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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 7:53 pm 
So what happened while I was gone? Adria doubled, Scott scooted, and the Daughter of the Moon won HOH, right? What a week to go on vacation. All the good stuff happens, and now that I'm back, I'm stuck writing about which twin makes the better coffee and Jennifomis's follicle patterns. Somebody shoot me now.
Jen and the twins are in the kitchen early this morning, and it appears that Moon Pie has come up with what she calls "a six-finger plan" to assure that Jase goes home this week. She nominated Diane and Marvin, but Drew won the Veto and took Diane off the block - Nokomis immediately replaced her with Jase, and the plan is for everyone to evict Jase on Thursday. Just my luck. All the best characters will be gone! Anyone want to take over the summaries? I hear the twins are going to switch off leading the exercise classes and Nokomis MIGHT change her hair color again. The excitement is pouring off these three like tears out of Cowboy.
Oh, I also heard that Marvin turned into Adria's knight in shining solid steel armor, coming to her rescue when Jase yelled at her after the last Live Show. "Don't talk to a woman like that," he said. Did I hear that right? It was MARVIN?? Well, what do you know - a chivalrous pervert. Got to be a first.
I understand another calamity took place while I was AWOL. Jase dropped trou and showed everyone his enormous dangling reproductive glands. Now, that takes balls. Big ones. Which, I guess, was his whole point.
And not to be outdone, Cowboy paraded his penis around, topped off by his ten-gallon. My, oh, my, am I ever sorry I missed that. Add the fact that he's a regular super freak on the dance floor (the kind you don't take home to mama), and I'm beginning to believe that our boy Michael is a contender for one of BB's all-time best entertainers. He always leaves me wanting more. I got a fever....and the only prescription is more Cowboy.
The HGs have now been ordered by BB to congregate outside. I nap for a moment while Nokomis discusses a past dental emergency and Karen talks about how to custom paint a toilet seat. Finally, we get some strategy conversation. Jase decides he will try to convince the twins to form an alliance with him. "I'm no threat to win," he says. Truer words were never spoken.
Michael makes the rounds trying to drum up some votes for Jase. He tells Drew that he is counting on his vote. "I want to know what the majority is going to do. I want no surprises on Thursday." Don't worry, Cowboy, there won't be any. Unless, of course, you decide to freak dance again. That will shock the hell out of everybody.
Nokomis tells Karen that she feels sorry for Michael. "He's talking to everyone, trying to find out how they're voting, but no one will tell him." Karen says, "I think he's unstable." I don't know, Karen. I'd say he's just a typical American male. Name one guy you know who wouldn't jump at the chance to strip down naked on national television and dangle a cowboy hat from his wanger.
If you want to talk "unstable," let's talk about Jennifer's idea to name all the cameras in the house. Not such a bad thing if you choose BB-related names, like Mr. Peepers, or even Indian ones, such as Big Chief Sensational Voyeurism - but she names them Joe and Jesse, which I guess is after people on "The Bachelor." I suppose she could have had Jesse James and Injun Joe in mind, still wrestling with her cowboy/Indian identity, but naming inanimate objects is a lame thing to do no matter how you slice it. So is covering your body in ink pictures, but that's another sick story entirely.
Karen has on a pink swimsuit today, which is a welcome change over the American flag bikini she usually wears. It was never Betsy Ross's intention to have the stars and stripes draped across anyone's rear end. I'm glad Karen realizes we need a breather from it, unlike Marvin, who continues to wear whatever that is around his neck. I still haven't figured it out - is it a dog collar? Shark's teeth? Barbed wire, maybe? If a genie popped out of a bottle today and granted me three wishes, one of them would most definitely involve the destruction of Marvin's necklace. Another would involve Drew, but that's another sick story entirely.
Diane tells Will and Karen that the plan is in motion to get Jase out of the house. Karen says, "I've been waiting since Day One to get Jase out of here." I just don't get that, Karen. Jase is a sweetie sweet sweet. In fact, right this very minute, he's staring at the HG photos on the wall with love in his eyes. Okay, maybe it's not exactly love - I guess you would have to say his glare falls more into the "Die, Dan!" category, and it's probably a safe assumption that the mysterious Dan has fallen off the detest-o-meter and been replaced en masse with Jase's roomies, whose pictures he is now defacing. Diane, thanks to Jase, has acquired devil's horns. Drew, however, gets a halo. Others have various knick-knacks hanging on the pegs beside their photos. Marvin walks by and Jase explains that he's just trying to make good TV. Of course, "good TV" in my book would be watching the girls lick whipped cream off Drew's belly (see paragraph above), but no one asked me.
Cowboy tells Jase that he will be sorry to see him go if he's evicted this week. "They took out our whole team. We just got too cocky." I could say something here, but I won't.
Okay, it's time to lower the boom on the twins. Grace period is officially over. And I'm going to start with their annoying habit of using sign language to communicate. First of all, it's not necessary. Everyone knows that twins can send messages telepathically. Therefore, they're only doing it to tick me off. How can I write a "she said, she said" paragraph when all the words are coded in points, flicks, and snaps? I know they're just going to say that they want to make it easier for deaf people to understand the show, but BB already provides subtitles at the bottom of the screen - well, at least they do when Cowboy's talking.
Karen approaches the twins in the kitchen and tells them she wants to make it to the Final Four. "After that, it's all luck," she says. She exits, leaving the twins alone to talk in code about her. At least, I think they're talking about Karen. I see a few alphabet letters made with fingers, then I hear some Morse dit dit dits and dot dot dots, topped off with twirling a finger around the head, which is universal sign language for "crazy.". Yeah, they're definitely talking about Karen. The Karen who sits and talks to herself, not the Karen who keeps a running tally of her in-house tiddlywinks, which is only crazy to some people.
Natalie checks in with Drew about the game. He informs her that Diane laid out the group's eviction plan: Jase, then Marvin, then Michael. "After that, I think we should form an alliance of twins. All of us who have a twin will band together against Will, Karen, and Nokomis." The twin presence is a first for BB. The closest thing we've had up to this point is Robert's striking resemblance to Baba Looey.
The twins confront Will about where he stands.
Adria: Within our six people, who are you teamed up with?
Will: I honestly have no alliances.
Natalie: People are starting to talk about commitments. The word on the street is that you're a floater. Don't get caught as the wild card.
And don't say "floater" anymore either. It brings back haunting memories of Scott's gift to Television Land. Some of us may never recover.
BB delivers alcohol to the HGs and after a few drinks, talk turns to sex. Drew rates himself a 10 in bed, but Bunny says she'll be the judge of that. In the meantime, however, he climbs into bed with Diane for the night. The others head for a soak in the hot tub, where Jase tries again to swing some votes his way. He promises to share the mirror with others, to tear the sweatbands to shreds, and to banish the words "Troy," "Snatch," and "Fight Club" from his vocabulary. And, most importantly, he vows to give his fellow turkeys some competition at Chicken George's Turkey Testicle Festival next Thanksgiving. Need I remind you that he's certainly got the balls to do it.
Hoppy trails,
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