| Author |
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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 4:26 pm 
Time to wake up, houseguests! Today is Scott's birthday! We'll be checking for an increase in his maturity level throughout the day. Not expecting one, mind you, but checking nonetheless.
Scott and Jase get ready for the day: both with no shirt, both with the head gauze, both with the cocky attitude. It's becoming increasingly more difficult to tell which one is Mary-Kate and which one is Ashley.
Marvin invites Lori into the HOH room. "I've got a big surprise to show you. None of the other girls have seen it." Lori cringes, then realizes Marvin is talking about the spy screen. He apologizes to her AGAIN for nominating her (okay, Marvin, we get it), and says he's prepared to replace Holly if Jase uses the Veto. Lori says she's ready to go home (okay, Lori, we get it) so it doesn't really matter which HG he puts up in Holly's place.
BB announces that the Veto meeting is imminent, so the Four Horsemen convene for a quick tete-a-tete. Jase says, "Today Marvin will put up Karen. We'll get him out next, then stay cool for two weeks. After that, we'll be busting out. Ya-hoooo!" Oh, dear, I thought it was "yeeeee-haw." I've had t-shirts printed up and everything.
Jase has decided to put on a shirt for the Veto meeting, but he doesn't believe in buttons. He leaves it open for a pimp look, very Mark Wahlberg in "Boogie Nights." Or maybe John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever." I don't know. It's very "some movie with the word 'night' in it." Anyway, it doesn't look good.
Marvin tells Jase that Lori was trying to manipulate him. "All that 'I wanna go' was bulls--t. I bet when her t-tty plopped out, that was all staged so we wouldn't vote her out." Marvin, you couldn't be more wrong. My man Justin Timberlake saw the whole thing, and it was simply a wardrobe malfunction, a totally unintentional plop.
Jase goes into the bedroom to practice his Veto speech. I don't know how much practice it takes to say, "Holly off, Karen on," but he goes over it and over it to get it just right. "Holly OFF, Karen ON. HOL-ly off, KAR-en on." He's also concerned with presentation. Should he hold his hands up? Or by his side? Headband on? Headband off? Sunglasses on? Off? He tries different looks, different gestures, different ways of interjecting words like "rawhide," "coyote," and, of course, "yeehaw" into sentences.
Finally, he's ready, and the Veto ceremony takes place. Snidely Whiplash pulls the blonde damsel in distress off the railroad tracks, which is a nice thing, but he lays another one down in her place: Karen, master baker of the peanut butter pie. (You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?)
Karen tells some of the others that "it's turning into the Scott and Jase show" and the honest people don't have a chance. Lori tells her not to worry because she.......wait for it......wants to go home. If this shows up on a BB challenge, everyone will get it right. "HGs, where does Lori want to go?" Well, at least everyone will except Holly. She'll answer, "Dolly Wolly-wood?"
While Jase is occupied in the bathroom, Scott writes, "Your ugly" on the mirror so that Jase will see it when he comes out. Not "you're," as in "You're one flat-iron session away from Fraggle Rock" - but "your," as in "Your a-- is never going to get laid after this show." Maybe Scott really knows how to spell the word; he just didn't want to waste lipstick.
Jase tells Scott and Michael that Marvin showed Lori the spy screen "so she is out of here" followed by Marvin next week. Marvin joins them to let them know he wants Karen to go home. Marvin, you might as well shut your bazoo. Them Horsemen bullies done cleaned your plow, and the whoopin' has just begun. As Scott would say, pack "you're" bags.
The HGs are in lockdown, and what's a little down time if you can't use it to destroy the personal property of a fellow contestant? Scott decides to do just that, zeroing in on Michael's cowboy hat. He jumps on it and crushes it, and Michael is devastated. So is Bunny, because what will Lonesome wear now when he comes looking for Belle?
With the hat gone, we'll have to change the plot of the tv show. There's no shortage of bandanas in the house, so wardrobe would be a snap for, say, a train engineer. We could do the Snidely thing again ("Yah-ha-ha!"), only this time, he puts Nell (played in pink ruffles by yours truly) on the railroad tracks and Drew is the engineer who stops the train and saves her. Or maybe he could play Dudley Drew-right of the Canadian Mounties, except when he unties Nell from the tracks, Hardy shows up. Curses, foiled again!
Jase tells Holly that it's a curse being so good-looking. Holly agrees with him. She says she wouldn't have hung around these people in high school. I know exactly where you're coming from, guys. Bunny has the same problem. She's so fine that every time she steps on the red carpet, some jealous goofball throws paint on her fur. It's a hard luck life. Yes, sir.
Michael has done his best to reshape his hat and puts it on to play a few rounds on the backyard golf course. Scott says he thinks it would be funny if he pulls Michael's cowboy hat off his head while he's playing golf and stomp on it. Again with the hat. What do you have against straw, Scott? Maybe a Rumplestiltskin phobia? Did your mother throw you in a rattan basket and float you Moses-style down the Mississippi? Perhaps being born in a barn was enough to scare you off the stuff? Whatever it is, stop taking it out on Cowboy. You're liable to lose your bathing partner.
The group gathers to celebrate Scott's birthday with more of Karen's peanut butter pie. Discussion turns to how they are faring with each other. Nokomis says the only thing she has done to make people not like her is dye her hair green. She overlooks the people who may have turned down a Nokomis fan club membership when she entered the house with lavender locks and more graffiti on her body than Tommy Lee. And now, there's the head shaving.
By the shores of Gitchee Ya Ya
Sits Nokomis, now Mo-Hawk-ah
Down her legs and back and shoulders
Painted is she with her warpaints
Grape of purple, then of seafoam
"You must peel me! You must peel me!"
Blades descend upon the grapevine
Now the grape looks worse than ever
Michael: I can't believe Marvin showed Lori the spy screen.
Scott: He's a stupid a--. We own this game. There has never been domination like this in any other show.
Michael: The Three Stooges did well last year. Robert got fourth place.
Scott: That's us. The Horsemen. 1-2-3-4.
Bunny: Okay, so it's Scott, Jase, then Drew. That leaves you to come in fourth, Cowboy. And you already know where that gets you - right back to your grandmother's house bedding down with your Carmen Electra posters.
Cowboy bunks down for the night, keeping one eye open for that no-good straw poacher. He's sad that his friend has turned so mean, and longs for the good old days. He sings himself to sleep:
I'm an old cowhand
From Big Brother land
Yes, my legs are shaved
But I'm still a man
I have dreams of being in a rodeo
Or with Drew starring in my own western show
But I'd settle for a bath with my Speedo beau
Yippee yi yo ki ay
Hoppy trails,
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