| Author |
Message |
Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 7:22 pm 
Nokomis is first to wake up, excited about wearing some of her new clothes from the Luxury Competition. She chooses militia pants to match her cap. It's so "Private Nokomis Reporting for Duty," but the pants fit better than any she brought into the house and are quite flattering. They are also more pleasing to the eye than anything in her brother's yellow wardrobe.
I don't know, but I've been told
Camouflage is better than gold
Wear it on your head and flanks
And team it with a braless tank
The Army now is where it's at
Forget about that Indian crap
It's sound off time, one, two, three, four
I'll serve my country 'cause I pinky swore
Having their coffee outside, Diane tells Nokomis about Cowboy waking her up last night, demanding an explanation for her past behavior.
Diane: He flipped on the light, sat on the bed, and said he wanted to chat. Drew and I were like, what the f---? Then he wanted to know if the rumors were true that I wanted him out the first week. How should I know? I can't remember what I was doing three days ago.
Bunny: I can. You were slobbering all over Drew.
Diane: He's on a power trip. That's crazy to ask me about stuff that happened that long ago. Can anyone tell me what I was doing three weeks ago? Huh?
Bunny: I can. You were slobbering all over Marvin.
Diane: I mean, come on. My strategy changes. I have no idea what my strategy was two weeks into the game.
Bunny: I do. It was slobbering all over Karen.
Diane: Then he called me out on saying I wanted only good-looking guys in the sequester house. I don't remember saying that.
Bunny: I do. You didn't want to slobber all over any ugly people.
Nokomis: I'm sure I'll experience his power trip today. Maybe then he'll go back to normal.
Cowboy tells Drew that taking Nokomis to the Final Three would guarantee him Final Two. "It's time for a guy to win. You and I need to be together at the end. The HOH will probably be a two-parter. The first part will be 'endurnse' (endurance) and the second part brain. You do good on brain. My only hope is 'endurnse.' Unless they make me do sumpin' with my bull-ridin' hand. That hand is shot."
Drew: But you only rode two or three bulls.
Cowboy: Yeah, but they was tough ones. Plumb tore up my fangers.
Drew: Did any come loose? Nokomis is making a necklace.
Cowboy: I'm scared that if you win the next HOH, you will take Diane with you to the Final Two. You're safe no matter what. She kept me in the game, so I owe her. But Nokomis is blood. This is going to be a hard decision. I don't know who to save. Everything comes down to the last HOH.
Drew: You better put down your water tumbler that day, dude. You don't want to p-ss your pants in the competition.
Cowboy: Why not? I done it before.
Drew: Yeah, but you'll ruin your new boots.
Cowboy: This time I'll catch it in my hat. It smells like whiz anyway, because....well, you know.
Drew: Right, right. Good thinking, man.
Late in the afternoon, the girls begin drinking. It doesn't take long for the alcohol to take effect. They decide to cook a slab of meat on the grill. While they're busy, the guys discuss final HOH scenarios.
Drew: Diane has more spunk than Nokomis; she runs off emotion. That's why she won the endurance competition against Jase.
Cowboy: But Nokomis is strong. She told us she was more like a man. She would be good at "endurnse" as well.
Drew: Nokomis is smart, too. I don't think Diane has all that much "up there."
Cowboy: You mean because she didn't know her capitals?
Drew: She didn't know Kentucky, man....Kentucky!
Cowboy: Yeah....that was bad. Really bad. Drew, can I ask you something?
Drew: Sure, dude...anything.
Cowboy: What was the capital of Oklahoma again?
Nokomis goes inside to replenish her beer, and while there, she corrals Cowboy and pleads her case.
Nokomis: Those two will take each other to the end. I promise I will take you.
Cowboy: I heard you tried to get me out.
Nokomis: I did everything I could to make sure you didn't go.
Cowboy: If I keep you, it will upset Drew; then he won't take me with him to the Final Two.
Nokomis: He's going to take Diane.
Cowboy: Will not.
Nokomis: Will to.
Cowboy: Nuh-huh.
Nokomis: Uh-huh.
Cowboy: Nope.
Nokomis: Yep.
BB: STOP THAT!
I love BB's new announcement. Last year all you heard was "Change your battery" or "Come to the Diary Room" or "HGs, it's a lockdown." This year they added, "Stop that!" and it has really come in handy for when they start talking about someone who hasn't signed a release or when they begin to sing. Unfortunately, BB doesn't take advantage of using it at other appropriate times, like when Drew and Diane start kissing or when Cowboy starts warming up his penis for a new trick or when Nokomis begins giving a play-by-play of her latest escapade in Bizarro World. And what a pity they didn't have it when the nose-pickers of prior seasons went to work.
Both girls are getting drunker, but most of the alcohol is being consumed by Nokomis. She can't work the grill and decides to take the meat inside to fry it. She puts it on a fork and waves it in the air, around the kitchen, in front of the camera. "MEAT! MEEEEEEEAT!" she yells. "Look at this meat! Big, big meat!" See what I mean, BB? You could use that new button right now before she launches into another "Nokomis as Nonotchka the Dominatrix" story.
In the backyard, Cowboy says he had his mind made up to save Diane, but after talking to Nokomis, he is considering saving her instead. "I just don't want you to hate me if I boot Diane." Drew says that he won't. Nokomis runs into the backyard, yelling, "NO MORE 'STRAJ-ETY' TALK! NO MORE 'STRAJ-ETY' TALK!" "Straj-ety" - all the more proof that Nokomis and Cowboy are truly brother and sister.
The men eat their dinner inside while the women eat outside. During the course of the meal, a really, really drunk Nokomis begins to sob. "I don't want either of those lying, cheating, stealing people to win this game! I don't care if I go home. I miss my family. I don't want to be here anyway with those two a--holes." The "two a--holes" see her crying through the window and decide to go outside to find out why.
Nokomis begins a long tirade about how hard it has been to play the BB game. "I have worked so hard to get this far. That's what f'ing sucks. No matter how hard you try, you could end up at the f'ing ass end. Nothing good comes from this piece of s--t game. This game will be won by someone who knows how to lie and cheat. I hate you, f'ing BB! Thank you for letting me find out I have a brother on f'ing TV, you f'ing d-cks! You f--ked up my life! Send me f'ing home, I don't care. I just want to be a normal person again. Get me out of here so I can see my family. F'ing BB can kiss my ass!" She's loud, incoherent, and distraught. If only she would go back to talking about black holes and asteroids. Or even meat.
Nokomis, Nokomis, Nokomis! Wherefore art thou, Nokomis? Where's the quiet girl who watched from afar, calculating her next move, intelligently manipulating the others, pinky swearing people into compliance? Where's the "Cool beans!" girl and the "Awesome, possum!" girl and the girl who brought in a rainbow on her head and bright rays of sunshine that came shining through the holes she punched in herself?
By the shores of Gitche Gume,
Sits Nokomis, Moon's drunk daughter
Ripples, waves of beer, not water
Fill the cup she now must guzzle
Brain cells dying, thoughts not clear now
Words come pouring from her pierced tongue
"F--k you, Arnold. Eat me, houseguests.
You, too, Bunny - die, you crack wh0re."
Cowboy: It's okay to be upset, Nicole-mis. There's no shame in crying.
Nokomis: You're the go-to guy on that.
Cowboy: For sure. I cried all season long. And do you think I have anything to be ashamed of?
Bunny: Funny you should ask.
Cowboy: Right now, I've got the toughest time of any of y'all. I have to vote one of you girls out this week.
Drew: Cowboy, that's not as hard as being on the block. The girls are the ones feeling the pressure.
Drew's remark stings and Cowboy sits back in his chair to sulk. He fights back the tears, although knowing that if they flow, he won't feel ashamed. Bunny will, but it will probably be awhile before he hears it.
Nokomis wanders off to the hammock to be alone, and the others go inside.
Diane: So, do I have to have a crying fit like that to win this game? That was all an act, you know.
Drew: I don't think it was. I believe she's genuinely upset. And it could really hurt her in the game, not help her.
Cowboy tells Nokomis that the game isn't over yet. "You've made it this far. Stay strong." Nokomis lets Cowboy know that she plans to help him open a dude ranch for kids if he keeps her in the game. Whoops, that was the wrong thing to say. Cowboy doesn't want to open a dude ranch - the only thing he wants to open is a show on 42nd Street.
Nokomis, a sure way to get Cowboy's vote is to tell him that if you win, you're going to finance the Cowboy Corral, a theatre where all the plays are written by, produced by, and performed by Cowboy: "South Pacific Cowboy," "La Cage aux Cowboy," "Cowboy and the Lion King." Tell him you'll only keep enough money out of the 500 grand to buy yourself a camouflage dress for Opening Night, and that the only thing you want in return is a job stapling the Playbills together.
Hoppy trails,
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