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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Monday, July 26, 2004 - 9:27 am 
Drew is up early, having spent a restless night worrying about the nominations he will have to make today. Even the poster with Bunny's picture provided no comfort. He is an honorable man who doesn't want to hurt anyone, and dreads the decision he needs to make.
Taking solace in the Bible, he searches for something that will help him make up his mind. He brushes over scriptures about taming the savage beasts and wrapping one's head in swaddling clothes, and instead focuses on the story of Joseph and his coat - or Mohawk, as it were - of many colors. He also sees something about Jezebel using her feminine wiles to destroy prophets and game show contestants. This information from the Good Book will serve to be invaluable in the hours to come.
Before nominations, however, there's the Food Competition. BB wakes up the other HGs by blaring Sting's "Every Breath You Take" through the house. Scott changes the words a little to fit his own situation.
Every breath I take
Every thing I break
Every bath I take
Every dump I make
Bunny's watching me
Well, you're mostly right, Scott - I do see most everything. But I pretty much hide my eyes when I hear you yell, "Incoming!"
The HGs dress into their swimsuits and gather in the living room where Drew distributes goggles and water shoes. They head out to the backyard for the "Alphabet Soup" competition - a big bowl of broth containing letters that are to be used in spelling the names of food items they want to have for the week.
Marvin begins by spelling "beer." I'm not sure why this was Marvin's top priority on his list of dietary requirements. Maybe it helps to prevent Sickle Cell Anemia or something. Michael next spells out "beef," having to change only one letter of Marvin's original word, which is more difficult than you would think if you're a product of the rural Texas school system. Scott follows by spelling out "steak," which seems redundant to me, but who am I to argue with a genuine certified meathead?
Jase spells out "pizza," Diane "milk," Karen "cola." Holly spells out "shmoopy" but everyone just lets it go since she's a vegetarian and wouldn't have asked for anything good anyway. Scott gets one more crack at it and goes for "cheese," which he misspells "c-h-e-e-s-s-e." I'm thinking he either went to the same school as Cowboy, or he meant to spell "chemise" so that he would have something different to wear the next time the boys play dress-up.
Drew thinks he wants to nominate Marvin and Adria, with Adria as the pawn. He decides to discuss the idea with her.
Adria: You put up Marv and me, and he gets himself off, I'm gone.
(I would say something here about Marvin and booty-licious and what goes on in the room when he's HOH, but I don't think it's necessary.)
Drew: What about Holly?'
Adria: I don't know the girl that well.
(She lives with a mannequin. What more do you need to know?)
Adria: It's ultimately your decision. Just know that I will do whatever I can to save you if the time comes.
Drew: I have learned so much from you. You are a great person.
Bunny is beginning to think so, too, Adria. You do seem to be a real sweetheart. I wouldn't mind seeing you stay in the game. Your sister may be evil as hell for all I know, but I have to go on the information I've got. There's only one thing about you that bothers me. It's the way you dance. You know - that "white girl boogaloo" mess that so many girls pick up at Pom Pom Camp. Head up, right foot forward, hands on hips, and step. Step. And step. LUNGE! If there are two of you doing that crap in a few weeks, I'm going to regret my decision to like you.
Adria: Everyone sees you as the good guy, Drew. Sometime in the game, everyone will want to get rid of the good guy.
Drew: I'm afraid to go against Jase right now. I don't know the right time to break away. I trust you, and I trust Diane.
Adria: Your time is now. We need a good man to step up. The bases are loaded; all you need is a hit. (You can do it, Charlie Brown!)
Drew: I know this is happening for a reason. It's "Let's see what you're made of, Drew.'"
Bunny: I can already answer that. Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little Drew is made of. Now, come on - give mama some sugar.
It's time for Drew to make his decision. The HGs are put on lockdown outside. While they're there, Holly decides she has to go to the bathroom, and she can't wait until she gets back inside. The other girls hold up towels around her so that she can urinate in a bucket. Kind of "Tinkle Bell" meets "Hee Haw."
Drew finally calls them inside for the ceremony. He nominates Nokomis and Holly. Nokomis because she's so into the Indian thing that she's scalping herself, and Holly because she just peed in a pail on national television. Both very valid reasons in my book.
Horsemen Jase and Scott are terribly upset that PeePee Barbie was put on the block.
Jase: Drew went off and made his own decision. He didn't do what we told him to do.
Scott: You and I will be next up on the block. Did he not think we could control that woman?
(If so, where were you when she was letting it rain right under Camera One?)
Michael joins them and says that Drew may have messed things up for the Four Horsemen, but he made his nominations with his heart. Pinky and the Brain tell him to persuade Nokomis to choose him as her partner in the Veto competition. "Then you can take Holly off instead of her." Do that, Cowboy, and you'll ruin any chance at all of getting your own version of "The Donny and Marie Show." He's a little bit country, she's a little bit circus freak.
Scott, Jase, and Michael head Drew off at the pass and confront him about his decision to nominate Holly.
They hammer away at him until he's in tears. That's right - he's having a breakdown and it's all their fault. So that's it, pony boys. You three just earned yourselves a ticket to Sleepy Hollow. Say bye bye to your noggins and the do-rags that love them.
Drew seems to be listening to their advice to try and win the Veto and remove Holly from the block. Jase tells him that Will and Adria have an alliance and they need to be split up. "You need to get rid of Adria," he says. And what you don't even realize, Drew, is that you'd be killing two birds with one stone. Two birds who came from the same zygote.
After the tension has sufficiently built up, most of the HGs head for the hot tub in order to relieve the stress. They take some of the beer they won in the food competition. Jase proceeds to demonstrate how to crush a beer can on his forehead. Those of us with a brain bigger than a pea wouldn't think of doing such a thing. That's why I watch this show - to see how the other half lives.
Jase tells Scott, "You and I are on the front page of this show every day. Drew and Cowboy are staying low. F--- Marvin. He's done. This is the posse right here." He indicates the four guys and Holly, who is sitting on the side of the tub.
Michael: Yeah, the Four Horsemen!
Holly: Wha? The Four Horsemen? What's that?
Had it been anyone but Holly, she might have gotten a clue that the Horsemen are the four men in the hot tub, one of which she is not. No, she's Miss Fanny from "Big Brothel," the gal they use when they need her and toss out the door when they're done.
Scott says he's decided that if he wins the money, he's going to give it all to Cowboy for his upcoming wedding. Jase graciously offers to have his band play for the discounted price of $10,000. Cowboy says he would like to use some of his winnings to hire Toby Keith to sing. Toby Keith the country superstar. I can probably get that worked out for him. I'll give Toby a call.
Bunny: Toby? Bunny here.
Toby: Bunnita senorita! What's shaking, cottontail?
Bunny: Well, something majorly awesome. Cowboy wants you to sing at his wedding.
Toby: Cowboy??? THE Cowboy??? The one from "Big Brother?"
Bunny: One and the same.
Toby: I just can't do it, Bun. Not after he wore that pink shirt on the Live Show.
Bunny: That's not fair, Tobe. You have to give Cowboy props for his courage. Sometimes good guys don't wear white.
Toby: Okay, maybe we can make a deal. Who's he getting to star in his sitcom?
As soon as Bunny gets assurances that she'll get her ten percent, she inks the deal with Cowboy and then begins working on the music for the wedding with Toby. They start with an altered rendition of a Willie Nelson tune for Michael's dance with his mother:
Mama, your baby's grown up to be Cowboy
He's not a doctor or lawyer or such
But everyone knows that he's got the right touch
To bring back "Bonanza" or even "Rawhide"
With new sis Nokomis as Indian guide
As soon as he brushes his new wife aside
Mama, your baby's blown up as the Now Boy
Making more money than lawyers and docs
Being promoted by "Big Brother" jocks
Soon to appear on the big silver screen
Always in pink with Nokomis in green
His image on buckles and weiners and beans
Mama, it's time you said, "Down, boy!"
They're bringing in doctors in white coats and such
He's falling apart 'cause it's all been too much
The ride must be over, no more glory days
He's been put to pasture, his star's not ablaze
He wonders how much BB All-Stars will pay
Mama, he's Rodeo Clown Boy
Performing for doctors and lawyers and such
Begging outside of my posh rabbit hutch
Paid for in cash by the words on this page
Surely he knew you can't stay all the rage
Just 'cause you locked yourself up in a cage
Just kidding, Cowboy. I know I'm going to see your star on the Walk of Fame someday. It might be the one in front of the Walmart in Muskogee, but it will still count.
Hoppy trails,
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