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Bunny
| Friday, August 22, 2003 - 11:27 am 
I can't begin Thursday's summary without commenting on the Live Show last night, particularly on the subject of HG apparel. I must say that all the men looked delicious, although I'm a tad concerned that Jack's look might be a step too close to Johnny Cash. Erika must be cautioned that even thin women should avoid purple horizontal stripes - and, most of the time, purple in general. Word to Alison: Leave the flip-flops at the beach, Gidget. And Jun? Well, all I can say is, some people should Just Say No to mini-skirts.
As soon as BB awakens the HGs Thursday morning, they are ordered to clear their things out of the Desert Room. Erika and Jack go in to say goodbye to the tortoises. It's heart-wrenching to see Erika bid them farewell.
Erika: "Goodbye, teenage mutants. I will miss you."
Turtles: "Please don't go. We promise to cool it with the poop snacks."
Erika: "This is not my doing, guys. If it were up to me, I'd take you home."
Turtles: "And there we'd be safe. 'Cause no way would you try to turn our shells into a cuff bracelet. That would be way too fashionable, and very un-J.Lo."
While Ali is in the house, Jun tells the others outside that she believes Alison is still in love with Justin. "She told us he was a monster the first night, and was crying and everything - made me scared of him. Now she says he's the greatest thing in the world."
Bunny reminds Jun that Alison also hired someone to beat up Justin after they broke up. That's a clear indication that she still feels something for the guy. Nothing says love like a broken nose, especially if it's ordered by someone who's had a couple herself. Could be she just wanted to show him they had something in common besides sex.
Jee and Jun are talking about their relationship in the house.
Jee: "The first few weeks, you weren't the sweetest girl to me."
Jun: "I know I was a b--ch in the beginning. I hated you. But now I like you."
Jee: "Why? Because I'm nice? Or because you just got used to me?"
Jun: "It's because everyone else likes you."
Sometimes I really like Jee, too. There are times that I think he's the cutest thing and I just want to squeeze him. Like today when he's talking in the hammock to Robert:
"I think I'm going to do some lunges. Justin told me that if I do lunges, I'll get a nice plump ass. It's okay for men to have a round ass, too, not just women. If I get one, the girls will be liking that."
That's right, Jee, in the vein of Seinfeld, your tush has now been declared "lunge-worthy." Build it, and the women will come.
Jee and Jack are alone in the backyard while the other HGs are napping. Jack begins to talk about the JFK assassination.....again. "I wrote a book about it, but it was never published." Bunny feels badly about this and wants to offer Jack a spot in her summaries to share his wisdom of that fateful day. But he'll need to spice the story up a bit. Bring Marilyn Monroe into it somehow, and maybe Ashton Kutcher.
Alison asks what the rules are about intruders. "What are we supposed to do if someone tries to come through the front door?" Robert tells her they are to go to the back. This worries Bunny somewhat. I think BB should provide them with side arms. You never know what might happen and these HGs need to be prepared. That way if those guys from "Survivor" come busting in again, the HGs will be able to return fire. I can totally understand Alison's angst.
Robert talks to Jee about getting backing for a new restaurant. "The people who put up the money will want to promote me as a member of the Dream Team. You and Justin will have to join me for the Grand Opening." Bunny reminds Robert that many people think of Olympic basketball when they think of dream teams, and it might be confusing to the people who show up thinking they're going to see Michael Jordan.
Jee asks Robert what he thinks about proposing a deal to Jack. "If we keep him in the game this week, and he gets HOH next week, he would have to nominate Ali and Jun."
Robert: "I don't trust Jack, and I don't see why he would agree to the deal. He doesn't want to go to the Finals with you and me."
Jee: "You need to start whispering. Jack can't win competitions, but he's good at listening and observing." (And then squealing to everyone to let them know he's listening and observing.)
Robert: "I think Ali is tight with us. If she gets HOH, she will nominate Jack and Jun."
Jee: "I'll put up Jack and Erika, and either way, a major player goes home." (And either way, the turtles lose a parent.)
Here is today's Props for Rob Moment, and it's very touching, so hold on. Jee and Robert are in the hammock when Jee makes a statement that he is almost out of cigarettes. Robert gives him a pep talk about how he CAN overcome his nicotine addiction and then goes through all the suggestions he can think of to help Jee quit smoking. He uses his own experience with alcoholism to give Jee pointers, and I gotta tell ya, folks, there was stuff coming out of Robert's mouth that had more sentiment than a Hallmark card. I teared up and there wasn't a butterfly in sight.
By the way, I finally figured out the significance of the butterflies. The reason he cries when he sees a white one is because it reminds him of his daughter. See what I mean? Pure Hallmark. Heck, he's not just Hallmark, he's Hallmark at Christmas. Hallmark at Christmas with angels singing above his bed.
BB has promised a twist in the game and it's now time for the unveiling. Each HG is called into the Diary Room and offered a chance at the Veto Power in return for a week or more of pb&j for his/her fellow housemates. Anyone who accepts will be in the running to win the power, and the victor will not have to eat pb&j. The offer starts at a deal that would enforce the regimen for the remainder of the game, then dwindles down week by week until the final offer involves accepting one week only. No one bites on the bribe until then, when Jee folds like a wet napkin.
Erika: "Why the f--- did anyone accept it?"
Jack: "We've all got to start eating now. Eat as fast as you can."
Erika: "Jee is a dumb f---. I'm sorry they put him in this house. It wasn't even money. It put other HGs on pb&j."
Jack: "What was he thinking?"
Jun: "Does he think that's what Justin would have wanted?"
Erika: "Take out Jee next. He's an idiot."
Jun: "He's sure not making any friends this way."
Erika: "I'd rather f'ing die than be on pb&j."
Jee apologizes to everyone and says, "It was a game decision. I thought others would take the deal."
Jun: "Everyone is just wondering why you thought you needed to. You already have the power to put up who you want to for nomination. You're the HOH!"
Jee: "I didn't want anyone messing with my choices. Even though they told me I could eat, I'm not going to. I will suffer along with the rest of you."
(At this point, Jee, I don't think that's going to be enough. Think hari-kari.)
Jun and Jee have a fight in the bedroom about Jee's acceptance of the deal.
Jee: "I thought others would take it. Jack and Erika might try to save themselves."
Jun: "You know that Erika is a humanitarian and would not do that to us, and Jack wouldn't want to tick people off. Neither of them would ever take it."
Jee: "I didn't think it through, but you didn't need to call me on it in front of everyone."
Jun: "I thought they should hear it from you why you did it. They needed to understand it was for the game. I didn't do it to hurt you."
Jee: "I didn't take the deal to hurt anyone. That was not my intention. I've been on pb&j and I know how bad it is. But I wanted to protect my nominations."
(And that you have, dear Jee. Unfortunately, next week you'll probably be dragged in front of the firing squad and you'll be forced to eat pb&j for your last meal.)
Jee: "I know these nominations will make me or break me."
Jun: "You should really try to eliminate Alison over Erika and Jack. She's your biggest competitor."
Jee: "I'm most afraid of Erika."
(You think you're afraid now. Just wait until you've had a week of pb&j and she comes prancing by in those dots. The hallucinations will have you reeling, and you'll be screaming for Mommy.)
Ali comes into the HOH room to make a deal with Jee.
Ali: "If I'm the next HOH, I promise I won't put you up."
Jee says he will probably nominate Jack and Erika and expects Erika to go home. Alison is just wondering if she needs to get in bed with Jee to seal the agreement.
Ali finds Robert outside to tell him she thinks Jun should go next. "I f'ing hate that girl!" She and Robert agree that Jun is the one they are most afraid will slide by all the way to the Finals.
Robert: "So, Ali, tell me about your house. How many bedrooms does it have? What type of street do you live on? Do you still have your own room or did your parents turn it into something else when you left for college?"
(So now, not only do we have Robert the Faithful Friend and Robert the Doting Daddy, we also have Robert the Interested Listener. Not just Robert the Pretending to Be Interested Listener. Either this is game strategy, or someone put something in Robert's milk.)
It's time for nominations so all gather around to hear which way Jee is going to go. He sticks with putting up Jack and Erika.
Jee: "Robert, don't tell Jun how you're voting. Let her vote however she wants."
Robert: "Ali and I are voting to evict Erika, so it doesn't matter."
Erika goes to the hot tub with Ali. She assumes that Ali and Jun will vote against Jack.
Ali: "Anyone with any common sense would know how close I am to you."
Erika: "Jee wants to get back at me for Justin getting booted."
Ali: "I think Jee should leave before Robert. He was so meek and mild in the beginning...now look at the f--ker. He's tearing through the house!"
Yes, King Jee has been restored to his rightful place on the throne. Even Bunny is beginning to believe that he's royalty. All hail King Jee! Make that King Jee with a Bad Ass, because you know how we girls like a butt that juts, mounds that are round, a booty that's all protrude-y.
Erika and Alison talk about Julie Chen and how "slammin'" she looks. Bunny, too, would like to say that Miss Chen never looked better than she did Wednesday night. The dress was scrumptious, the hair perfect - she was the cat's meow, "purty with a capital purrrrrrr," as they say.
Ali tells Robert she knows she's known as "America's B--ch". That's entirely possible, Ali, and it could be a problem when you get out. Also a problem might be the Red Rover, Red Rover, Anyone Can Come Over game you've been playing in the bedroom, not to mention that you might have your work cut out for you in the gym. And the whole "I'm still carrying a torch for Justin" thing might not sit well with Donny. But other than that, it's back to life as usual.
Alison and Jun spend some Hammock Time trying to decide whether or not they want to save Erika or Jack.
Ali: "I trust Erika more."
Jun: "I'm closer to Jack."
Bunny: "I hate dots and I love receding hairlines."
Just kidding. Bunny doesn't want to try and sway the vote. I like Erika just fine and wouldn't want my admiration for Jack to get in the way of fairness. Besides, he's down to skin and bones - and after this week on pb&j, he won't even need a costume for Halloween. I suppose it would be doing him a favor to evict him and save him from malnutrition.
Ali: "I bet we get another America's Choice this week. What do you think it will be?"
Jun: "Maybe a phone call from home. Or a video from someone."
Ali: "It could be a visitor for a day. I'll take anything."
I'm glad to hear that, Ali, because you just hit the nail on the head. You're going to get a visit from the Bunster. My main objective will be to prepare Robert ahead of time for the fact that no one's hiring Dream Teamers these days. They're not even hiring Stooges or Amigos. Maybe with a little hair gel, he can get a gig in Carmen Electra's PR department, but that's about it.
While I'm there, I'll also let you know where you stand with Donny - and Nate and Dave and Justin and all the guys in the Green Bay Packers. I'm bringing in scales so Jun can document her weight loss progress or lack thereof. Jee will get a videotape of the clip where he yells at Justin to "Stop dwinking!" because that is by far the funniest thing I've ever seen on BB if you don't count Robert shaking his salsa booty, Josh dancing with a broom in his underwear, or Bunky trying to jump rope. (I don't count Jamie picking the agent over her mother because that was just sad.)
Jack's getting a few more shirts with sleeves because Bunny never meant it when she said old men in muscle shirts turn her on and she'll also be bringing in 100 or so books about JFK so he'll see that we really and truly don't need another one. And I know you and your fellow HGs don't have a clue about what I'm going to surprise Erika with, but my readers do and they can't wait.
It's time for the meeting to announce the Veto winner. Jee confirms that he accepted the bribe and, consequently, won the Power of Veto. The guys then head for the hot tub while Ali and Jun strategize in the living room.
Jun: "I really like Jack, but I will probably vote against him. He is more likely to team up with the guys against us."
Ali: "Erika would have no problem putting up Robert and Jee."
Jun: "Would we be able to evict Erika after we get those guys out?"
Ali: "We need to get Rob and Jee to change their minds about Erika and vote out Jack instead."
Jun: "Maybe we could tell them a lie about Jack to turn them against him."
I don't know what that could be, girls. Don't bother with that old safety net: "He dresses in women's clothing." They already suspect that with his F.B.I. connection. And, obviously, you can't get him with "He's so smart he'll blow you away in competitions." So I suppose your best bet is to tell them he wrote hate letters to the cast of "Baywatch" and that he said the only women Jee has lined up are....well, not women.
In the hot tub, Robert and Jee tell Jack that they don't think Jun could win in the Finals.
Jack: "I would vote for Jun to win if she made some gutsy moves involving strategy."
(Funny you should mention that, Jack.)
Jack thinks he and Erika should talk to Jee separately and ask him to use the Veto to get out one of the floaters, Jun or Ali. Erika says she's not sure it would work. "Let's not talk about the game," she says. Bunny is hoping that Jack will use his intuitive FBI powers to discern that the reason Erika doesn't want to talk is because the girls have promised to keep her in the game, which, of course, means that his exit is nigh. One wonders how an FBI agent keeps his cool when he smells a rat, and here's our chance to watch and learn.
But instead of probing the Pink Princess, he agrees to sit down for a game of gin rummy, leading us all to believe that during his government career, Jack probably had nothing to do with espionage or spying or deciphering clues while wearing a cool brown trench coat. Sure, he might have had a wiretapping assignment once, but then he spilled his guts about what he heard on the line, proving that eavesdropping was no more his forte on the job than it is in this house. So with reluctance, I must admit that Jack, with all his training and all his undercover work and all his mystery-solving opportunities, will be yet another man who couldn't figure out a woman if the instructions were written on her forehead. Or even in Morse Code on her bikini. Connect the dots, man!
Hoppy trails,
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