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Bunny
| Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 6:33 pm 
Jack is the first one up Saturday morning - wanna bet this guy never missed the school bus? He heads for the bathroom to do a little grooming, and Bunny can't help but notice what great shape he is in. Under normal circumstances, this would be a good thing. But for the purposes of entertainment, I would prefer the HGs come in flabby and then enroll in a 3-month backyard fitness plan so that we can watch their amazing makeover, a la Gerry. Besides that, it's easier to make fun of them in a bathing suit. Not that I would.
Jun and Jee get some alone time for a quick confirmation of their alliance. Jun: "Should I stick with you three guys for now?" Jee tells her yes. She says that Jack and Erika have talked about bringing him to their side. He thinks that might be okay, but for now wants to stick with Robert and Justin. Jun says they've been alone long enough and need to separate.
Jee walks down the hall toward the bedroom, where he lies on the bed with his girlfriend's picture.
Jee: "It will be okay. I'll be home soon enough. I love you."
That's all the mike picked up, but I think I heard him add:
"By the way, I made up that story about having a bevy of women lined up. I was just trying to impress Robert since he has movie stars camping outside his grandparents' door, waiting for a chance to grip his grits. You know how guys are. And I promise that when I go with him to his favorite club on Asian night like he asked me to, I won't have a good time. I'll see that every lap dance I order is cut short, and that the shooters I buy for the girls are all watered down. And when I go home with one of them, I promise to call you the minute I get home."
Robert tells Jun that he is sorry that he won't be using the veto to take her off. He can't risk having Jee or Justin go up. She says she understands. Robert says Dana believes he should save her because she switched alliances and saved theirs from being broken up. He says she forgets that they saved her first by refusing to put her on the block if David used the veto. "If Justin had pushed for it, Jee would have done it and she would have been gone 9-0." Jun: "That is true, but she won't admit it." Robert: "Now everything will be even again." Jun: "I'm glad that Ali can't get HOH this time." Robert is, too, for two reasons: (1) It gives his group a better chance at the power, and (2) Ali will have more free time to work out, which Bunny thinks would be beneficial at this time.
Jee is crying. Today is the fourth anniversary of his father's death and he is feeling sad. He goes to the Diary Room to ask if he can have a memorial service in the backyard, and BB agrees. Robert asks Jee what is wrong, and is very sympathetic toward him when Jee explains why he is emotional today. Bunny takes back every bad thing she said about Robert. He may treat women like dogs, but he's good to his friends. And I truly don't think it has anything to do with using Jee later to help him pick up Asian girls.
Bunny is happy to report that slipping a copy of her latest summaries under the fence has had an immediate impact. There's been no sign of Erika's "55" shirt for a few days, and Jack's "Sojourner" tee seems to have ended its sojourn. I haven't seen any signs of fishnet in forever. Never doubt the power of the printed word.
Jun and Dana are primping in the bathroom.
Jun: "Does your hair have natural curl?"
Dana: "No, it's natural wave."
Bunny: "No, it's natural troll." Well, it was the other night, but just that one time. And that's not a bad thing, because those troll dolls are the cutest things EVER with all the adorable little outfits you can dress them in but everyone knows the best thing about them is their hair and how you can bush it out or make it stick straight up or curl it around a pencil to give it a wave or shave their heads when you get tired of playing with them and want to replace them with "My Little Ponies."
Erika says the turtles are beginning to stink (no kidding - I can smell them from here) and she wants to give them a bath. She gets a toothbrush to scrub them with. Bunny checks to make sure it's not Hardy's and then gives her permission to proceed, although she would prefer not to watch. Nate says the turtles aren't fun. "I'd rather have some lizards or a parrot to play with," he says. Last time I looked, there wasn't a lizard or parrot to be found for miles who was good at playing ANYthing, but maybe they're different in Oklahoma. Maybe down there, dogs and cats have gone by the wayside in lieu of pet chameleons who can play Parcheesi while the family's canary has gone bowling with your sister.
Jack: "Jee, how did your father die?"
Jee, taking a puff on his cigarette, replies: "Lung cancer."
Kent, send this boy some lollipops.
Jee is the only one in the house who smokes, but has been slowly limiting his intake and is now down to two cigarettes a day. It's a good thing, because I don't know how he's ever going to have the stamina to handle his bevy of women if he doesn't quit soon. Remember, they're lined up.
Jack: "Outside this house, people are going on with their lives, then they tune in to watch us on Tuesday and Wednesday."
Erika: "I wonder what they show, how they edit it all down?"
Well, Erika, see my post from yesterday. I think I made it pretty clear, but you can also add that they make a point of editing in choice HG phrases like, "He just came off the boat" and "She has about as much sex appeal as a buzzard's crotch" and "I have genital warts." Okay, maybe they don't air all of them, but at least all the ones that don't have to do with venereal diseases.
Ali's back is sunburned from falling asleep outside. Her front is tanned a lovely shade of brown, which is quite slimming, but her back looks like a meaty lobster. This is exactly what you look for on the menu at Cap'n Jack's Steak 'n' Tails, but it wouldn't be your first choice when everyone you've ever dated is watching you parade around on TV in your bathing suit. For now, Ali, just face forward.
Not as easily remedied is Nathan's sunburned face, especially his nose. I bet he never bothered to check to see if his make-up contained sunblock.
Jack asks Ali to give him a haircut. She asks him if he has ever considered shaving his head completely bald. Jack says no. Remember, he's from Birmingham, and down there the comb-over has become an art form.
Jun has no access to pencil and paper in the house, so she asked Bunny to help her keep a Food Diary. Checking my watch, it's 5:00, so let's begin the entries:
5:00pm Jun eats chips.
5:01pm Jun eats a Pop Tart.
5:02pm Jun eats a banana.
5:03pm Jun eats her own arm.
Bunny realizes she'll never be able to find time to write the summaries with this new assignment.
Justin falls asleep on the couch and Dana takes the opportunity to cover him in cottage cheese. There seems to be plenty of low-calorie foods in abundance, but fat chance you'll be able to coat a HG's body in chips, Pop Tarts, or bananas.
Jun, Jee, Justin, and Dana are playing cards and talking about reality shows. Jee: "Why would anyone go on a show like that?" (Yes, he really said that.) "Dana, when you tell us your score, you need to learn how to count." (Yes, he really said that, too. )
After the card game, Justin and Dana go out to lounge in the hammock.
Dana: "Jun is convinced you have a deal with Alison."
Justin: "What??"
Dana: "I told her no way, that I asked you straight up and you said no."
(Bunny waves her hands frantically in the air, trying to get Dana's attention.)
Justin: "That's f'ing horrible! That's how s--t gets started. We don't have a deal."
(Bunny holds up a sign that says, "Dana, rent 'Pinocchio.'")
Justin: "In fact, if I get HOH next week, I'll probably put her up."
(Bunny gives up, knowing that Dana will be gone anyway so what does it matter, except Justin's chances of swapping spit with Dana after the cast party could now be slim to none.)
The HGs who can eat decide to grill hot dogs and hamburgers outside.
Jack: "Hot dog or hamburger, Jun?"
Jun: "Both."
(You think I'm kidding?)
Erika tells Jack that she wouldn't mind seeing Justin win the money. Jack says he likes Justin and wishes he was on their side. Bunny says that if an "ex" wins the money, it might as well be Justin, but it SHOULD be someone who filled out the forms, made an audition tape, watched the show for three years, and did all the work it takes to get on the show. Unless you're Dave, in which case all you have to do is show up at a party and meet the casting agent two days before lift-off. I'm almost certain I read that the agent studied anthropology in college, and when she caught a glimpse of Dave's feet in sandals, he was a shoe-in.
Dana talks to Justin about asking Robert to use the veto. "Then you talk to Alison and tell her Nate is bringing her down, and she needs to get rid of him to go farther in the game." Dana tells Justin that he should offer Alison a deal that none of them will nominate her - that they'll go after Nate or one of the others - if she'll comply. But if she doesn't, she's guaranteed to go on the block if one of them gets HOH.
I give Dana credit for continuing to play the game right up to the minute she'll be booted out the door. And I will miss her being in the house for several reasons: (1) she has increased my vocabulary of curse words, (2) I still haven't seen her chop a board in half with her bare hands, and (3) she's the only houseguest that resembles a "Lord of the Rings" collectible.
Justin explains Dana's plan to Robert, but Robert says he won't do it. "I don't want to risk Ali putting up you or Jee." Justin, Jee, and Robert go find Ali to tell her that Robert will not be using the veto. "If one of us gets HOH, we'll be going after Nate. If we get him out of here, we think it would be a good idea if you start working with us. We'll go after Jack, then Erika, then Jun." Ali: "I think you got it backwards. I think Jun needs to go first." Justin: "Why? She seems to have gone easy on the fishnet." Ali: "Those were MY Pop Tarts!" Justin says they need to keep the eviction list in the order he laid out, and asks her if she's in. She says, "Yeah."
Alison tells them that she doesn't want Jack, Erika, and Nathan to know that she has changed sides. Robert: "If we put up Nathan and you win the veto, you can't use it." Ali: "I never would. I want Nathan to go soon; he's driving me crazy." Justin: "Who will they put up next? Me?" Ali: "You and Jun." Nathan: "Well, with you on our side, I'll be safe and Jun will go home." (You know, guys, you really don't have to vote against Jun to get her out. Just put out a trail of bread crumbs.)
Alison goes into the bedroom to tell Nate, Jack, and Erika that the other alliance had asked her not to use the veto on Nathan if the circumstance arises. She doesn't mention that she agreed to align with them. Bunny likes this because it brings suspense to the game and she really, really wants something else to write about besides Jun's calorie intake.
Unfortunately, today that's all she's got.
Hoppy trails,
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