| Author |
Message |
Bunny
| Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 9:34 am 
Jack begins Tuesday morning trying to comfort Erika for what he sees as her inevitable eviction. According to Jack: "I hate to use logic, but it sounds like you're going to be the one who goes. I really regret that." Unfortunately, Jack, I think your only regret will be more along the lines of not taking a refresher course in Observation Skills, or not perceiving that the girls had wiretapped the hot tub. But look at the good side. Right before you leave, you get to sleep with Ali.
Jee is in no hurry to get dressed for the day. He wants to savor his last full day in the golden HOH robe, the equivalent to Cinderella's glass slipper, James Brown's blue velvet cape, and Jesus' crown of thorns. Make that Jee-sus, since during this stage of the game, Jee believes he's omnipotent. Not to be confused with impotent, which will never be a problem as long as Robert remains close by.
Robert and Jee check in with Ali to make sure she is still voting to keep Jack. She agrees that she is. After she walks away, Jee says he hopes she's telling the truth and hasn't joined forces with Jun to evict Jack.
Robert: "Why would Ali go with JUN? Instead of US? Anyone would go with US, two f'ing strong guys! Not that piece of s--t, Jun!"
(Is tomorrow going to be fun or what?)
Jee's McDonald's lunch arrives and he invites Jun to be his guest. Jun savors her food, eating slowly to prolong her enjoyment. Jee, on the other hand, shovels his burger into his face like he hasn't eaten in ages. One wonders which would make the better commercial.
The HGs are in lockdown outside when Ali begins screaming, "My cantaloupe bush is growing! OMG! Look how big it grew!" It turns out she's talking about the sprouts that have emerged from the cantaloupe seeds she planted and not what first came to Bunny's mind. We can all say a prayer of thanks for that, since we've seen quite enough hints of the other, thank you.
Jee: "Jun, do you think this show will be on TV in Korea?"
Jun: "I don't know; maybe in the papers, though."
Jee: "They would have to translate the show for the people."
No problem, Jee. I'm happy to help. I suppose they'll only be interested in you and Jun, so I'll concentrate on your contributions to the show.
Dear People of Korea,
He's King of Everything and has women lined up. She has a fondness for all things tasty.
Yours truly,
Bunny
ps How do all of you feel about fishnet? I'm doing some research.
Today, Jun is once again in pink. Jee is eating circles around Jun. Alison is starting to make more sense than Jack, and Jack is taking on the qualities of a ditzy blonde. Robert's beginning to think for himself the way Justin did. All this interchanging of personalities reeks havoc on the summaries, making it difficult for people to follow the storyline. The only HG staying true to character is Erika, who remains steadfastly committed to her bathing suit.
The HGs minus Jack take notice that more items are missing from the house, including the fish from the living room's plasma screen.
Jee: "Where are all the little fishies?"
That's not a typo, folks. Jee actually said "fishies."
Boop boop ditty ditty wadda shoo.
While other things are being removed, the clock and a shell dish have been returned to the house. This gives Bunny hope that other missing items will reappear as well, like Nathan. Or Justin. Or Nathan and Justin together, in Gladiator outfits.
I mentioned Robert's recent brain development earlier. Case in point:
Robert: "I think the girls could be forming an alliance against us. It would be smart of them to do that. If they have, then it's important that I win HOH. Or the Veto."
Jee: "I have no control over tomorrow's events. It will be fate; it will be destiny."
"Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental" - Meg Ryan, "Sleepless In Seattle"
"Destiny is something Jee's invented because he can't stand the fact that he's going down." - Bunny, "Only Sleepless on Eviction Nights."
Jee: "You can win HOH tomorrow, Rob. I will say this, if Alison screws us and keeps Erika here, I'll never speak to her again."
Apparently Jee hasn't noticed that Alison hasn't spoken to HIM since he told her she had a big booty.
Jee: "If the girls are out to eliminate us, I'm not going out without a fight. But I'm tired, just plain exhausted. This game takes it out of you."
I would blame that more on being King two times than anything else, Jee. It's energy-consuming to bark orders, hold court, spend every night feasting royally while the peasants hungrily look on. It hasn't been easy being Jee, and in order that you might be able to adjust gradually to the transition from Royalty to the rank of Real People, I'm going to chip in to give you a brief stay at Sovereignty Rehab.
There you'll be able to participate in such activities as Nice and Easy Crown Removal, where each day your cherished headdress will be moved a little farther away from you, until it's completely out of your sight. There will be the unpleasant part of your stay during which you'll be forced to eat pb&j while everyone else around you drools roast beef and Snickers, but surely you expected that.
Someone will be with you to see you through the Big Mac withdrawals. His name is Ronald and he's the cheer-you-up sort who likes to walk around in a big red clown wig. It's okay if you call him Ranger Dave, because we all know your mind can play tricks on you when you're in detox.
You'll also take a refresher course in English, where you'll work on such words as "dwinking" and "fishies." This doesn't have anything to do with being a former King; it's just something Bunny insists on.
It won't be all bad, Jee. You'll get to wear the golden robe right up until the last minute. And you can bring Robert with you if you want to. He might be able to score some free pomade samples from the Elvis room (of course, there's an Elvis room - duh!) They'll even send you home with some kingly souvenirs of your time at the facility: a cardboard crown from Burger King; biographies of former graduates Larry, Don, and Sky; and a photo of yourself in your robe printed on a pillow case. By the way, Don King's bio would make a great thank you gift to Robert for all the Viagra he's going to hook you up with. It will be inspiring for him to know that funky follicles don't have to stand in the way of success.
Alison approaches Jee and Robert.
Ali: "Jun is going to vote to keep Jack, so can I give a vote to Erika?"
Jee: "If you don't vote with us, it will show that you aren't with us. Jun jumped sides, but you never have." (Wha?? She's a freakin' kangaroo!)
Rob: "Remember how I lit into Jun after she did that?"
Ali: "I'm nervous about tomorrow. I really don't want to give Jack a vote to stay."
Jee: "We'll get Jack out next week. I don't trust Jun's vote."
Ali: "But Jack is after me."
Jee: "You have to understand that Jun is after you, too. You have made us promises."
Ali: "Well, no matter what happens tomorrow, I won't put you up."
Jee: "The end vote will be about who plays the game the best. If you do things our way and make it to the end, you will have our votes."
Ali: "If I change my mind and vote against Jack, you shouldn't be surprised."
Jee: "If you go against me, I will take it personally."
(See, this is the kind of thing they'll work on in King rehab.)
Jee: "So tell me how you're voting."
Ali: "Right now, Erika."
Jee: "If you change from that, you will mess up our plan. Remember, I could have taken Jack's suggestion and used the veto to put you up."
Jee, Bunny suggests that you save your breath. Nothing you say will ever bring Alison back to your side. You can't undo the damage you did to your relationship yesterday with your unflattering comment about her big booty. You may have had her at "hello," but you lost her at "porker."
Robert, on the other hand, still has a shot by tempting Ali with stardom. He encourages her to stay in L.A. to take advantage of his connections. He'll let her use his gym membership on the days that David Hasselhoff stops by to have a protein drink in the locker room with Carmen. He'll work on salvaging his strained relationship with Usher so that she can dance in his next video. And there's no question that he can get Boogie to generate some publicity for her by proposing to her on the last Live Show.
Before bed on his final night as King, His Royal Highness tells Robert, "These people think they are better than everyone else. I'm not going to put people down." Don't worry, Jee. In rehab, there's also a course called, "Are You Kidding Me With This, Man?". It's the first one I signed you up for.
|
|
|
|
