| Author |
Message |
Bunny
| Tuesday, August 26, 2003 - 9:14 am 
Jun and Jack are the first ones up on Monday, besides the camera men, who are zooming in on spaces where objects used to be. Amanda's picture is missing from the shelf, as well as the big silver "X." The sunburst clock is gone from the kitchen, the rubber ducky is missing from the bathroom - and all go unnoticed by Secret Agent Man Jack. Hey, Jack, remember that old nursery rhyme? This is the cat that ate the rat that stole the duck that took the photo that hung on the wall that held up the house that Jack built - or at least the house that Jack lived in for....well, how many days will it be on Wednesday?
Jack makes a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich (Yummy! Can't wait for the BB cookbook!) and while he's eating, he realizes that Amanda's picture is gone. "I wonder what happened to it? That's so bizarre." No, actually, Jack, what's bizarre is that she let some guy in a clown suit talk her into leaping into a bed with him that had a camera aimed right at it. That may have sidelined Rob Lowe's career for only a year or two, but I think it's fair to say that we won't be seeing Amanda on "West Wing" any time soon. And then what's even more bizarre is that right before that, her ex-boyfriend started tossing chairs like they were frisbees while he's yelling something about frogs or warts or something. But even that's not nearly as bizarre as eating peanut butter and mayonnaise together on the same slice of bread. My friend, that spells Billy Bizarro if anything ever did.
Jun tells Jack that she isn't worried about people at work seeing her on TV. "I'm pretty much the same way here as I am there. It's not like they'll say, 'Where did that side of Jun come from?'" Oh, dear. I am really tired of bringing this up, Jun, because you're working so hard on the weights now and all - but it's not your side they're going to talk about. I'm afraid it's more a question of your front or your back. Take it from me, though - you really do look nice in your clothes (mini-skirts and fringe vests excluded, of course - oh, and fishnet, which I understand is no longer an issue). It's just those teeny bikinis that you seem to have a problem with. You know how when you're cooking and you put a lid on a pan that's too small for it, and then the stuff starts boiling on the stove and it begins to ooze out all around the rim and then spills out over the sides of the pan? And no matter what you do, you can't get it back in the pan because it will just come right back out again? Well, it's kind of like that. And what's really frustrating is that you won't listen when the people who really just want what's best for you (by people, I mean me) keep telling you to get a bigger lid and cover up that damn pot once and for freakin' all.
Robert and Alison get up when BB announces a wake-up call. Ali "high fives" Rob as if to say, "We're both voting to evict Erika tomorrow" when instead it really means, "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack's going home with a booty kick." (Okay, I promise - no more preschool "Jack" references.)
Ali and Jun are talking about Erika.
Jun: "She's gotten so skinny, but I don't want to say anything to her about it."
Ali: "It's gross."
Jun: "Rob mentioned it to her but she got all defensive."
Okay, so THAT'S why she was wearing the horizontal stripes the other night. My apologies for focusing on the eye-popping aspect of the frock rather than the medical significance. I'm sure she was trying to use fashion tricks to fatten herself up so she could fit in with the other girls. Like when Tina Turner was married to Ike and they had those three Ikettes singing in the background. Two of them had dark hair but the other was a redhead, who felt totally alienated. So I understand where Erika's coming from now. No one wants to be the skinny girl in the Chubbettes.
Ali: "Jack grosses me out. I don't like being in the hot tub alone with him."
Jun: "I'm not telling Jee and Robert that we're voting Jack out. I want to surprise them."
Ali: "Robert is going to HATE us for doing it."
That's nothing. The whole WORLD is running a hate fest on you two right now for getting rid of the Every Man. And I'm still not quite sure who killed JFK, so I'd appreciate it if you would let him stick around long enough to answer a few more questions I might have. Besides that, he hasn't had a chance to be HOH, and I wanted to see what came in his 'Bama basket. After a week of pb&j, he could really use some grits and taters about now. And is there a single one of you who's not wondering which version of "Sweet Home Alabama" will make the goody bag? I'm going with Lynyrd Skynyrd's rather than Ruben's, but only because "American Idol" wasn't on CBS.
BB sends the HGs to the backyard for a lockdown. When they return, one of the two stools in the bathroom is missing. Nobody notices. I would ask Jack to use his intuitive crime-solving skills to try and figure out what's going on, but I know his mind is on the impending eviction. I only mention that because it will help him save face later when his friends and family point out that any lame-brained trained-through-a-correspondence-course private investigator would have had a clue.
Jee's lunch from McDonald's is delivered, and he chooses Robert to share it with. He gets to eat McDonald's every day with a friend, courtesy of his Luxury Challenge win. He's also been gobbling up a good bit of food from the fridge and storage room in the privacy of his HOH room. I'm reminded of BB3's Amy taking the cheese to bed where no one was around to watch her eat it. The only difference is, Amy's fellow HGs didn't care. Jee's comrades, on the other hand, were promised by his bad King self that he would suffer right along with them, eating pb&j every day. Now he's turned from King Arthur ("Right over might!" as in "Choose the right thing to do as a man of honor over the mighty tasty nuggets and fries!") into Marie Antoinette ("Let them eat peanut butter!"). Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't she get her head lopped off on the chopping block right after that?
Jack apologizes to Erika again for losing HOH. "It won't be fair if you're evicted. I'm the one who never wins anything." Erika says she won't mind leaving. What she doesn't say is that she won't be.
Erika: "Nathan would make a great politician. He'd be good on a soap opera, too. I can see him on 'The Young and Restless.'"
Bunny can, too, followed by its sequel: "The Young and Restless Until You've Spent a Night with Bunny After Which You'll Have Aged Two Years and Be So Worn Out You Couldn't Wiggle Your Big Toe." Ask Hardy - he had a long run on the show.
Oh, by the way, Jee didn't choose to hide his McDonald's in the HOH room away from the others. Nope, he woofed it down right there at the table in front of Erika, whom Jee had the nerve to tell, "I've eaten so much that I'm miserable." Eating in front of Erika, as waif-like as she is these days, and then bragging about how full you are, is worse than eating a box of Twinkies in front of an Ethiopian. An Ethiopian has never had a Twinkie and doesn't know what he's missing, but Erika's been eating McEverything since she was a child and full well knows what it tastes like to bite into two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. King Jee may be facing a serious kingdom overthrow next week and certain exile to the House of Sequestration.
Jee and Robert go to the bathroom where Jee can sit in misery to nurse his stuffed belly. After a moment, they notice that one of the stools is missing, as well as the silver "X" from the counter. Jee tells Robert not to say anything to any of the other HGs in case it's part of a challenge, which is exactly what you say right before you spill your beans to Alison, the one with the photographic memory - who then goes directly to Jun and Erika. The only one not let in on the secret is the one who investigates secrets for a living, and he hasn't noticed a thing.
Alison tries to sway Robert and Jee to change their minds about evicting Erika. She tells them that no one can win against Jack in the finals and that Erika is so weak from poor diet that she can't win any competitions. I say she's wrong. If the next HOH challenge is a trivia quiz and the questions are designed a certain way, Erika could be a shoe-in. It could go down like this:
Q: Which HG deserves to die a fiery death and take the first train to Hell after stuffing his face all week in front of the rest of you?
A: The answer is Jee. Everyone got it correct.
Q: Which of you doesn't have a clue that something's amiss in the house?
A: Jack is the correct answer. Everyone got it right except, of course, Jack, who not only got it wrong, but still has no clue that items are missing all over the place. Oh, yeah, he noticed that Amanda's picture was gone, but he thinks it's because she's suing CBS for not being able to get Dave's vomit out of her clothes.
Q: What is the No. 1 Mexican food accompaniment?
A: That would have to be Salsa. Robert and Erika, you are still in the game. Everyone else sit down.
Q: Now, this question could decide the next HOH. What color is the inside of Bunny's ears?
Robert couldn't beat Erika to the buzzer on that one in a million years, so Erika would be crowned the new HOH regardless of her lack of stamina.
Carrying the secret of the missing items, which isn't really a secret anymore, is almost more than Rob can handle. He's all a-flutter, and I don't mean in a white butterfly sort of way. His nervous nose-picking and ear-swishing and chin-tapping have been taken to an all-time high. It's too much pressure, and the fingers are working overtime to keep up.
While the others are outside playing cards and working out, Robert and Jee are in the kitchen, where Jee takes ham out of the fridge to fix a couple of sandwiches. "I don't want to eat this in front of the others," he says, obviously ignoring the fact that Rob is an "other." I guess since Rob was able to have fries earlier in the day, it's okay to assume that he's perfectly content with Jif Chunky while Jee chows down on Honeybaked. Jee adds some chips and a soda to his snack while Robert salivates like Pavlov's dog. But just as Jee starts to take his first bite, BB calls for a lockdown and orders that everyone stay outside. Jee is upset that he has to leave his two sandwiches behind, and Bunny realizes that this is what he meant when he said he was going to suffer along with everyone else.
After the lockdown is over, Jee makes a Jee-line to his plate and Rob looks for more missing items.
Rob: "If I get HOH next week, I want Ali's a-- booted out. It will be easier for us to go up against Jack and Jun. Are you listening to me, Jee?"
Jee: "Do you think they will notice all the ham and roast beef missing from the fridge? That might tip them off that other things are missing, too."
Alison walks through the room a bit later, modeling clothes, trying to figure out what she's going to wear on Wednesday's live show. She says, "These pants are too tight."
Jee: "That's because you have a big booty. You know you have a big booty, right?"
Alison doesn't reply, but Bunny does.
Bunny: "Jee, you are dumber than the hambone left from your afternoon picnic. I expect to see your head come rolling by as soon as Alison gets the meat carving knife out of your hands."
The HGs tuck in early to get ready for their early wake-up call tomorrow. Robert and Jee, still unmindful that the girls have formed a bond to stay together until the end, say that it's possible Ali could turn on them and vote to keep Erika, but they think she'll be true to the alliance. All this in spite of Jee making the food deal, Jee aligning with Jack to go against the girls later, and Jee making the comment that Ali has an oversized backside. Yep, it makes total sense that she would stay on their team. I know I would.
The two guys go over the list of missing items to have it fresh in their heads for any competition that might come their way: Amanda's picture, the silver "X", the rubber ducky. Also a yellow chair, a bar stool, a bathroom stool, the clock. Bunny notices that nowhere on their list is the word "brains," but that's probably because theirs have been M.I.A. since July and the item no longer qualifies for inclusion in the BB challenge. Pity, because I think even Jack noticed that one.
Hoppy trails,
|
|
|
|
