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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Monday, August 02, 2004 - 12:19 pm 
The HGs are greeted this morning with a message on the plasma screen: "Nominations Today!"
Jase goes out to the hammock with Diane to give her mad props for her show of endurance last night. "R-e-s-p-e-c-t, that's what Diane means to me," he says. "We did something together in this game that no one else ever has. If you have to nominate me, though, I understand."
I, too, have to applaud you, Diane. Girl, you handed that boy his head band on a silver platter. I don't know where all that strength came from. Maybe from lifting up the trailer to set it on tires?
Diane leaves the hammock and runs into Marvin, who tells her, "If you're going to nominate me, do it today so I'll have a chance at the Veto." She kisses him and tells him he will always be safe with her, much in the same way a black widow spider smooches her mate right before she injects venom and liquifies his a-s for lunch.
Jase shuts himself up in the HOH room with Will, and for a minute, Will's eyes light up. Maybe not as much as if Drew just shut the door behind them, but still....However, Jase just wants to lobby to stay in the house, and he wants Will to help his cause. "I was going to nominate Scott if I had won the HOH. I have a score to settle. I need to avenge Holly."
Will: Does that mean you're going to start wearing that stupid Zorro mask again?
Jase: You know, I really liked that girl. Do you think she liked me? (Check one: Yes or No.)
Will: I don't know. One day she was saying you weren't her type, and the next she was crazy about you.
Jase: It was weird how she wouldn't kiss me.
Will: Well, you did have that big ol' scaly pus-infested infection on your face.
Jase: It was just a cold sore.
Will: Maybe so, but cats can die from it.
Jase: She isn't a cat. How many times do I have to say this. She is NOT a cat!
Will: I don't know about that. She sure freaked out when we ran out of tuna.
Marvin, Jase, and Scott are all commiserating over their fate and it sounds like an episode of "To Tell the Truth."
Jase: I'm a BB HG and I really don't know if I want to stay.
Scott: I'm a BB HG and I really don't know if *I* want to stay.
Marvin: I'm a BB HG and I, too, really don't know if I want to stay.
This whining "I wanna go home!" stuff is for the birds. We hear it every season from one sore loser after another. Get a grip, fellas. Big boys don't cry. They might wear pink, curl their hair, and shave their legs, but they don't weep like a willow. Okay, maybe Cowboy, but he's the only one.
Will and Karen are concerned that Michael's "good ol' boy" act is getting him too far in the game.
Will: He's just playing dumb.
Karen: Yeah, when he talks "game," he's not stupid.
I know he's not stupid either, but why is it I keep thinking of Forrest Gump wandering into the Oval Office, then into an international ping pong tournament, and now on to a reality show? Is it the haircut?
Adria has laundry to do, and so does Scott. They presoak their things together in the washtub, and when Adria goes back to scrub and rinse, she notices that all of her white things have turned pink. I have this horrible fear that we're going to see a Live Show with every HG dressed in carnation, either by design or by accident. No, wait, I take that back. I actually hope it happens. Pink flatters the Bunny beyond belief.
Everyone wants to know what will happen to the cardboard twins from the HOH competition. BB informs them that they will be able to take them home. Someone please email me if you see Drew's statue go up on Ebay. And Will's, because then I'll have someone to dance with in my living room the next time I break out the disco discs. Le freak, c'est chic.
The HGs are on lockdown while Diane is preparing her nominations. To pass the time, or the gas, as it were, Scott opens a Fart School for Jase and Marvin.
Scott: Grasshopper, I will teach you how to expel like the Master.
Jase: I am your humble servant.
Scott: You must use your inner strength - your ch'i - to reach your destiny. Take the pebble from my hand, young grasshopper - or, you can just pull my finger if you want. Close your eyes - what do you hear? The water? The birds? The sound of your own heartbeat?
Jase: No, I heard a toot loud enough to drown out Metallica at full volume.
Marvin: They're still around?
Jase: Yeah, furreal. Anyway, that's how loud that fart was.
Scott: Then you have heard the Master at his best. Confucious say, "He who channel ch'i to backside will save much yuan on whoopee cushion."
Diane calls everyone in for the nominations, during which she puts Jase and Scott on the block. "One of those mandanas is going home," she says. Marvin and Michael both breathe a sigh of relief that they aren't on the block, and the Bandana Bandits quietly accept their fate.
Scott is thinking ahead to the Veto, and asks everyone not to put up Cowboy if someone is able to step off the block. "He needs the money more than anyone," he says. "No, he doesn't," says Bunny. "With a lasso like his, he'll be starring in a western porn flick in no time - 'Lord of the Ropes' or something."
Karen and Will sneak a minute alone to confirm their long-standing alliance. They vow never to go against each other, but agree that they need to spend less time together in order to avoid suspicion. Drew finds Diane in the HOH room and asks her if he can sleep with her this week. He looks at the poster on the wall, winks, and mouths, "For the game, Bunster, for the game." Diane says she is happy to let him sleep there. Bunny says it's fine with her, too, just as long as no one's putting carrot to cabbage patch underneath the covers.
Scott and Cowboy prepare for their evening bath. They fill the tub with bubbles and dim the lights in the bathroom. Scott puts on his best Speedo and Cowboy crimps his hair. They want it to be special. After all, Scott may be leaving soon.
Michael: We need to figger out how to keep you here.
Scott: Well, I do have a plan. I'll win the Veto, save Jase, and Diane will put up Marvin. Everyone will vote for Marvin to go home instead of me.
Scott, you need to close your Fart School and open a different one: a junior college that offers courses in BB strategy, most specifically one called "Vanity and the Veto: A Formula for Early Exit." Taught by Marcellas, of course. There also needs to be a class in how to salvage your dignity once you exit the show, but I don't have a clue as to who could teach that one.
BB surprises the HGs with ceramic pigs to paint. They will be used tomorrow in the Veto challenge. Everyone is excited and begins to decorate a pig. Diane paints hers entirely in pink from top to bottom - not a pretty pink, but the kind of hot pink that makes you want to live in Miami. Will leaves his pig naked except for a lavender bow tie, which tells me a lot about how Will spends his Saturday nights. Scott, naming his Psycho Pig, paints on scary black eyes, a bloody mouth, and words scratched helter skelter all over its body. Words like "Satan's #1 Fan" and "Death to Pigs" - but also others, like "Pink Power," "Love to C.B." and "I Brake for Bubbles." Another misunderstood swine just trying to find himself.
Drew's pig is clothed handsomely in a tuxedo, natch. Marvin decorates his in the colors of his favorite football team, all the while dreaming of how good some pork chops would taste about now, especially if the pig had some booty-licious hind quarters. Jase's pig is totally awash in bright red, much like the color he will turn when he sees himself on TV clucking like a chicken and yelling "Nark!" at the cameras during the HOH comp.
Michael coats his entirely in neon yellow, which is the color rodeo clowns wear to keep the bulls away, and also the color of western porn stars' cheap jewelry. Adria paints hers white with whiskers to resemble a rabbit more than a pig, or it could be a cat, or maybe it's what a pig would look like if it's mama slept with a rabbit or a cat.
Karen and Nokomis are the most excited to have some art work to do. Karen is so overwhelmed with joy that she needs to take frequent breaks just to calm down. Nokomis is exuberant about covering her piglet with piercings and biker tattoos. Will wants his pig to hang out with Nokomis's pig, which is exactly how those gay leather fetish balls get started.
After arts and crafts hour, the HGs sit down for some of Marvin's jambalaya. It's not the same as the pork chops he's craving, but he did put some sausage in it. Jase goes from dinner to the tub, where he actually bathes for real. We have the proof when he emerges nude from the suds and takes a moment to find a towel. Bunny doesn't want to be the one to tell him that he may have shattered any chances he might have had of getting a spread in Playgirl. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free on the internet?
The HGs decide it's late and they need to get to bed so they're ready for the Veto competition tomorrow.
Jase: I miss Holly.
Bunny: Me, too, Jase. Where am I going to get material for the next two months? One can only tell so many lasso jokes about Cowboy.
Scott: I'm going to move out to California.
Jase: I know a lot of people out here.
Scott: I'm going to get a pad with Drew and we'll both get laid because we're on TV.
Bunny: Well, you're half right.
Just kidding, Scott. I have no doubt you'll get your share of women, too. Heck, you said you didn't wipe your bum for six months and no one ever complained. Go find those girls again, Scooter. The ones who have no sense of smell. They'll be the best at putting up with your crap.
Hoppy trails,
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