| Author |
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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Thursday, September 16, 2004 - 2:29 pm 
During the last Live Show, Cowboy held the fate of his sister in his hands, but unlike John Cusack, who willingly gave his sister Joan a leg up in "Say Anything" and "Gross Pointe Blank," Cowboy chose to send his sibling packing. I don't know about you, but I think she left too soon. She was still a couple of fingers short of a robust necklace, and I was just starting to figure out what that tattoo is on her shoulder. By the way, Nokomis left shrouded in pixie dust. She was all "Cool beans!" and "I love you all!" and "I hold no grudges; it's just a game." Sweet as sugar and sappy happy, unlike those on the jury who went before her.
Back at the Sequester House, Will still isn't speaking to the twins, Karen is drawing vicious caricatures, and Marvin hates everybody. Remind me never to play any of them in Monopoly. I would hate for one of them to put piss in my margarita just because I refused to sell Boardwalk.
Nokomis wants to commemorate her BB mental breakdown by having a tattoo of herself in pink hair, laced up in a straitjacket, inked on her neck. First of all, I don't know what it is about her neck that it cries to be written on, whether it's a "Hi, Mom" message, or the phone number of the "Lash Me in Latex" Fetish Ball (yeah, I dialed it....so what?), or a self-portrait a la Frances Farmer, but frankly, no good can come out of going through life with pictures carved on your esophagus. The only ones who benefit from your mistake are the people in the turtleneck sweater business; trust me when I say they'll become your favorite wardrobe staple for job interviews and Thanksgiving at Granny's.
To make it worse, who puts a photo of HERSELF on her body? Lots of people put pictures of their loved ones, or of Jesus, or of Jon Bon Jovi, but not of themselves. It's way too narcissistic, and certainly not in vogue. I'll give Will the upturned collar (Elvis lives!), and Karen the wedges (do I have to?), and Cowboy the purple shirt (purple is the new pink, after all), but I cannot and will not allow Nokomis to paint herself on herself. She can carve her mug on a totem pole if she wants to, but that's as far as I'll go.
After Nokomis is evicted, the three remaining HGs go to the backyard to compete for Part One of a three-part HOH competition. The first phase has something to do with earthquakes and tumbling rocks, like "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" or "Stone Stampede" or "Pelted by Puny-ass Pebbles," the less-painful section of the challenge put in so Cowboy wouldn't cry. Maybe it was "Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder" as a way of giving mad props to Nokomis for daring to go braless on national television, I really can't remember.
Anyway, Diane, Drew, and Cowboy climb up on the rocks to begin the competition, during which each HG must hold on to a key that is welded into a box, while a simulated earthquake tries to shake loose their hands. Unfortunately, before you can say, "Dadburnit, I'm afraid your deputy's a goner, Marshall Drew," Cowboy takes his fingers off his key when he tries to help Diane with her pony tail. Now, he must step aside and wait to see who walks away the winner: his fellow Horseman or his fellow Horseman's filly.
After watching for awhile, Cowboy goes inside to fill up his tumbler in the trough. While he's out of hearing range, Drew tells Diane he will throw the competition and let her take it. Before he can do so, however, Diane falls off the pedestal she was standing on into the pile of rocks, leaving Drew the Phase One victor. She assures him that she didn't throw it, and that she'll win Part Two. "I'll be the bad guy for you and kick Cowboy out."
Cowboy and Diane get ready to compete in the second part of the HOH competition, which consists of answering trivia questions. This could take awhile if anything comes up about capitals. As it turns out, the winning question is a tongue twister, and Cowboy runs away with it. At least we think he did - it was hard to tell. It had something to do with David Schwimmer selling seashells down by the seashore.
Cowboy tells Drew that he knows how he is going to spend any money he wins at the end of the game. "I'm going to buy a new truck, and my fiancee's going to get a new car, and I'm going to open a dude ranch for kids, and I'm going to take my family on a vacation, and I'm......" Whoa, there, Cowpoke! Better pull those reins back a bit! Have you checked the price of dude ranches lately, or any of the rest of the items on your list? The last time I checked, after Uncle Sam takes his bite out of the biscuit, there won't be enough to pay for weekly brow waxing appointments, much less all the other. At the rate you're going, you'll have the cash spent in no time, and you'll be forced to freak dance in front of Wal-mart for chump change. Which isn't a bad thing, really. I know I'd pay to see it.
Hoppy trails,
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