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Bunny
| Tuesday, August 05, 2003 - 10:35 am 
It's after midnight Sunday night and Ali and Nate are squabbling. Nate isn't speaking to Alison for kicking him and getting his shirt dirty. Bunny didn't see it happen - was it her favorite white one? Please don't tell me it was his white one. If it was, I'm not speaking to her either.
Eventually, they make up, and after some innocent round-the-room chasing, Nate asks Alison if she is making deals behind his back. She says no, but tells him she found out that the Mod Squad (one Asian, one Caucasian, and one Cuban with a bad haircut) are planning to put Nate and Jack up for nomination if one of them wins HOH. "Then I will win the veto, save you, Erika goes up, and Jack goes home."
I just love it that Ali is trying to play both sides. It keeps the game interesting and helps me to focus on what she's saying rather than counting how many times she stops and looks at herself in a mirror. (Last count it was 12,537 in case you're placing bets in Vegas.) I won't go so far as to say she's vain, but I bet you will.
Jack and Jun are the first ones up on Monday morning. They wash the dishes together and talk about how hard it is to sleep in the house. Jack: "Robert didn't feel well last night, did he?" Jun: "No, he didn't." Bunny: "Did he have the sniffles?"
Jack is dressed in a beautiful coral polo shirt. Apparently the F.B.I. doesn't teach their agents to tuck in their shirt tails, but I'm choosing to ignore the sloppiness aspect of his apparel and concentrate on how lovely the color looks on him. However, I'm unable to ignore the fact that Erika just entered the room in TSPDB and Bunny knows she's wearing it just to aggravate her. Excuse me for a minute while I jet off a quick note to her friends and family:
Dear Erika's Friends and Family,
I am crossing my fingers that your loved one gets HOH this week. One reason, of course, is because I know she'll nominate Robert and I'm hoping to see some sparks fly. But the main reason I want her to win is because she'll have the privilege of receiving a goody basket from home - and that would be you guys. So, here's the deal. If you promise to send her a different bikini to wear during the remainder of her stay - preferably something in, say, plaid, so she can alternate between TSPDB and TBBTYIS (The Bikini Bunny Talked You Into Sending) - then I promise to vote for her to win the money at the end of the game. Provided she doesn't go against Jack, in which case I would have to side with the agent, since he seems to have come up with some shirts that I didn't know he had. Plus, he doesn't take the turtles as seriously as she does, and, as you may know, I don't enjoy myself when they're onscreen. I hope you'll consider my request. Yes, it is a bribe, but my vote counts more than anybody's.
Yours in the promotion of fashion variety,
Bunny
Nate joins Jack and Jun in the kitchen. Jacks says that maybe BB will want to change the course of Dana's eviction and offer them money to keep Dana in the house. Nate: "What would you take to keep Dana?" Jack: "I'd take $10,000." Bunny thought Jack watched this show. Maybe he's just forgotten that BB offered HGs money to LEAVE, not to let others stay. But I'll play along. What would Bunny take to keep Dana in the game? Okay, how about this - I'll settle for a mention in USAToday.
Jack says the tortoises were making little squeaks last night. Don't you know turtle tears when you hear them, Jack? They obviously had their feelings hurt by Nate's insensitive remarks about what party poopers they are. But I have to say, Nate called it on the money. Right now, a sombrero-topped parrot would be slamming Jello shooters and bobbing his crazy tropical head to some Jimmy Buffett tunes. Then he'd get drunk and hang upside down from his perch until the rest of the party people yelled, "Do Amy! Do Amy!" and then, after a drum roll, he would fall off. Why, oh, why, couldn't they have had a parrot?
Jun tells Robert and Jee that Erika said that Dana said (got that?), "If you don't keep me this week, they're coming after you next." Meaning that Jee, Rob, and Justin would come after Erika if Erika's group didn't vote for Dana to stay. Robert: "Dana is really bothering me. Last night someone said Justin might be out after her and they would be sequestered together, and she said, 'I'm not out yet!' I will assure Erika that we aren't going after her next." You know, I'm totally into this sensitive side of Robert's. Now he's looking out for his ex-girlfriend, and everyone knows Bunny's a softy for a reconciliation. Remember when Roseanne and Tom Arnold broke up and they were really trashing each other in the papers, but then they got back together and proved their love by tattooing each other's names on their butts? Then she sang the "Star-Spangled Banner" at a ballgame and it was horrible - so horrible that Tom was embarrassed to be seen with her so he broke up with her again and she ran off with her chauffeur and he married a girl he picked up at a rodeo and now the tattoo on her rear end reads "Tomato, the Unappreciated Fruit" and his says "Roseanna Roseanna Danna."
Jee and Robert go to Jack to tell him that Dana was just trying to "psych Erika out" and that they aren't going after Erika if they get HOH. Jack says, "We will start over fresh next week. Everyone can start talking to each other again." And the cameramen will be able to take naps now since Dana won't have to be followed from room to room, and from room to outside, and from outside to the bathroom, and from the bathroom to the storage room, which is her favorite place to eavesdrop. If you don't count crouched under the window or stooping behind the couch or hiding in the bushes in her camouflage pants.
Nate finds out that Ali has an alliance with Justin and he's not a happy camper. Ali says, "It's for both our goods, because it makes us less of a 'couple' threat and maybe only one of us will get nominated instead of both of us together." You're not fooling me, Ali. You don't want to go up on the block with Nathan because you know he's prettier.
Inside, Jun is cooking when Robert comes in. "I'm sick of Dana! Now she's out there telling us that she knows we threw HOH last week just so we could get her out!" Jun goes outside to talk to Dana and find out what she meant by that. Dana explains that Jack told her the Stooges threw HOH, and that they planned on voting her out this week. "He said I think we have a stronger bond than we really do." (You speak wisely, Grasshopper.)
Jun says none of the guys would have done that because they would have risked putting themselves on the block. Dana goes to Robert to apologize, and Bachelor No. 1 says he had no plan to vote her out and that Jack is lying. She then goes to Bachelor No. 2 Jee, who says he had no plan to vote her out and that Jack is lying. Then, it's on to Bachelor No. 3 Justin, who says he had no plan to vote her out and that Jack is lying, and that he enjoys sunsets and long walks on the beach. Dana thinks Jack is a scumbag who played with her emotions. "Why would he do that to me when I'm going home anyway? Just to prove a point that I shouldn't have switched sides?" (Bingo.)
Incidentally, all of this is played out right in front of Jun, the other nominee up for eviction. You couldn't have planned it better if you tried.
Bachelor No. 3 wins alone time with Dana in the bedroom, and he tells her that she needs to apologize to Jun "because she thinks you've been campaigning against her. Everyone knows you threatened Erika." Dana: "Erika came to ME! And I would never campaign against Jun - she's my peeps, ya know?"
Meanwhile, in the kitchen:
Jun: "Do you have a runny nose?"
Robert: "No."
(Let me repeat that.)
Jun: "Do you have a runny nose?"
Robert, wiping his nose with his hand, says that no, he does not.
I'm thinking that Robert must not have gotten any handkerchiefs for high school graduation gifts. Don't most guys get a bunch? Some of them even monogrammed? You would think he could at least borrow one from his grandfather, being that he lives so close and all.
Robert tells Nate that Dana is "wigging out" over what Jack said. "Tell Jack that we are still going to vote her out, but to keep quiet about it." In the meantime, Dana is looking over the BB Rule Book, trying to find a loophole that will keep her in the game. Bunny tells her to look in the section marked "Not a Chance in Hell You're Staying."
BB gives the HGs a Big Brother board game to play. Bunny tries to look over their shoulders to see some of the questions on the board. She quickly spots one. "Who is more likely to star in a commercial for Kleenex Tissues? Boogie or Robert?" The answer is Tonya. You know, the leaks and all.
There was another one that stumped me for a minute. "Which of these items sold for the most money on Ebay? Hardy's toothbrush that Shannon used to scrub the toilet? Or a swatch of carpet that Dave puked on? The answer, believe it or not, was Eric's hose. But they tell me it was returned by the buyer after she discovered it wasn't what she thought it was. Go figure.
Actually, it's not a Big Brother board game after all. It's a game with little square pegs that you have to fit into round holes or something along those lines. It doesn't really matter - the important thing is that Jun loves playing it and it's keeping her out of the snacks. Big props to Jun today. She's working out like a mo-fo, as they say. Jumping rope, crunches, weights - you name it. This is what I was talking about. Start with a flabby person and let us watch an Extreme Makeover. Or, as in this case, start with a person who wasn't flabby, but then came into the house and got flabby, but is now trying to un-flabisize herself while we watch and cheer her on. You go, Jun. Looking good, baby.
Her workout is interrupted, however, by Dana, who takes Justin's advice and comes out to apologize. "I wasn't campaigning against you. Erika approached ME!" Jun runs to Justin later to ask him why he told Dana to apologize. "I would have liked to have handled it myself in my own time," she says. "I didn't want any more drama from her right now." Justin says he's sorry for getting in the middle of it. Robert takes Justin's side and Jee takes Jun's side, but they hash it all out and the situation is resolved. When Jun gets in the shower, Robert leans over the door to lend a listening ear to Jun's last little bit of venting. And here's where Bunny again gives Robert his due, because he seems to be actually listening, not pretending to listen so he can sneak a peek at Jun soaping up.
Alison comes into the bathroom and tells Robert and Jun that Nate grabbed her thigh and made fun of the weight she's gained. "Now I just might have to support having him put on the block." Uh oh. Nate, I know you're young - and maybe you never had sisters - but if there's one thing you don't do, it's tell a woman she's chunky. I don't care if she's gone from Lara Flynn Boyle to Camryn Manheim, you pretend you don't notice. Hell hath no fury like a woman who thinks she's "all that" and then someone comes along and tells her, "No, you're all fat." Bunny can say it because she's just trying to help, but you can't.
Erika and Jack are playing the new game BB gave them. Erika says, "Dana has been shooting daggers at me all day." Jack says it's a shame that Dana wouldn't listen to them. "She chose to believe that they wouldn't turn on her, when we warned her that they would. She still thinks they are on her side." Outside, Robert is overheard saying, "I'll be glad when the voting is over tomorrow. Then we'll be able to get all that bad energy out of this house." See, Dana? They tol' ya and they tol' ya, and you just put your fingers in your ears. Which, by the way, are nothing like Yoda's - I don't care what anybody says.
Hoppy trails,
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