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Bunny
| Wednesday, August 06, 2003 - 11:37 am 
It's still Monday night. Welcome to Big Brother Bore.
Just kidding. I've actually been pretty entertained up to this point. You might want to check with me after a week with no Dana, though. Say what you will - she kept me hopping.
Jack tells Erika that Dana doesn't believe what he told her about her alliance. "She wants you and I to save her when the guys she trusts the most are stabbing her in the back. I wanted her to know." Erika: "I just hope it didn't bring any heat on you." Jack: "They're going to nominate Nate and me anyway. I don't think I can escape it." (The buzzards are circling, Jack. Even the sexy ones.)
Robert tells Justin they can open up a restaurant with their winnings. I say just throw in what you get on the BB2 restaurant that Mike and Will have opened up. We don't need the confusion of another place owned by former contestants. Bunny won't know which one to choose when she comes to L.A. Not that she'll be welcome at either.
Justin and Dana are rolling around under the covers, smacking and smooching. Bunny doesn't want to intrude, so she switches feeds to eavesdrop on a conversation between Robert and Jun.
Robert: "Dana is very masculine in the way she walks and talks. I could never talk to her on the outside."
Jun: "And she eats with her mouth open. I can't eat that way - my mom would slap me across the head."
Robert: "I hope I never see her again after this. We have absolutely nothing in common."
Oh, yes, you do, Robert. Lots of things. For example, she's Cuban and you're Cuban. She's on pb&j this week and so are you. She threatened Erika with eviction, you threatened her with a stripper. She's always picking on Ali, you're always picking period. See what I mean? Lots in common.
The HGs cave in a bit earlier than usual since tomorrow is Voting Day. On Tuesday morning, everyone is awakened to start casting their ballots for eviction. Bunny asks if the tortoises are on the docket, but is told to stop asking stupid questions. Then she asks if anyone in the house has a tattoo that has anything to do with anything, and again, she's told to be quiet.
The tattoos in this house are worthless, in my opinion, because they really don't amount to much. You can't even tell what they are, and they have no real meaning. Like, why didn't Dana get a tattoo of the wise-cracking karate guru Pat Morita instead of that blob on her back? And who would argue that Jun needs to represent with a box of Crunch 'n' Munch or a large pepperoni pizza? I do hold out some hope that Robert won't let me down. I'd pay a hundred bucks to see "Hollywood Hip" engraved on his right flank.
Jee mentioned that he absolutely loves fishnet hose on women. Jun opts to wear her fishnet swimsuit cover-up to give interviews in the Diary Room. Tell me, is this an Asian thing? Or maybe a New York thing? Maybe it's specific to Asian New Yorkers, much in the same vein that ten-gallon hats are associated with Texans and feather boas are linked with Liza Minnelli impersonators.
Jack and Nate begin the morning outside, and Erika soon joins them in you-know-what. As the old joke goes, when the world ends, only two things will remain: cockroaches and TSPDB. Jack says he is going to count the polka dots, and Bunny wonders why he hasn't had time to do this already. She's managed to count them 52 times.
Ali goes in to vote, then Jack. Next is Robert, who then says, "I've never seen the house so happy. Dana is crazy. I can't wait to see the final outcome tomorrow." And the rest of us can't wait to see if she turns over the dining room table.
Jee hears a plane outside and looks up. "We haven't had a single banner," he says. I'm sorry, Jee, but BB won't allow it. Otherwise, I would send one that said, "ASIAN HGS PLS XPLN UR FASCNATN W/FSHNT."
The cameraman zooms in on Erika's breasts, which are stellar, by the way. Bunny wishes she could buy some herself but writing for free doesn't pay as much as you think it does.
The HGs spend the better part of the afternoon playing Quoridor, the game BB gave them. It's the best way they can think of to avoid Dana, who still thinks she may have gotten some votes to stay in the house. She doesn't realize that in order to get votes to stay, someone might have to actually WANT her to stay, and right now you're probably thinking - what about Justin? Yes, Justin likes having her around to play with under the covers and to give him massages, as well as to tie her karate black belt around his wrists and then to the bedpost so she can spank him with a whip while looming over him in dominatrix attire. (Okay, I haven't actually seen her do that, but I go to bed early so I'm sure I've just missed it.) But even young boys, they do get weary, and Justin realizes his only break from the pent-up sexual frustration he's feeling is to get Dana out of the house. It's a matter of health and well-being.
Robert tells Jun that he doesn't feel sorry for Dana. "I don't feel bad for her. She got to come in here and be on TV. I don't feel sorry for ANYbody!" (Remember that when you get out, Robman. If you try to come after me because I've hurt your feelings, I'm going to quote your own self right backatcha.)
Rob: "What do sequestered people see?"
Jun: "Nominations, veto competitions, food competitions, HOH, Bunny's summaries...that's about it."
Rob: "Who the heck is Bunny?"
Jun: "Oh, she just reports what's happening in the house. She usually zooms in on someone like Nate or Justin and devotes all her attention to watching them work out. She couldn't care less about the rest of us."
Rob: "So she's not likely to report on my crying jags, or my allergy problems, or the jollies I get from taking Viagra?"
Jun: "No way."
Rob: "And she won't report that the American flag bikini you've been wearing is getting a tad too small and that the BB seamstress might need to add a few more states and colonies to the bottom?"
Jun: "No, she stays completely away from politics."
Robert tells his alliance, "I don't just know people in Hollywood. I know people in Arizona, too. We need to take a road trip there." No doubt he's talking about one Danny Bonaduce. Yeah, he's from Arizona and I bet he's on hiatus from "The Better Half" or "The Other Half" or "Half Man, Half Goat" or whatever that show is he emcees and Rob's going to take his BB pals down there to take a look at his Partridge Family memorabilia. Well, when you get there, buddy, be sure to tell him that Bunny says, "I think I love you," or "C'mon, get happy." Either one - take your pick. Oh, and tell him I was all giggly when I said it.
Bunny would ask you to get an autograph, but her wall is already taken up with photos of past BB cast members. It's a hassle, though, because she has to take them down every time her relatives come for a visit. Her grandmother just wouldn't understand why they all say, "To Bunny, You SUCK!"
Robert comes into the kitchen to fix a mustard sandwich. He takes a bottle of Tobasco sauce and liberally sprinkles it on the bread. And then he sprinkles some more. And some more. There you have it, folks - the answer as to why Robert's nose is constantly running. Tobasco. Yep, there's not a one of us who eats Mexican food that doesn't know what the hot stuff can do to you. Robert, I apologize for thinking it was cocaine.
Rob: "Jun, why did you apply for this show? For the money?"
Jun: "For the attention. I crave it, and here I get it 24/7."
Bunny: "You do realize it's not all good, don't you?"
Bunny would like to break the run of compulsive eating jokes and give Jun a little carrot - not to eat, because that would fall back into the same category. No, Bunny wants to let Jun know how fabulous she looks in red. Not red, white, and blue, but just red. When Jun puts that bright red apron over whatever she's wearing, the color does wonders for her. And it has nothing to do with shielding us from bikinis that no longer fit or cover-ups that do but don't look good.
Alison goes to the kitchen to dip into the bowl of M&Ms. She notices all the brown ones are gone. "Who took all the brown ones out, huh? Who would do that?" All signs point to the lone Ranger. It's understandable that he would feel entitled to a souvenir.
Jun and Dana are talking in the kitchen.
Jun: "I don't need these people in my life. This is just a game so, whatever, goodbye."
Dana: "I know, it's just that I trusted so many people. I f'in' fell. I never should have allowed myself to trust. But then again, I like these people, but these people are all in here playing a game. How do I even know that I would like these people outside of here? How do I know I would like YOU outside of here? My friends are probably ready to send a helicopter in here after me because they know I get crazy...that's how I get...they know that's how I get. My nerves are shot, I'm sitting here trying to play this game and it's impossible but it was still fun. I don't regret anything. And it's only when the chips are down that you start to get crazy, because last week I was fine."
Jun: "Yeah, you were fine."
Bunny: "That's right, you were fine."
Right before bed, Alison tells Jee and Robert that Nate found out about her alliance with Justin. "We didn't tell him; maybe Dana did," says Jee. Ali lets them know that Jack and Nate have an alliance. "They've had one for a long time, and Erika is on Jack's side. Now don't stay up too long; I need you to win HOH tomorrow!" Well, well, well...it's Dana without the paranoia.
In bed, Justin and Dana have a reveille romp, one last "let's pretend" shag before Dana exits. In the heat of the moment, Dana blurts out, "I love you. You know that, right? I fell in love with you the moment you entered the house." Justin replies that the Phillies are having a great season this year. Bunny replies that she loves Dana, too, but that people around here ought to learn that this sort of stuff doesn't work when you save it for the last night before you're evicted. It got Amanda nowhere, it got David nowhere... see, there's a better way. What you do is, promise them a ride on your teeter-totter IF they get everyone to KEEP you. Dangle it in front of them as a prize much more valuable than any old HOH, and tell them they get it the night the other person is voted out. I'm telling you, it's guaranteed to garner some votes. Unless you're Jun.
Not to say that Jun can't get her share of men. Just not in this house. I don't know why - Lord knows she's giving it her best effort - but the fish just aren't biting. Maybe they feel trapped or something, I don't know.
Hoppy trails,
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