressure on them to save her from eviction. "You owe me...blah blah....I saved you....blah blah.....I'm a black belt who can turn your berries into jelly with one kick....blah blah." She goes inside and the guys say, "So what?" - all except Jee, who came all the way from Korea with his berries in tact and would prefer they stay that way.
Dana tells Jun that everyone is acting like she is gone already. "I'm telling you, this show doesn't want to see me go. I'm one of the two most important people here." I'm assuming the other would be Justin? Because YOU'RE assuming that we care about your blanket romps, right? But how many times do I have to tell you - you were topped by Dave and Amanda the VERY FIRST WEEK! Let me put it this way. You know when you go to the state fair and there's that big, towering, intimidating ferris wheel right in front of you? And you ride it for the first time and it's mega-thrilling and you can't believe you had the guts to get on it, especially when it makes you throw up, but you did and you're still talking about how da bomb it was and how you wish you could do it again? And afterwards, you're on your way back to your car and you pass the kiddie ferris wheel with the little seats that are kind of cute and you say to yourself that it's great for the Rated G riders but you couldn't care less about going anywhere near it? Well, guess which one you are?
Inside, Jack and Erika try to figure out what's going to happen next.
Jack: "If Justin gets the next HOH, he won't put up Ali since he owes her now. He'll nominate Nate and me."
Erika: "Well, Nathan would leave. It wouldn't make any sense to vote you off."
Jack: "I tried to find out from Jee tonight if he has an alliance with Jun. He wouldn't give me anything."
(Try giving him a deck of cards, Jack. He'll knock your socks off.)
Jack: "Too bad Dana didn't believe us."
Erika: "She's an idiot. She really had a home with us."
Jack: "Being in the same bedroom together has paid off for us. The others are children at play. "
Erika: "They were shooting rubber bands at each other!"
(I know, Erika. I tried to talk to them about that. I got nowhere.)
Dana tells Jun that if she's evicted, she's going to flip the dining room table when she goes out. I say do it now - that way the editors will have time to include footage of Jee making the repairs. I'm all about giving Jee some prime time exposure, since that's the only way he's ever going to get a gig on a "Tool Time" reunion show. Talk to me, Tim Allen.
On second thought, Dana, do flip it on the Live Show. We all saw Scott flip the chairs, and what did they weigh? Peanuts compared to a dining room table. So now's a chance to show the country that girls really are stronger than boys. You go, girl - do your thang. But don't come crying to me when your BB check arrives and there's a huge deduction on there for wood splinter removal and oak veneer refinishing. Payback's hell.
Alison and Nate are talking in the HOH room about the future.
Nate: "You're going to get lots of modeling jobs, Ali." (Maybe at Chubs R Us?)
Ali: "I don't know. It took way more lettuce to make my salad bikini." (See above.)
Nate: "I like girls with meat on their bones. " (Did you hear that, Ali? He likes girls.)
Dana heard what Bunny said and is now doing some serious "not-quite-the-big-ferris-wheel-but-better-than-the-kiddie-ride, maybe-the-tilt-a-whirl" handiwork with Justin under the covers. I'm sorry, Dana. You shouldn't have paid any attention to me. Nothing can save you now, I'm afraid. It's too late to put the sausage on a cracker and think what's left of the pig will lead you to the trough. He's still a pig, and I know you remember the story: there are two more just like him and they're all trying to save themselves from losing their rent-free cardboard apartment on the CBS lot. And even though right now you're making him huff and puff like he's about ready to blow, he's still not going to save you. Not even by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin - or the two growing out of the mole on your back.
( Disclaimer: Bunny doesn't really think any of the guys are pigs. Maybe one of them, but with Carmen Electra on his Christmas card list, who cares, right? Actually, rethinking it, I would have to say that even Robert has potential to be bacon-free. There's that whole "Honk if you love butterflies!" thing, not to mention the willpower it must take to work in a restaurant, surrounded by soft linen napkins - and yet, never be tempted to soil one of them with snot.)
The HGs all retire to their beds, with visions of Dana gone dancing in their heads. (Sugarplums would be better, sure - but who's complaining?)
Hoppy trails,
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