| Author |
Message |
Bunny
| Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 6:51 pm 
Late on Sunday night, Jack approaches Jun about coming back into the original alliance and bringing Jee. Jun suggests to Jack that he talk to Jee himself. Bunny suggests to Jack that he's wasting his time because Jee and his buds have a deal to share the moola. They are all excited about banking at the same place as Carmen Electra.
Jack proposes a deal to Jun. He promises her that he and Erika will nominate Justin and Robert if either of them gets HOH, and that she and Jee will be safe. Plus, he will see that she gets a part in the next Kellogg's commercial, showing the world how Pop Tarts helped her to survive her house imprisonment. Jun agrees to talk to Jee and let Jack know what he says. Jack shares this info with Erika, and they cross their fingers that Jun and Jee will take them up on their offer. (Saying "cross your fingers" reminds Bunny of "cross your heart bras," which reminds her of bikini tops with no underwire support, which reminds her of Erika and the fact that the tank suit BB so generously donated to her wardrobe is nowhere in site. Instead, Bunny is seeing spots before her eyes and, as usually follows such a condition, is feeling quite faint. Someone call Jason Guy. She needs divine intervention.)
Jun lets Jee know about the deal that Jack and Erika are offering, but Jee isn't interested in joining Jack's alliance. He is afraid he will have to wear a fedora and a brown trench coat everywhere he goes, along with women's clothing underneath it. "It's been written in the by-laws ever since J. Edgar Hoover," says Jee. Jun reminds him that it wouldn't be all bad. "Think about it - you would get paid for wearing fishnet stockings!" But Jee denies he has a fetish (and thereby denies his very self), and he and Jun decide to relay Jack's offer to Robert and Justin.
Justin: "I expected this to happen."
Jun: "They are grasping at straws."
Robert: "Game over next week, game over."
Justin: "Well, they had to try something."
Jun: "Erika is hiding in a corner, she is so scared."
(You would be, too, if you just realized that you weren't getting paid for the sudsy nude photos of yourself circulating all over the internet, or that having a fiance with genital warts is nothing compared to having one who constantly leaves boogers on the pillow. I also know she's trying to deal with the earth-shattering news that salsa dancing is on its way out. Just when you think the whole world has gone mambo crazy, you wake up to find it's into swing. No one ever said life was easy, mamacita.)
Robert: "Jack is such a dumb guy. How can you even respect him?" (Please don't hold the strawberry thing against him - that really wasn't his fault.) "That's something I wouldn't even imagine doing. I hope he comes to me and I'll make an idiot out of him." (Bunny wonders how Robert plans to do this, since he kind of put the word on the map. Not the map of L.A., where he's happenin', but all the other maps.)
Jun: "Rob, you better f'ing win that f'ing HOH next week."
(Note to Hollywood: You better hope so, too, because if he doesn't, he's liable to be out amongst you soon, trying to get call-backs for Justin and a spot for Jee on "Baywatch Bangkok." The porn version, if nothing else.)
Nate is prepared to grovel to keep from being evicted this week.
Nate: "Justin, I told you I wouldn't put you up and I didn't. I have no alliance here - even Jack and Erika are after me over Dave. "
Justin: "You had a good thing going until you took Ali down."
Nate: "If you spare me this time, I swear I'll put up anyone you want me to."
Justin: "The only reason I would consider it is because Jack is going next week anyway, so it doesn't really matter if he goes now."
(Strawberry Apple Jacks: Coming soon to a store near you. Go berry or go home.)
Jack senses that the tide may be turning.
Jack: "Nate is in the HOH room talking to Justin. It doesn't make sense that they would all gang up on us. It isn't right to pick on senior citizens."
(Don't worry, Jack. When you get out, Robert will pull enough strings to get you a handicapped parking sticker AND a big part in the remake of "Cocoon.")
Erika: "Justin was way too adamant about getting Nate put up. It's not going to happen."
Justin summons Robert and Jee in order to present a case for keeping Nate.
Justin: "Ali brainwashed him. He's humiliated. All of his anger is directed toward her. He would really be grateful if we let him stay."
Robert: "The longer we let Nate stay, the harder it will be for us. I want him out."
Jun: "Nate will run back to Ali and Erika; he's not stupid."
Justin: "I don't think he will. He would be on probation with us."
Jee: "Why risk it?"
Jun: "We have the opportunity to get him out - we need to take it."
Justin: "But he can influence Ali to throw HOH."
Robert: "We'll do whatever you say, but it's best for the team if he goes."
Bunny hopes Nate stays just so she can start calling them Goldilocks and the Three Bores - or maybe the Okie from Muskogee and His Tulsa Ticks. What do you think?
Justin brings Nate into the HOH room and tells him to plead his case to Robert and Jee.
Nate: "I'll do anything you want me to do. I'm just asking for a second chance. But if you do decide to vote me out, would you give me a heads up and not pull a "Michelle" on me?"
What does that mean exactly, Nate? That you don't want them dressing up in lettuce and parading around half-naked in front of you? I can totally see where you're coming from on that, bro. But if it's just that you want them to tell you whether or not you're going, I'll save you the trouble. You are.
Alison asks Justin what Nate was up to. Justin tells her that Nate offered to join their alliance. Ali throws a hissy fit, much akin to the one she threw when she found out she didn't win Miss Congeniality. Or even Miss Sorta Nice.
Ali: "Nate would flip against you in a heartbeat."
Justin: "Well, as for now, Nate is going home."
(Sorry, Nate. Don't say I didn't warn you.)
Robert: "Justin, you wear the same clothes every day. Your socks could walk on their own." Bunny didn't want to say anything about this earlier, but now that Robert brings it up, I guess it's safe to say that Justin is striving to be the Will and/or Roddy of the season - you know, the guy who wears the same pair of pants but claims to have several pair just alike when you call him on it.
While Jun is cooking dinner, Jack comes into the kitchen and Jun tells him about Nate begging to stay. She squeals that Nate almost convinced Justin to evict Jack, but in the end, they decided to stay with their original plan.
Exit Jack, enter Robert. Jun tells him that Jack wants to know what is going on, and is very scared. Robert: "Nathan's still out, right?"
Jun: "As far as I'm concerned, he is. Once I make up my mind, it takes something drastic to change it."
Exit Robert, enter Jee.
Jun: "I just want you to know that I'm not going for HOH this week. Go for it if you want to, but we're not the targets this week. Robert and Justin are the targets."
Exit Jee, enter Bunny.
Jun: "I know what you think about my red, white, and blue swimsuit, but I just can't give it up. I'm wearing it for the boys in Iraq."
Bunny: "Well, I'm all for patriotic duty, but couldn't you better serve your country by working to beautify America?"
After dinner, the guys want to get in the hot tub and play what I like to call the "As If My Brain Isn't Waterlogged Enough" game. It involves going underwater and breathing air through the hot tub jets. The winner is the guy who can stay under the longest. Some say they are looking for Dave down there, and I have no doubt they'll eventually float into him. Jun tells Justin, "I'll give you a blow j-- if you stay underwater for ten minutes." Justin stays under nine. I'm not saying he didn't want to win the prize or anything like that.
Robert has an attentive audience in the hot tub as he gives the other guys pointers on how to make it in Hollywood.
Robert: "You may not get an acting part right away. But I can get you a job as a bartender so you can make some money while you're going on auditions."
Justin: "I thought we were going to open a restaurant."
Robert: "Yeah, that, too, but I still haven't thought of a catchy one-word name for it."
(Bunny would suggest NOSTRILS, but she knows that people might run from the opening.)
Nate: "Justin, do you want to be an actor?"
Justin: "Might as well try it while I'm out here."
Nate: "We walked in common folk and we're walking out celebrities."
Yep, and you'll always have your own special table at Belly's. Look for the one that says RESERVED FOR THOSE WHO THINK WE GIVE A DAMN.
Hoppy trails,
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