| Author |
Message |
Bunny
| Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 8:34 am 
On Tuesday, Jack and Jun are up early as usual. Jack confides that he and Erika eavesdropped on the Stooges last night. "We moved our lips and pretended we were talking while we made sandwiches. That way we could listen and they wouldn't be suspicious." This gives Bunny an idea. Why doesn't CBS come out with BB HG puppets? You could get a set free with your DVD purchase and then act out the episodes in the privacy of your own home. Or make up your own episodes, like one where Nate isn't evicted. Or if he is, the Bunny puppet would be there to tackle him at the door.
If you're not patient enough to wait on a manufactured product, just make your own like I did. I had plenty of pink construction paper on hand for the Erika puppet and some toothpicks to glue on the bottom of Jack's to form his legs. Pinking shears did the trick for Robert's hair with the added assistance of a paper shredder. I cut up a hairnet to make Jun's cover-up stretched over a U.S. flag postage stamp on her crotch. (Relative sizing was important.) I didn't do much with Alison's puppet except to lay it on the bed in the middle of all the guy puppets.
For Nate's, it was easy. I just coated it in Estee Lauder's Bronze (Brawns) Tanning Spray and then added one of my gold necklaces, a few Cheerios for the curly hair, and the "I (heart) Bunny" tattoo he's no doubt gotten since his eviction. All you need now is a touch of eyeliner and you're all set. Oh, be sure the sack you use is clean-shaven.
The Jee puppet is done in "Early Jee" with the bad military haircut. The only modern touch I added is a string that, when pulled, makes Jee shout various phrases from the tropical Food Challenge, like "Justin, stop dwinking!" (one of my favorite rewind moments) and "I bet we have to climb a palm tree to get an onion" and "I f'ing respect you, Jack," which isn't exactly from the Food Challenge but is certainly a popular Jee catch-phrase.
I figure after Justin's eviction, he and Dana will waste no time going after each other, so I just threw their puppets in the closet and I'll go pick them up in a few days. Michelle's is the prettiest puppet, of course, followed by Amanda's (yeah, she's gorgeous, but she's no Beyonce) and Dave's doesn't look like Dave at all but more like Lancelot Link. Scott's puppet, unfortunately, is being kept away from the other puppets because for some reason they think he's contagious. It's not me, it's them.
Anyway, back to Jack giving out secrets to Jun. He's been out of the Bureau so long that he forgot the correct way to pass classified information is to write it on a piece of paper - the recipient reads it, then tears it to shreds and eats it. Unfairly, he's deprived Jun of a hickory-flavored snack.
BB yells at Justin to get out of bed. Bunny seconds it. "I can't eat, I can't vote, I'm not good entertainment right now. Why do I have to get up?" Because Bunny's easy to please, that's why.
Alison's inability to eat octopus during the Food Challenge has relegated the HGs to pb&j today, and no one is happy about it. Ali says she isn't going to eat anything but bread all day. Jun tells Jee to try some mayo with his peanut butter instead of jelly. Jee: "I tried that, but it's not good for you." As opposed to three frankfurters, a corn dog, and a tuna sandwich in an hour, that is.
While I'm on the subject of Jee, is anyone else curious how he managed to learn every curse word in the English vocabulary and a few in French, but he doesn't know the word for "coconut?" He's been in America since Third Grade, so I guess it's possible that exotic foods were studied in Second. But somewhere along the line, he managed to pick up "a--wipe," so I can't really figure it out.
Alison tells Robert she is confused about the order his alliance wants for eviction.
Rob: "Jack first, then Jun, then Erika. We want you to win the next HOH."
Ali: "I'm so glad that it's not Jun first. Did you know Jack and Erika heard you guys talking last night? Jun told me."
(See, Jack? You should have made her eat the paper.)
BB gives the HGs red hair dye to play around with. Bunny hopes it is Britney Petros red or Yosemite Sam red and not plain old Julia Roberts red, although she would have preferred Chicken George green.
Alison agrees to let Jun dye her hair. Too bad she didn't do it when Michelle was in the house so we would have had an easier time telling them apart. It comes out a strawberry blonde, and all the HGs tell her it looks great. They invite her to join them in the pool, but she is afraid the chlorine will turn her hair green (see above). Erika heads out in her usual attire, topped off with some big sunglasses. Some of the HGs really like them, but they're a little too Atom Ant for me.
Jun tells Jee later that she won't try to win HOH. "Is Jack still the target?" Jee confirms it, and Bunny screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Who's with me on this? Wouldn't you like to see the Good Guy in the White Hair win this thing? Okay, maybe part of me really doesn't, because I envision a final week of tedious "Who Shot JFK?" theories followed by play-by-plays of Jack's favorite "X-Files" episodes, told to the woman whose monotone fashion also puts me to sleep. I don't think I could bear it, and I know the summaries couldn't survive. But in case that happens, let me just get it out there now so I can take the week off.
Bunny's Live Feed Summary for Day One of the Final Week:
Jack: "Did you feed the turtles?"
Erika: "No, did you?"
Bunny's Live Feed Summary for Day Two of the Final Week:
Jack: "I think I know who shot JFK."
Erika: "Cool. What's your favorite "X-Files" episode?"
Bunny's Live Feed Summary for Day Three of the Final Week:
Jack: "Your wardrobe says 'Molly Ringwold' to me."
Erika: "Dang! I was going for J. Lo."
I'll save the last days for later since I don't want to spoil the suspense.
BB sets up a Bocci-Ball game in the backyard for the HGs to use for HOH practice. Justin isn't interested in giving it much of a go since he believes he will soon be evicted. His mind seems to be somewhere else, possibly on the fact that Dana and Nate have been sequestered together for a week. Bunny would like to propose that BB allow her to do a whole separate summary on the other house, because right now she is thinking it has a better story to tell. To heck with who's winning the game show. My readers would rather have the scoop on Beauty and the Bridge-Troll.
Justin and Jee confer on strategy.
Jee: "Dude, you don't know how bad I want this game to be over with. I'm fortunate I'm still here but I just want it to be over. I envy you in some ways."
Justin: "Dude, you can't let your guard down. This is the week they realize you are a threat. You've come close on almost all the HOH comps."
Jee: "Yeah, I know. I could easily be joining you after next week."
Justin: "I think Ali will throw the HOH."
Jee: "I think Jun is going to throw it, too."
Justin: "She may feel threatened, though, for jumping sides."
Jee: "How many times do you think we will get to throw the ball?"
Justin: "Probably just once."
Jee: "This is not good for Jee. Five is the lucky number. Maybe before I throw, I can wind up five times, or spin around five times, or something like that."
Justin: "Yeah, you better."
Jee: "Will you swat my rear for good luck? Like the football players do?"
Justin: "Gladly. We're a team."
Jee: "But you gotta do it five times."
Justin: "Sure, sure. No problem."
Jee: "And make it hurt."
Justin: "Okay, where are you going with this, dude?"
BB takes pity on the bored HGs and gives them some body paint. Alison is the first to start painting on herself. She draws a paw print, but Bunny doesn't recognize it as one from the rabbit family. Too bad, because that would have gotten her a reprieve from bed-roaming jokes. The other girls are covering themselves in a geometric pattern, Jun's a sort of criss-cross mesh-type and Erika's a bit more dotted.
Justin, ever mindful of his nomination, goes the simple route, slapping the message "Don't Let Me Die!" across his chest. Jee opts for a small tattoo-like Asian insignia that means, "Get it straight: I am Korean, Curtis was Chinese" and Robert angrily paints a woman's face on his skin with a large "x" through it. Jack lightly brushes secret F.B.I. code words all over his body; luckily, I was able to translate. One said, "Take it off, Erika. Take it all off!" and the other was something about not getting paid enough to wear fruit on your head or skinny dip in a vat of soap suds in front of the guys at the Bureau.
At midnight, the pb&j regimen is over and the HGs decide to grill burgers. Robert can't wait and jumps from the hot tub, yanks down his shorts, and runs for a towel. As he does, Bunny gets a glimpse of his Wee Willie Winkie, sealing BB4 as the season with the most peeks at pecker and poontang. Not that I'm watching for that or anything.
Hoppy trails,
|
|
|
|
