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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Sunday, September 12, 2004 - 11:18 am 
Thursday morning begins with Michael beating everyone to the bathroom mirror. A cowboy's work is never done, and that includes taking time to shave his unibrow. Merging of the brow is a common occurrence on the faces of broncos - it's the result of wearing a wide-brimmed cowboy hat 24/7. Water frequently collects there, helping to keep the forehead fertile and prime for follicle growth. So Cowboy, following in the footsteps of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and many other famous cowboys before him, not to mention Salma Hayek, turns to the razor for a little help each morning.
Today is Eviction Day, and Drew and Diane are discussing their intention to have Karen walk the plank.
Diane: Karen has never won HOH. I've taken her as far as I can in this game.
Drew: But I don't think either of us could win against Cowboy.
Diane: I know I can't win against you.
They go over the votes. Diane says Drew would get everyone's but Marvin's. I hate to tell Diane, but if she continues to work out and her posterior decreases in size, she'll lose Marvin's, too.
It's four hours until the Live Show. Drew says he wants to pass some of the time reading his Bible. He invites Diane to join him. She listens as he reads John 3:16.
Drew: That's what it's all about. Do you want to go to Hell?
Diane: No.
Well, what do you know? Diane's being converted. First Scott, and now Di. This could present a problem, though, as to which HG Jesus will give a leg up to in the game. He's supposed to be on Drew's side, but he might want to score points with his new lamb of the flock, Diane. Kind of as a thank you gift for coming on board the Holy Train. However, it's also standard to reward your loyal customers. Definitely a dilemma here. But I'm not worried - it's Jesus; he'll figure it out.
Cowboy tells Drew and Diane that he wants to win HOH.
Cowboy: I just really want to see a "pitcher."
Drew: Yeah, that would be great. Who's your favorite?
Cowboy: What?
Drew: What's on second, Who's on first.
Cowboy: I don't know.
Drew: I Don't Know's on third, Where's the pitcher.
Cowboy: That's what I'm trying to say - will you throw HOH so I can find out?
Diane: I can't win HOH. I couldn't live with myself if one of you guys went home instead of Nokomis.
Drew: If you win, Cowboy, Nokomis is really going to put the pressure on you.
Cowboy: I know that, but I'm prepared. Remember, she wanted me out.
Bunny: It's not you, Cowboy; it's the canary yellow. She hates it. Look at her tattoos - not a speck of yellow in a single one of them. She's never dyed her hair that color either, and we all know she's covered the entire rest of the rainbow. Switch to her favorite shade of blue - indigo ink- and she might spare you if she has to vote in the next eviction.
Cowboy takes Bunny's advice and dons a blue denim shirt for the Live Show. It's painful to forsake his faithful friend Yellow for the color of a varicose vein, but he's all about the Team.
In another room, Nokomis is also getting ready. She puts on a bright orange shirt with her cammo cap, perfect once again for the duck blind. It's important to wear camouflage to hide from the ducks, but even more important to wear orange to keep from getting shot by the other hunters. Perhaps Karen should be wearing it instead.
Nokomis says, "My make-up's done, my clothes are on - now all I need to do is put on a bra." Really? Why start now?
Karen has gained so much weight in the house that she can't find anything to fit her. She changes her clothes several times, finally deciding on a skirt. "If I wear jeans, they'll split my spleen." Bunny pauses for a moment to reflect on Marvin, and a similar spleen-splitting remark he made once upon a time. It haunts her to this day, and probably ruined any chance Marvin has of ever getting another date. Name one woman who wants to sleep with a man who has the ability to destroy one of her vital organs.
Nokomis, Drew, Diane, and Cowboy are sitting on the couch in the living room, quizzing each other on the state capitals. Drew knows them all, but Diane doesn't even know the capital of Kentucky. Yeah, I said Kentucky, as in the state where she LIVES. Perhaps as a footnote on the back of those shorts she wears with the word "Kentucky" spread in big white letters across her butt, someone could pencil in "Frankfort."
It's time for the Live Show, and everyone is dressed and ready to go. Nokomis not only found a bra, but an eyeliner pencil as well, with which she wrote a phone number across the front of her neck. I don't know who it belongs to, but the guy can certainly expect to be up all night fielding calls. I plan on calling him a few times myself. I hope it's pizza delivery.
Getting a closer look, I can see that the number is actually 1-800-PUNCTURE-ME!! Nokomis has used a stapler to underline the words and safety pins for the exclamation marks. I'm not calling that number for fear of getting on some Johnny Rotten mailing list, but those of you who are tempted can let me know who's on the other end of the line. My money's on Christina Aguilera. Or maybe not, since I heard she was tired of setting off the metal detectors at airports and decided to remove all the jewelry from her skin. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before all the holes close up and people stop mistaking her for a sieve.
Other than Nokomis's "prison-orange-was-so-last-year" t-shirt, I don't have much else to say about tonight's fashion, except to mention that nobody told Diane we're not at Wimbledon. Send the tennis skirt over the net, Serena.
Karen and Cowboy are up on the block, leaving Diane and Drew to vote live since Nokomis is HOH. They both vote to evict Karen as planned, and Julie Chen makes the announcement. An angry Karen leaves the house, remarking to Diane on the way out, "Thanks for backdooring me." I think she means "backSTAB," which is a word made popular by BB2's Krista. Or maybe that was "neckjab" or "throatslit," I really can't remember.
Karen talks with Julie, crying throughout the interview (Bunky, all is not lost!), and is then whisked off to Sequester to join Will, Natalie, Adria, and Marvin. The remaining HGs compete for HOH, with Drew winning once again. After a moment of celebration, Nokomis takes Diane aside to ask her why she voted against Karen. "I had no chance of winning with you and Karen both here." Nokomis says she understands ("Cool beans!") and that it's just a game.
The four HGs are put on lockdown outside, presumably while BB reduces the table size to a four-top. It's a long wait, and the men are in dire need of a potty break.
Drew: I really have to pee, BB.
Cowboy: I don't know how much longer I can hold it.
Diane: Just pee out here, boys. I've seen it all anyway.
Bunny: Yeah, we've seen it all anyway.
Cowboy: I don't want to. People really made fun of Holly for doing that.
Bunny: Yeah, people did.
Cowboy says he just can't help it, he's done gotta go, and he lets it whiz.
Bunny: Your turn, Drew.
Drew: No, I'll wait.
Bunny: Seriously - your turn.
Drew: No.
Marcellas: Come on, Drew.
BB announces that lockdown is over, and Drew is saved from the pressure to whip it out.
The table is indeed smaller, and alcohol has been left for the HGs. They take it outside where they talk about music they enjoy and concerts they've been to.
Diane: I've quit my job a lot to go to bars or see concerts.
Nokomis: Cool.
Bunny: Stupid.
Diane: Do you think people get tired of watching Drew and me make out?
Nokomis: No. I wish you would lick tongues right now.
Bunny: Please don't. I'd rather watch Cowboy pee again.
Drew announces that he's going to make macaroni and cheese for everyone, one of his specialties. Not to be confused with "macaroni and cheesse," which is one of Scott's. The recipe is a little more complicated than Frito Chili Pie, and the HGs are impressed with Drew's culinary skills. After the HGs' tummies are full, they tuck themselves in for the night. Drew and Diane begin their evening make-out ritual.
Drew: I bet people are getting tired of watching us kiss.
Bunny: You think?
Diane: I've never kissed anyone this much in my life.
Bunny: So give it a rest. No one's calling Guinness.
Diane: I'm not on birth control pills.
Drew: Wha??
Diane: I stopped taking them since they were so expensive.
I take back what I said. Both of you keep at it. I want to see you two mate since odds are you'll have twins together. Then that would be another great twist for BB. They keep you in the house until next season when the twins of the twins are revealed to the new HGs, who have to take care of them unless they win HOH. Cowboy and Nokomis will stay with you to assist with the birth. Cowboy don't know nuttin' 'bout birthin' babies, but he can catch them in his hat when they exit the womb. Nokomis won't have any problem at all with the scene, and will most likely relish watching Diane in pain. She'll step up to the plate when it comes to cutting the umbilical cord, pausing only for a moment to poke a few holes in herself first. Yeah, the BB6 ratings will go through the roof, and at the end of the show, the twins can be auctioned off on Ebay. I'll be the first one to bid if either of them looks like Drew.
Hoppy trails,
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