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Bunny
| Monday, August 18, 2003 - 9:48 am 
It's Saturday and a beautiful day in the neighborhood - if you like peanut butter and jelly and don't mind that you can't leave your own backyard. The HGs are resigned to both this morning. Their diet is limited to Skippy and Smucker's and BB has locked them outside for awhile. It's killing Jee since he only had time to brush each tooth three times rather than five, a move that will throw him off kilter for the entire day.
Jun starts her morning with stretches before she moves on to jumping rope and lifting weights. I hate to see this because if Jun gets all buff, what will I have to talk about? I think she's already fitting back into the pants she brought to the house - always a bad sign for someone who has to rely on fat jokes just to have summary material.
The HGs spend their lockdown period talking about evicted HGs.
Jun: "Dana played the game too hard."
Robert: "David was voted out because he was a strong player."
Robert: "Nate always left things lying around. Cups, food, an apple core..."
Erika: "Michelle left her clothes everywhere."
Robert: "Amanda is getting exposure out there, even after being here for only one week."
Bunny: "Depends on what you mean by 'exposure.'"
The HGs are called in and told about America's Choice. One of them will hear from home later today. Most of them say they hope that Jack or Robert wins since both of them have children.
Jun: "Erika really, really wants you to win, Robert."
Robert: "I believe her. But I think being Cuban will go against me."
Bunny: "I don't think that's the half of it, sport."
Robert: "Jack will probably get it. If Nate were still here, he would win. THOSE people are the ones who watch this show."
Bunny: "If by 'THOSE people,' you mean those of us who think Nate is so hot he could melt butter, I would have to admit you are majorly correct."
Jee notices that Robert is feeling down. He asks Jun if she knows what's wrong. "He really wants to win America's Choice. He'll be devastated if he doesn't get it." Jun and Jee say they know they aren't going to win any votes, and Jun goes to the HOH room to hide for a good cry. Alison says she can hear Jun sobbing and believes it's because she's missing home. I think Alison's right, and I don't believe for a second that she's crying because BB put a deadbolt on the M&Ms.
Jack tells Robert that he, too, hopes Rob wins America's Choice since "you're the father of a young child."
Jack: "The most important thing you can do is raise a caring and loving person."
Robert: "I agree. There's nothing more important."
(I'll just let you all sit and digest that for a minute.)
Today Erika is wearing her comfortable, wash-and-wear, probably expensive swimsuit (today I'm going to focus on the positive aspects). She says, "I hope the viewing audience is enjoying this game as much as we are." Yes, we are - at least parts of it. Many male viewers are enjoying YOUR parts especially. Most of the parts Bunny enjoyed were rudely removed from the game, but I'm sure you heard about that.
Erika says, "You couldn't write better television than this." Well, Erika, actually I could, but nobody's hiring.
Robert tells Erika that he didn't realize she was such a strong player. "Nobody did. You are stronger than Jack. Everyone will be after you next week to get you out. You're getting Justin out this week, and that's how it should be. He's strong. I would have wanted him out the second week. But now it's going to be you, and Jun will have to wait another week."
Erika: "You already took out the strongest player. That was Dave."
Robert: "Yeah, we didn't want to, but we had to. That guy was off the hook! Chasing girls around in a clown wig like he's Harpo Marx or something. Crawling around on the floor, swinging upside down from a duffle bag - who can compete for viewer attention when that guy's around?"
Erika: "I hear ya on that. Why do you think I wear this stinkin' polka dot bikini every day? Even negative attention is better than no attention, know what I'm sayin'?
Robert: "We're on the same page, girlfriend. Every time I stick my finger in my nose, the camera zooms in and I know I'm a star. When I'm pickin', I'm grinnin."
Erika gets serious.
Erika: "I apologize for calling your job that time, but I was hurt."
Robert: "I can't believe you said that! Thank you so much. I couldn't believe you did it. You were always so giving to me...worried about me....you always paid attention to me. It wasn't the person I knew who did that. I know what a scumbag I've been and I do apologize for that and all the drinking....I was a mess."
Erika: "I never really wanted to take your job away from you. After I did it, I felt so bad."
Robert: "No, no, don't cry. I am very touched. It means a lot to me, Erika, it really does...you don't know. So what do you think? You want to get back together?"
They both laugh and shake hands, as a collective "ahhhhhh" resounds over the internet world. Except for Bunny, who doesn't buy it for a minute.
Rob runs in to tell Jee and Justin that Erika apologized for messing up his life. "She told them at my job that I slashed her tires and that I wasn't stable. But I cheated on her. I was really messed up. I'm glad we had that conversation. It meant a lot to me." So maybe Bunny was wrong. He seems sincerely ready to bury the hatchet. How about you two go get a bottle of gin and a stripper just for old time's sake? Just to show there's really no hard feelings.
Jun is having a great day. She says it's weird not to be in the kitchen, but she is getting to do things she never has time for since she is always cooking. Her mirror time has tripled as she spends Ali-minutes applying makeup, tweezing her eyebrows, and primping in general. She added a morning workout during the time she would normally be preparing breakfast. And right now she's shooting baskets on the ball court. She's a regular Shaq. Or maybe Back, as in Baby Got.
Justin believes he will be evicted on Wednesday and wants to leave a game plan with Robert. "You or Jee get HOH. Nominate Jack and Erika and evict Jack, then align with Erika to get rid of Jun and Ali." Out in the hot tub, Ali asks Jun if she wants to form an alliance, and Jun agrees. Jack and Erika plan to go after Robert next and keep Alison to the end. Jee still has a secret alliance with Jun. It seems everyone has somebody to love, including the turtles, who have been in an unwavering alliance since the very beginning - but only recently formed one with their own poop, which they now ingest every day during cocktail hour.
It's time for the HGs to go inside to see who has been voted to receive America's Choice. Predictably, the winner is Robert, and he is allowed to read a letter from his daughter. The daughter who will one day grow into a woman. (I just wanted to point that out.)
Robert is weeping with joy over receiving the letter. Bunny is teary-eyed herself - not because she is happy for Robert - she is, but that's beside the point. She is crying because not one single HG had the decency to tell Robert to comb his hair before he was filmed for television in the most emotional moment of the game since Jee's tribute to his father. When this poignant piece airs, we will be staring at the top of his head and wondering if his daughter unluckily inherited the same bad fly-away "what-the-hell-kind-of-hair-is-that" look of a Muppet Show alumnus. It's a shame that we'll be distracted, but somebody in that house should have told him.
Ali walks by and Robert says, "She looks like she's gained 15 or 20 pounds since she came in the house." (I have faith she'll do whatever it takes to get it off. Remember, her name spelled backwards is NIWRI.)
Jack: "I have lost weight in here. I'm sagging and drooping." (The Saggy Baggy Yuppie)
Jun: "I'm a stress eater. Dana stressed me out and I've gained three or four pounds." (Jee? Bring your calculator. I believe we have an auditing error.)
It's now midnight so the HGs are allowed to eat. Jun makes a beeline to the kitchen to make chicken nachos with all the others trailing behind her with their tongues hanging out. Most of them can't wait for the meal to be ready and want a quick snack to carry them over. Justin's snack begins with a big bowl of cookie dough ice cream, followed by a plate of chips, and topped off with a roast beef sandwich and a big glass of milk. The feasting is stopped cold when Robert picks this very moment to share a story about pooping in his pants in the third grade. I suppose the turtles find his story appetizing, but the HGs don't.
You gotta hand it to Robert. He has entertained us royally today, first by sharing his feelings with Erika, then crying over his letter, and now letting us in on one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. Well, the first one at least. I have a feeling he's smack-dab in the middle of the second, and if he thinks the first one made him feel crappy, well....
Hoppy trails,
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