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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 1:54 pm 
This summary is dedicated to P_Gunslinger, Pamy, and Bearware.
It's Eviction Day, and Cowboy is on the block. Therefore, he has to give a speech tonight, and he wants to face the cameras prepared. As soon as he awakens this morning, he stands in front of the mirror and rehearses, complete with hand gestures.
I wanna thank y'all, Big Brother, fer lettin' me just-a cowboy it up. I wanted this so bad I could purty nigh taste it, and you chosed me, givin' me the most proud I've ever had in my life. I didn't come in this here place to make friends, but dadburnit, I done it - and now, if I have to giddy-up on outta here, I'll just hafta say "Happy trails!” - until we meet agin on the set of my new movie, “Bourbon Cowboy,” starring me as John Travolka, and on opening night of “Death of a Horseman” on Broadway.
Michael and Adria were thrilled that BB used country music to wake them up this morning. After losing America's Choice and getting nominated, Michael needed a little pick-me-up. Adria was glad because it was probably Natalie's last chance to hear any, but Natalie says she would have preferred to hear something from "Poison." This stuns Bunny because she hasn't heard a word about Bret Michaels since he made that naughty video with Pamela Anderson that she wanted to see but never got to, which is just as well because she hasn’t fully recovered from the escapade with Tommy Lee. Anyway, just for Natalie, I’ll dig out a popular tune from Bret’s band:
Every rose has its thorn
You're going home since you're double born
Every cowboy sings a sad, sad song
When his long-lost sister does him wrong
Every twin is part of two
Socks, shoes, the Bush girls, and now you
When you’re in sequester, and you’re feeling blue
Never forget there’s another Drew
All the HGs begin to dress for the Live Show. Jen is wearing her jeans with the mammoth-sized holes in the knees. Maybe that's where they got the thread to choke the dragonfly. Drew is wearing a bright orange-red shirt, not unlike the color of a traffic cone or a cop’s vest or a warning sign that tells me to “Stop in the Name of Lucious.”
Diane is opting to leave shoes out of her outfit's equation, thinking that maybe she can start something on the internet like when Paul McCartney went barefoot on a Beatles album cover. I know it’s a popular trailer park choice, but Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore, or Kentucky or wherever. The only HG who ever had my permission to show his toes on TV was Dave, and that’s because he could hang from them.
Adria is consulting her Bible, looking for any and all passages that might tell her how to save Natalie in the game. There's one in there about "the meek shall inherit the earth," which, of course, doesn't apply here, and another one that says "flames consumed the wicked," which does. In fact, I'm afraid it's a clear indication that God isn't too happy about the twins asking Him to play favorites. Surely, if He was going to do that, Drew would win hands down. There is no better example of God's handiwork, and it goes without saying that an artist always wants to showcase his best stuff.
Natalie shows Adria a scripture that says, "Nobody knows when their hour will come." Of course, "nobody" doesn't include Bunny, who has a hunch that Natalie's hour is coming up pretty soon.
Drew tells Adria that she will be upset with his vote. "If it weren't for Diane.....," he says. "This week isn't good, but maybe next week will be." Adria tells him that she understands his decision to go with the majority. Adria's vote is the only one Natalie receives, and during the Live Show, the twin is evicted. There’s a lesson to be learned here, and I would like to call upon The Beatles to put it down in tune:
Two of us going nowhere
Because of a pinky swear
That_ we_ made
One of us joining Will now
It’s all downhill now
Because_ we _prayed
Two of us used the Good Book
To put the Fry Cook
With_ the_ gay
It made us look biased
Instead of pious
We’re on_our_way_back_home
We’re on our way home
We’re on our way home
We’re going home
After the eviction, the HGs are told that one of them will win a new America's Choice, the chance to talk to a loved one on the phone. Since none of them plans on calling me, I have no intention of voting. On second thought, I might vote for Adria, since I know she'll call Natalie and I want to see what happens if Will answers the phone.
I don't want to vote for Cowboy, because he'll just call an agent and then he'll have to live with it the rest of his life the way Jamie does, and it will turn out just as bad for Michael as it did for Jamie, because the agent will tell him the best gig he can get for him is a ribbon-cutting at a Wranglers outlet. Then Cowboy will just sob uncontrollably and drip snot on one of his yellow shirts and nobody wants to see that.
I don't want to vote for Drew, because it will just be like those obscene phone calls when all you can hear is someone breathing on the other end of the line. I don't want to vote for Karen - she'll call her husband and he'll start yelling at her about why she couldn't wait until she got home to take care of....well, you know.
Marvin’s out. He says he wants to call his mother, but it’s a sure bet he’s going to call a 1-900 number instead. Diane’s a no vote for me because it will be like high school where the girl calls every friend she knows to brag about the cute guy she’s dating. So that leaves Nokomis, and the only way I’ll vote for her is if she promises to call a taxi that will swing her down Rodeo Drive with a personal shopper.
The HOH competition is just what the HGs expected - they are instructed to putt golf balls up the ramps in the backyard. The first team to compete is made up of Michael, Adria, and Drew. Michael sinks the first putt and goes on to the final round. Karen, Marvin, and Diane compete next, and the end result is a close tie between Karen and Marvin. BB names Marvin the winner, and Michael joins him for a play-off. Marvin wins that, too, and is subsequently named HOH.
Marvin immediately tells Jen that she is safe this week. “I like the way you play the game, so you’re not going out.” He also promises safety to Diane, but in exchange, he wants a promise that she won’t nominate him if she gets HOH. She tells him he will always be safe with her.
The HGs say they would like t-shirts printed up to reflect their experiences in the BB house - “I Survived BB” and things like that. Cowboy says his will say “I Peed in My Wranglers,” which is exactly what Bunny would have put on it. It’s so much better than “Cowbonics Spoken Here” or “I’m Pride to Be an American” or that old saying from Mae West: “Is That a Pistol in Your Pants or an Expandable Hat Rack?”
There are other t-shirt ideas thrown around, like one for Jase: “Put the Sock on the Block” - and one for Will: “If You Wanna Play Spanky, I’ll Bring My Blankey.” For Scott, there‘s a choice of two: “Have No Fear, I Washed My Rear” or “DNA: Do Not Asswipe.”
The HGs are waiting for BB to announce that Marvin can go into the HOH room to get his goody basket. Nokomis is lying in the hammock talking to herself, Karen is popping pimples on her face, and Diane is looking at her stomach, trying to gauge whether or not she has gained weight. All of these things are weird, and I want them to stop, please.
They finally do when BB unlocks the door to the HOH room and Marvin enters for his second run as HOH this season. He finds some family photos, a letter from home, a variety of salty snacks, and a Prince cd, which Bunny is happy to see unless it inspires an onslaught of lavender and lilac in next week’s Live Show wardrobe. It looks like the music is Prince “pre-Jehovah’s Witness,” so it should contain a lot of the songs from which Marvin picked up his present-day vocabulary.
Adria is crying over Natalie’s eviction, and Karen is trying to comfort her.
Adria: It’s usually a party around here when someone’s evicted; everyone tries to ignore the sad part.
Karen: You’ve been hit harder than any other reality contestant.
Bunny: Not really. What about that lawyer on “Survivor?” Didn’t he get eaten by a pig or something?
Drew, Diane, and Nokomis are together trying to figure out who Marvin will nominate, while Marvin is partying like it’s 1999 in the HOH room. He’s guzzling beer, smacking on snacks, and singing in high tones. No one bothers him - either out of respect for his alone time, or because they noticed he took his shoes off before he climbed up on the bed.
Karen joins Drew, Diane, and Jen outside.
Diane: Adria is out for blood. I saw how she looked at me when I walked by.
Jen: She and her sister broke a promise. I put them on the block based on that.
Karen: I voted against Natalie because of the competitiveness. Those two would give each other a kidney.
Jen: I couldn’t care less that they’re twins. As soon as someone breaks a promise.....
Bunny: I know - you want a finger. We get it. Everything’s about the extremities with you - the six-finger plan, the pinky swear, Karen....
BB gives the HGs alcohol, and everyone is drinking except Adria and Karen. Adria takes her Bible to the bedroom, where she isolates herself from the others while they cook in the kitchen. After awhile, Diane and Jen are drunk. Marvin gives Diane a sobriety test by asking her to walk a straight line in the hallway. She fails it, and heads for the bedroom. Jen starts a pillow fight with Drew, and they end up in a wrestling match. Bunny watches, and wishes that out of all the gin joints in all the towns of the world, she could walk into that one.
Diane feels like she’s going to be sick, so everyone goes to bed. Before she dozes off to sleep, Karen talks about the boogers in her nose, which is way worse than popping pimples, and Nokomis talks about her need to fart, which is way worse than boogers. Or maybe they’re pretty much equal. Whatever the case, it’s giving me more good ideas for BB5 t-shirts.
Hoppy trails,
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