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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 12:35 pm 
Today is Eviction Day and everyone is up and around except Jase. I suppose he is catching up on his beauty sleep so he'll look refreshed when he meets Julie Chen this evening. Karen and Jen have a quick discussion about tonight's HOH competition.
Karen: I think most people would put up Cowboy and Marvin, but I'm feeling very paranoid today. I think Diane and the twins have a mini-alliance.
Jen: If I see them doing something to the detriment of the team, I will call them out on it.
Karen: I wonder if the twins are trying to f--- us over mentally. They are the female versions of Jase.....remember, you have TWO of them. TWO!
Yep, that's what usually happens with twins. First, there's one. Then, all of a sudden, another one pops out.....and I gotta tell ya, it's SPOOKY! I've never understood how God crammed two bodies into one stomach, but I'm glad he figured out a way, because otherwise, we wouldn't have Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, not to mention Dirk and Dack Rambo and those Bee Gees. Of course, we wouldn't have had the Olsen twins either, so there's the flip side.
The other HGs are in the bedroom, trying to decide on clothing for the Live Show. Natalie asks Drew if his mother helped him pack. Will says his dad was a basket case, worrying about Will forgetting to take things. "He didn't sleep for a week!" Mr. Winkie, you are just too CUTE! Are you the one responsible for all the hats? I thank you for that. They are WAY better than the head hose.
Everyone in the group pitches in to get the house clean for tonight. Adria tackles the bathroom, Karen vacuums, Michael scrubs the kitchen with the help of Diane and Drew. Natalie, Marvin, and Jase are picking up clothes in the bedroom. "Ewwww!," screams Natalie. (Holly, you can now claim the only established BB5 catch phrase. "Yee-haw!" totally hit the dirt.) "There's a nasty sock over here!," says the twin. And not nasty as in stinky, dirty feet, but more like mega-funky as in someone's been to school with Karen. Jase says, "That's not mine! Really, it's not mine! Just throw it away!"
Natalie does just that, only it misses the trash can somehow and lands inside Jase's suitcase. I, for one, believe the foul sock IS Jase's. After all, one day he introduced a sock puppet to his roommates, and the next day the little guy was missing in action. Big time action. He was covering a soldier... in a heated shoot-out... when they were both hit by a shower of ammunition. The soldier went down first...then the sock hit the ground...dripping in something warm and oozy... unsure of what just hit him. He waited for someone to find him - maybe a nurse, maybe a cocktail waitress who was carrying alcohol - who would clean him up, and send him out to cover someone else. Instead, he was stumbled across by a fitness trainer from Alabama, who somehow wandered into the line of fire just after it died down. But it was too late. The sock was dead, mangled and reeking - so she buried him with, or maybe inside (since he was quite tiny), the duffle of the soldier he died protecting. And what happened to that some-say-young, some-say-not-so-young soldier? He soon regained his strength...and took cover in the nearest foxhole.
It's time to get ready for the Live Show. Fashion mistakes are found in abundance, but none worse than Jen in her camouflage cap. She looks like she just emerged from a duck blind. Michael has shaved off his moustache, greased his hair, and rolled up his shirt sleeves. Very "Sha Na Na." Marvin is pulling out all the stops in a tank top and shorts. (Pass.) Diane is wearing a parachute.
Jase is evicted as predicted by a near-unanimous vote and is shown to the door by his fellow HGs. I would like to sing a song in his honor and the first one that comes to mind is that little ditty we all learned in kindergarten: Do your nuts hang low, do they wiggle to and fro.....
But here's another one. It's the second verse to the Spinners' "Rubber Band Man."
Hand him down his walking cane
Hand him down his bag
Less than a minute to leave the house
His head swathed in do-rag
Hey, y'all, prepare yourself for the Rayon Band _Man
He's the guy whose bladder will burst if he can't get to the_can
BB had no idea
That they needed to provide_a bed pan
Holly is there to greet Jase, and he looks surprised to see her. So am I. I thought for sure she would have found her way home by now.
The HGs gather in the backyard to use their newly-acquired shuffleboard skills to compete for HOH. Julie Chen instructs them to shoot a puck to try and get it close to a line at the end of the board. Of course, Nokomis thinks she says "duck" and yells "PULL!." Adria wins, and the group heads inside to see what she gets in her goody basket.
She has been on peanut butter and jelly this week, so she is thrilled to find some of her favorite treats. There's also a picture of her family, some music from Usher, and a little stuffed bunny. The cutest little rabbit I've ever seen next to me. I'm so excited to see the hare ball that I now wish to declare Adria's grace period officially back on, which means I have no intention of mentioning that the lavender halter top she's wearing tonight needs to take a Pucci seat next to Erika's clothing in the section of the Hall of Fame labeled "BB Outfits That Give Bunny Intense and Debilitating Vertigo." And besides that - Purple. Belongs. Only. On. Prince. I can't stress that enough.
Michael asks Drew why he betrayed fellow Horseman Jase. "You didn't give him your vote." Drew says, "They have the numbers now, Cowboy. I have to look out for myself ." Michael says he understands, but he prefers to stay loyal to his alliance and go down with integrity. That's all fine and good, but playing with loyalty and integrity won't get you 500 grand in BB. It won't help you when you're freak dancing on Broadway either. Those people are brutal. You know when you hear them yell, "Break a leg?" They totally mean it.
Diane is the first to approach Adria in the HOH room, suggesting to her that she put up Will and Karen for eviction. "We can get Marvin and Cowboy out later." Marvin comes in next, but he just wants to listen to her Usher cd and practice his fine dance moves. After he leaves, Michael visits in order to plead his case. "You have my word that I will never nominate you or your sister. If I can't win the game, I want one of you to get the prize." Nokomis is next to come in, but she says she won't make any deals.
Adria says, "If I nominated Cowboy and Marvin, and one of them got saved, I would have to put someone in the girl alliance up, and that would leave me a sitting duck next week."
Jen: Duck? Did you say duck? PULL!
Adria: Cowboy said he would never put you up.
Jen: I wouldn't nominate him either. If I had to vote to evict him, though, I would. I will be true to my alliance.
You know, I'm beginning to see now why the cowboys and Indians were always fighting back in the Wild West days. They were just too loyal to their own. No cowboy would ever cross over to the Indian side, even to save his own skin, and no Indian would stop himself from offing a cowboy, even if it was discovered that the wrangler was really a papoose from the same tribe.
Best Line of the Day goes once again to Marvin. "How old do you think Jase was?," someone asks. "He said he was twenty-eight." Marvin replies, "Twenty-eight my ass. He's got underwear older than twenty-eight!" It's an old joke, I know, but I'm a sucker for anything with the word "underwear" in it. Especially the way Marvin says it.
It's time for alcohol, which leads to a rowdy game of Truth or Dare. Someone dares Will to kiss Nokomis - he does. Someone dares Nokomis to flash her boobs - she does. Someone dares Cowboy to repeat his famous hat trick, which means he needs to take a break in the bedroom to prepare. (You don't EVEN want to know.) Marvin is dared to strip - he does - and to do a lap dance with Natalie - he does, she doesn't. Will is dared to run naked through the house - he does, and Mr. Winkie agonizes over the fact that he forgot to pack a note in Will's suitcase that said "Please don't show your ass on TV." Karen is dared to give a long, loving kiss to Diane - she does, and with mucho feeling, which leads me to believe they have a better chance of making it in films than Cowboy.
After the buns and games, Karen approaches Adria in the HOH room about the impending nominations. She encourages her to put up Jen and Michael. "I wouldn't nominate Will. He would never turn on the group," she says. Natalie enters the room, and Karen leaves. The sisters talk about nominating Marvin and Will, with Karen going up if one of them wins the Veto. "I can make a deal with Cowboy," says Adria.
Natalie stays in the room to sleep with Adria, and they talk about missing home and their families. They also say how smart it was to have a bunny delivered in the goody basket, because it serves as a constant reminder that a certain rabbit is writing down the fact that Will just streaked through the house with his white flanks flapping in the wind, and that Jen just showed the world her impressive knockers for free, and that Michael proudly turned his penis into a human hat rack. The twins, on the other hand, stayed out of the ruckus, ever mindful of the Bunny's watchful eye. That's good for THEIR reputation, but terrible for mine - I need naked people to write about every now and then or no one will read my stuff. So, BB, the next time you steal one of Adria's bandanas, could you get that stuffed hare out of there? It's going to totally kill my career if those girls are the last two left in the house.
Hoppy trails,
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