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Bunny
| Friday, August 08, 2003 - 11:55 am 
BB wakes up the HGs very, very early Thursday morning for a food competition. The first order of business is BB's distribution of medications to Jack, Ali, and Jun. Bunny was able to get clearance from the cast physician to reveal to you what each of them is taking, but please keep it confidential.
Jun has been prescribed omega-3 fatty acids (a.k.a. fish oil) and sugar-coated cereal fortified with essential vitamins and minerals. Alison is scheduled for a quick session of behavior modification therapy, and even though it seems to curtail her narcissism somewhat, it has absolutely no effect on lying, bed-hopping, or the ability to rationalize why she insists on wearing the word "DANCE" on every piece of clothing she owns, yet fails to entertain us with even so much as a shuffle-ball-change.
Jack is taking memory pills; the dosage has been doubled since last night's HOH competition during which he was the only one who couldn't remember that Dana was the contestant who had the most obsessive personality. I'm beginning to understand why he's a "former" F.B.I. agent. One of America's Most Wanted could walk right past him and he wouldn't have the foggiest idea why the guy looked familiar.
Take note that Robert has not been called in for either post-nasal drip capsules OR Viagra.
Jun looks stunning in the dress she is wearing for the Live Show, and as she walks past Jee, he calls out, "Miss Twig!" This scores Bunny points for Jee because everyone likes a self-esteem builder. Jun doesn't seem to take this as a compliment, though, and tells Jee not to call her that. It could be that she isn't flattered by the nickname because sometimes the twigs of sequoias are thicker than an elephant's behind.
Alison also looked quite appealing on last night's show. She revealed that the dress was Erika's, which leads one to question where that particular dress was the night the florescent MC Hammer pants made their debut. I'm a bit worried about Erika. She seems abnormally fascinated with the '80s. What's next - puff-paint t-shirts and leg warmers?
I know those pants are back in style, but they shouldn't be. I have no clue whose "bright" idea it was to manufacture them in electric lime, but I had an instant psychedelic flashback of Kermit undergoing shock treatments. I must say, though, that Erika redeemed herself on the show last night with a much nicer mode of attire. So much so that I was able to forget for a minute that she showed up in the Diary Room in polka dots.
Nate confesses that he is the one who took out all the brown M&Ms. (My apologies for blaming Dave.) He thinks they taste different from the others. It's an Oklahoma thing that goes way back. Their taste buds are different - ask anyone. They will eat only red potatoes, white rice, yellow mustard, and green beans. Nate also doesn't like to mix chocolate and vanilla, or brown sugar with white, as evidenced by his statement that he would be uncomfortable letting his daughter marry a black man. But let it be said that after some cultural awakening by Erika, Nate seemed to become more open-minded, and could soon be a spokesperson for racial tolerance and the bold blending of ivory and mocha. Just not in Oklahoma.
While we're on the subject of geography, I'll share with you that Alison claims to have gone to the state of Arkansas to shop for a pageant gown and was in a battle for dresses with a group of transvestites. I'll caution you not to buy this story for even a minute, because (1) maybe my map is an old one and we've lost Mississippi or something, but the last time I checked, Arkansas was nowhere near Ali's home in Florida, and (2) there are NO - I repeat, NO - transvestites in Arkansas. Just ask Eddie Murphy. He refused to work the comedy circuit in the state for that very reason. Once in awhile, you'll see a farmer sowing the soybean fields with a pair of pantyhose hidden under his overalls, but that's only on days when the humidity is low. Nylon is sweltering in the Delta.
It's time for the Food Challenge and Justin is ready to give instructions. He has changed into a chef's tunic and tall hat, which causes Bunny to contemplate the existence of funny-looking head pieces and why people don't know how stupid they look in them. That's why you never wanted to wear a Dunce Cap in school - you LOOKED like a moron, and therefore, everyone made a natural assumption that you WERE a moron. That's how I feel about a chef's hat, and, to a lesser degree, a fez. Oh, and those pointy birthday hats, too. If you think your eight-year-old has the face of an angel, trust me when I say that the minute you put one of those hats on him, he turns into the biggest dork on the block.
Justin divides the contestants into teams. One member of each team is the chef and the other is a food. Jack dons a fruity strawberry suit for the competition and dives into a huge replica of a bowl, filled to the brim with cereal. After seeing Jack floating in milk in red leotards, Bunny superglues shut the box of Post Toasties on her shelf and marks all berries of any kind off her grocery list.
Jee is dressed as a frankfurter. Bunny is proud of BB for remembering that Jee periodically refers to himself as "a weenie," and thus was trying to make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Nathan was forced into a chicken costume, which brought tears to fans of BB1, who know there's only one Chicken Man.
Jun was upset to be dressed in a yellow banana skin because she thought BB was making fun of her ancestry. That never entered their minds, because at the time they planned this competition, the suit was meant to be worn by Dave.
The other HGs are chefs who have to use the Foods in a recipe. Jack is the Breakfast meal, with Erika mixing him into the cereal and adding milk. Robert coats Jee in mustard and catsup for Lunch, Alison adds onions to Nathan for a chicken fajita Dinner, and Justin turns Jun into a banana split for Dessert. After they all complete their cooking tasks, they head for the shower - all except Jun, who eats herself.
The HGs are told that they have won meals from Subway and Bunny is taken aback, certain that the sponsors of this competition were Kellogg's, Oscar Meyer, Taco Bell, and Chiquita. Jack, looking berry sweet in his fruit bonnet, gives Bunny the idea of sending him to Arkansas for a pageant gown, but then thinks better of it and decides the transvestites there would prefer spending time with Jee the Weiner, especially since he's bun-length.
Jack and Erika strategize a bit while resting from the competition. They are content not to win HOH and want to "let the others do the dirty work of getting rid of Nate and Ali."
Erika: "If I had won, I would have nominated Justin and Robert, and then the others would have come after me."
Jack: "I think they're going after Nate this week. I know they want Ali out, too. Maybe we'll be able to scoop up Jun."
Speaking of scoops, Erika has her two firmly planted in the outfit that is bound to represent BB4 in the Smithsonian. She says she thought about staying in bed today "but the producers would be unhappy if I did because they want me up and about in my bikini." Jack says, "Your bikini makes the whole show," and Erika agrees with him. Bunny doesn't hear the rest of the conversation because she's busy looking for someone to light the stick of dynamite she just inserted in her mouth. We all have our limits.
Justin tells the others that Alison broke her nose a couple of times and had to have plastic surgery to repair it. First of all, how does a girl who spends her off-hours walking down pageant runways get her nose broken two times? Fighting backstage over lipstick? And second, someone needs to ask her plastic surgeon for the money back. Get a referral from Michael Jackson and try again.
Nate pleads his case to stay in the house to Jee and Robert, promising not to nominate them or Justin if he wins HOH. "If we don't nominate you," says Robert, "will you give those gold chains a rest? They're starting to bug Bunny." "Oh, yeah, sure. They probably don't help with the whole gay issue, either," replies Nate.
Robert and Jee deliver Nate's message to Justin and Jun.
Robert: "Nate thinks Erika will come after him if we let him stay. She's still mad at him about Dave." Jun: "Ali fed that b.s. to Nate. Everyone's over the Dave thing."
Robert: "Yeah, I'm not buying that Erika is mad at him. They are still part of the same alliance."
Jun: "Ali and Nate are certainly still in an alliance. That's why she's urging us to get rid of Jack. That group considers Justin the biggest threat, followed by me."
No, Jun, it's not that they consider you a threat. It's just that they think you're giving the American flag a bum rap.
Justin is lying on the bed with his hand in his pants again. Correct me if I'm wrong, but does it make sense to run around shirtless, in shorts, and barefoot if you're so cold that you have to seek shelter for your fingers inside your Fruit of the Looms?
Robert tells his buddies that he knows people outside the house are calling them the Dream Team. This makes Bunny want to scream, so she's changing it. But then she thinks better of it, knowing that if they hear themselves referred to as the Scream Team, they will think it's because the girls are lined up waiting for autographs, screaming for them like they're the Beatles or maybe even Duran Duran.
Erika shares that she made it to the semi-finals of "Amazing Race" twice. It's a shame she didn't make it to the finals. She would have had an easy time traveling all over the world since she packs light.
It's Alison's birthday so BB gives them ice cream and the makings for a sundae buffet. It's against the rules to sing "Happy Birthday," so the HGs make up a rap in her honor:
"Yo, yo, she's the Birthday Girl and her name is Al-lee
And just like her namesake, she stings like a bee
We've seen her float between the beds of three
But we can't say "butterfly" or Robert will flee"
After the party, it's time for the Nomination Ceremony. Predictably, Justin names Nate and Jack. Nate tells Alison that she should try to win the Veto and save him, but Jun tells the Scheme Team (sorry, fellas, but I call it as I see it)that she thinks Ali will throw the Veto competition.
Ali has Robert and Jee's undivided attention as she regales them with tales about Justin.
Ali: "Once when I was at his house, he was drunk and got up to go to the bathroom in just his socks (picture it, folks). He never came back. Turns out he had crawled in bed with his roommate." Robert: "That's so gay."
Ali: "He has a bed built up on a platform like a throne, with two concrete lions sitting on either side."
Robert: "Again, gay."
Ali: "He also has a calendar of half-naked guys. He glued pictures of himself over their faces."
Robert: "Extra-gay."
Nate, you are now safe from conjecture. Pink toenails and gold chains are a drop in the bucket compared to gargoyles guarding your bed and Stud of the Month mock-ups.
Bunny's just kidding. She knows Justin isn't gay. He obviously just got lost on his way back to his bedroom that night and we all know how guys hate to ask for directions. As far as the platform bed, it's never a bad idea to prepare for a flood emergency that may occur during the night. The calendar is - well, I can't really explain the calendar. That really is gay.
Nate tells Alison that it is her fault he is on the block.
Nate: "If you would have put Justin up, I wouldn't be in this position. I hurt myself saving you, and I hurt Jack and Erika, too. You went behind my back and made a deal with Justin. I don't trust anyone anymore. If I survive this week, I'm looking out for myself. I won't trust Jack, Erika, OR you. But I think I'm going home."
Ali: "I don't want you to leave. Try to make a deal with Justin."
Nate: "I did try. He wouldn't look me in the eye. I told him I wouldn't nominate the three of them. That's the best I could offer." (I don't know, Nate. Walk around naked in socks and see what happens.)
Justin: "It's really cold in Pittsburgh. I had to walk to school in the snow."
Erika: "I used to walk in the cold wind in Chicago. I would tell myself that someday I would live some place warm."
Justin: "No need to move. I've got a secret I'll share with you for staying toasty. You'll soon be tossing your itchy mittens and leatherette gloves in the trash."
The HGs call it a night so they'll be well-rested for the Veto competition tomorrow. Jee is tucked snugly in his blanket, Ali and Nate are warmly snuggling spoon-style, and Justin and Erika? They scoff at the freezing temperature of the room by shielding only their palms, his tucked in his jammies and hers in the warmth that only polka dots can provide.
Hoppy trails,
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