| Author |
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Bunny
| Saturday, August 16, 2003 - 7:55 pm 
Early Friday morning, Alison assists Jun in making omelets for everyone. She drops an egg or two on the floor, chops the mushrooms too small, and all in all, drives Jun crazy in the kitchen. "You're off egg duty," says Jun. And, "We want our customers to be able to see the mushrooms." Guess it's true what they say: Too many cooks spoil the broth - or at least the double-egg omelets with 'shrooms.
Jack asks Erika how she slept her first night in the HOH room. Erika says she was in the pink. Not really, but I know that's what she meant.
Jee and Robert are still lying in bed. Robert says, "Every day in the house with those girls gets f'ing worse. I can't stand hearing their voices." You're in luck, Rob. Chances are you won't have to hear them very much longer.
Alison joins them in the bedroom. Jee tells her she is cool with both sides.
Ali: "I haven't committed to Jack and Erika since the Original 8, and that was a long time ago."
Jee: "You earned your stay in the house and you have my vote in the end. The only thing I appreciate from Jun is the cooking. She hasn't earned her stay."
Rob: "Next week we'll put up Jack and Jun and get rid of Jun."
Jee: "Jun is in the middle. It may seem like I have an alliance with her, but I don't. She didn't have to leave the cage so early. She was only thinking of herself."
Rob: "She screwed herself."
Jee: "I told them I wouldn't use the veto, but I will if I get it."
Ali: "They will probably put up Jun if you do. I'm on your side. I just pretend to be on Jack's and Erika's."
(Say a prayer for the pretender.)
Alison stands beside Erika in the bathroom, and while they are both applying their makeup, Ali confides to Erika that the other alliance has turned on Jun. "They hate her! But Jun will slide through the game if we don't get her out," says Alison. Bunny thinks so, too. With all that fish oil, it's inevitable.
It's time for nominations and Erika is having a difficult time staying composed. She is shaking and trying hard not to cry. I know she is worried about putting Robert on the block and upsetting him. She fears he might retaliate by....oh, I don't know...sleeping with a stripper or something. But this is a game and she knows she has to do what she has to do, so she nominates her ex-lover for eviction, along with Justin.
They take it well if you don't count the pouting or the cursing or the snot Robert is getting on Erika's pillow as he cries his little eyes out; instead, they turn their anger on Jun. Robert tells Alison, "I just let Jun know that she is NOT on our side and cannot come back to our side and I have no intention of voting for her in the end. Now it is f'ing on!" Alison: "Jun told me that Nate wanted me out. Did he ever say anything bad about me to you?" Rob: "No way. He only mentioned once that he was upset you wouldn't let him borrow your body glitter."
Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Jack tells Erika that they may want to make a deal with Jun in case she gets HOH next week. "The others are already making deals regarding future competitions, and she is feeling left out after her confrontation with Robert. Much like a beached whale." (He said it, people, I didn't.)
Jack says he avoids seeing any movie with Tommy Lee Jones in it. "He always plays the same character." I don't know about that, Jack. Pardon me if I beg to differ that his spot-on performance as Mooney "Doo" Lynn in "Coal Miner's Daughter" (which should have been called "Loretta Lynn Was Nothing Without Doo") was similar in any way to his magnificent portrayal of Abner Snopes in the 1980 made-for-TV movie, "Pa, Ain't That the Barn Burning?" And are you going to try and tell me that his role as TwoFace didn't totally make the "Batman" movie? Puh-leeze.
Jack says, "Justin is playing a great game; that's why he has to go."
Erika: "EVERYone is playing a great game. Just because Jun goes back and forth doesn't make her any less of a player than those of us who are loyal."
Jack: "Robert apologized to Jun. You just can't go off like that. You need to keep your mouth SHUT."
Erika: "Justin must be dying."
Jack: "Yeah, he didn't even want to be in that alliance in the first place."
(Justin, didn't your mother ever tell you that if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas? And then you get evicted from the kennel?)
Coincidentally, Justin and Erika are at this moment talking mongrels.
Erika: "I don't think Robert hates me."
Justin: "He said you patched some things up. But he does think you're a little too crazy about your dogs."
Okay, now, Robert, don't knock Erika for being an animal lover (she took YOU in, didn't she?). It's not her fault anyway. When a woman starts pushing 40 and she has no husband or children, she tends to lavish her attention on pets. It's a condition that seems to be spinster specific. If you don't believe me, just wait and see what happens if Erika wins the 500 grand. I can guarantee you'll see someone named Fifi or Fido, or more likely Pink-a-Boo or Li'l Spot, get moved to First Beneficiary in her will.
Justin: "The dumbest thing Nate ever did was use the POV to save Ali."
(No, Justin, the dumbest thing he ever did was forget to ask the producers for my phone number before he left.)
Erika: "Dana looked relieved when she went."
Justin: "She was campaigning against Jun, even though she said she wasn't. She said she regretted not nominating Nate."
(Bunny understands completely. She couldn't have done it either.)
Jun says that Jee has a nice voice. "Sing the 'Star-Spangled Banner, Jee!'" Jee declines, saying he doesn't feel like it. I'm telling you, Jun, the grand ol' flag you keep wearing on your hind end is not doing a thing to promote patriotism. Try asking him to sing "O beautiful for spacious thighs."
It's time for the POV competition, which, by all indications, is the longest in BB history. Jun is the winner. BB gives them alcohol to celebrate, and everyone imbibes except Robert. Rob has been sober for over a year now, and I think he deserves our applause, don't you? Say what you will about his women-bashing, his cursing, his delusions of grandeur, and his women-bashing - he's still a shining example of someone who overcame addiction. Well, maybe not shining, but still, an example.
Not like a role model in the same vein as your favorite Backstreet Boy and mine, Mr. A.J. McLean, who got into rehab, broke off his love affair with Jack Daniels, and then got out, with every hair follicle either in place or hidden under a nappy bandana. No, Robert's image is more along the line of Nick Nolte, a man whose finger-in-the-socket hair issues kept him out of the loop when it came to choosing people to travel the AA lecture circuit.
Robert probably wishes he COULD drown his sorrows in some Smirnoff right now, since Jun is the Veto holder and he made the mistake of dressing her down earlier in the day.
Rob: "Jun cheated."
Justin: "No, she's just smart. You couldn't cheat at that game."
Rob: "I hope I never see any of these b--ches ever again."
Poor Robert - raindrops keep falling on his head. First he's humiliated all over America by being the first wussy to leave the cage. Then he gets nominated by his former girlfriend whose boobs he probably paid for. Next he loses the Power of Veto - and to top it off, it's to the very person he declared to be more putrid than a petrified possum. Yep, if there ever was a time to marinate yourself in moonshine and mash whiskey until you're toodled, noodled, perked, and pickled, today would have been it.
Robert, I feel it's time we sat down and had a little talk. You are (and I say this with love) a meathead. But that's only because you refuse to acknowledge that half the world is not only made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but it's also capable of beating you like a dusty rug in competitions. Girls can run faster than you, they can keep jobs longer than you, and they don't need Viagra to keep it going all night. They can also drink you under the table, but I realize that's not your fault. In fact, I commend you for your commitment to sobriety and wonder why you can't apply that same perseverance toward altering your snotty attitude toward my gender.
Just pretend that every female you meet was once cocooned like a butterfly. But instead of hatching into butterflies, they hatch into fleshy creatures with a lot less color and no ability to fly, who, unlike the pupa that metamorphoses into a breath-taking monarch, jump from puberty to craggy-faced old woman faster than you can step on a caterpillar. On second thought, I think I hate women, too.
The HGs have bedded down for the night, preparing to face a long day of pb&j tomorrow. Not wanting to miss a second of grumpy Robert and hungry Jun, I'm going to call it a night as well. But before I do, let me just say here that after reviewing Justin's recent exit from the shower, he's no more a Skittle than Hardy is. He's totally M&M through and through, with a peanut center bigger than Dallas.
Hoppy trails,
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