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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 9:06 am 
Please read the summary at bb5bbq.com today so I can get a readership count. You do not have to register at the site, and I promise I will not question your loyalty to TVCH!
Thank you,
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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 9:45 am
Bunny will chat on thefishbowl.com this Thursday, Sept. 23, at 7pm PST, 10pm EST. If you've enjoyed Bunny Tales this season or any season, please show your support by joining her to discuss this season of "Big Brother."
The wranglers are saddled up for the last ride to the HOH competition. Drew and Cowboy are asked to predict the answers to questions posed to the sequestered jury. Questions like, "Will, which HG are you more attracted to, Drew or Scott?" (Will answers Scott, which is a dead giveaway that his copy of Playgirl has yet to arrive) and "Karen, which HG makes a better chicken, George or Jase?" (Karen answers Jase, her reasoning being that George did a great chicken dance but Jase was more likely to get plucked) and "Adria, which HG was the biggest crybaby, Autumn, Bunky, or Cowboy?" (Adria correctly answers Autumn, which goes without saying. You'd cry, too, if Mike Boogie was trying to get in your pants.)
I'm just kidding about Scott. It's just that if you're going to put it out there - I mean, really out there - then you're just asking for someone to bring you back down to size.
Drew wins the challenge and is instructed to choose either Diane or Cowboy to stand next to him as half of the Final Two.
Drew: I've made promises to both of you, so one of you is going to be shocked at my decision. Diane, I choose to evict you.
Diane: Wha??? But, but....I thought we were going to be the next hot couple....the one to make people say Trista and Ryan who?....Britney and Kevin Federline who?......J. Lo and Marc Anthony and Cleopatra who?.....What's it all about, Alfie? Was it just for the moment you lived?
Drew: Pretty much. You've always known there's a little rabbit waiting for me out there, Diane. She means everything to me. And she knows the capital of Kentucky like the back of her paw.
Diane: Is that true, Bunny?
Bunny: More or less. Sometimes I get mixed up and say it's Lexington, and other times Louisville, but, yeah, for the most part, I know it.
Diane: Obviously, I can't compete with that.
Cowboy: Cut her loose. Footloose.
Drew: I'm sorry, Diane.
BB gives the boys a bottle of champagne to toast their victory. "Here's to the Horsemen!" says Cowboy. "Yeah, to the Horsemen!" echoes Drew. "Yee-haw!" says Bunny, just because they forgot to.
In another grand moment of celebration, the two buckaroos don cowboy hats and look for a broom or other makeshift horse. They discover that the flagsticks from the golf course will work, and proceed to ride them around the backyard, yelling, "The Horsemen ride to the end!" and "Cowboy it up!" and "I think we're supposed to yell 'Yee-haw!'" (It's your catch phrase, not mine.) Cowboy says he's looking forward to getting out of the house and starting a new career in show business.
Cowboy: My fiancee knows I want to act. She understands that I'll have to kiss other women, and she's okay with that, as long as one of them isn't Julia Roberts.
Bunny: Consider it done.
The Final Two steel themselves for the hard jury questions. Adria questions Drew about his strategy, Karen wants to know why Cowboy voted out his sister, Will wants the two to face each other and give reasons why each should win. The toughest questions come from Marvin, who calls Cowboy a racist and Drew a womanizer.
Marvin: You called Diane trailer trash, Pretty Boy.
Drew: That wasn't me, that was Scott. And Bunny.
Bunny: I didn't mean it; it was just a joke - you know, because she was kissing everybody. And maybe because of that tennis skirt.
Marvin: Cowboy, why you gotta go hatin' on the black man?
Cowboy: I done got no idea what you're talkin' 'bout, Marvin. I've always had proud in my black friends.
Marvin: You don't fool me. Every time I was on the block, you tried to vote me out. And tell me this: when's the last time you wore a black shirt?
Bunny: Busted!
Cowboy: It's a gradual process, Marvin. I've moved a bit away from yeller and more towards the purple hues. I'll work my way to black, just you wait and see. It's baby steps.
The boys spend their final three days in the house agonizing over the vote and planning their future. Drew is debating whether or not he wants to attend law school, and so is Cowboy. I repeat, so is Cowboy. But he can't decide between that and med school. I repeat, he can't decide between that and med school. That is, if his sitcom doesn't take off. You already know where I'm going with this, don't you?
Sorry, but I'm going to leave it to the rest of you to break it to dear, sweet Cowboy that CBS is going to dump him like a hot potato as soon as this game is over, and that the only other gig he's going to get will be a spot on the next Surreal Life with Tammy Faye Baker and Flavor Flav. Maybe, just maybe, the principal at his old high school will ask him to ride a broomstick horse around the gym yelling "Yee-haw!" at the next basketball game, but only if Cowboy promises to wear his Squirrels mascot uniform.
I could be wrong. Cowboy may get his Western sitcom, and all the BB5 HGs may be offered guest spots. It might happen in that alternate universe that Nokomis is so fond of, and with the new developments in RealPlayer technology, we may actually be able to tune in when it does. I'll be ready with my popcorn, hoping for a glimpse of Lonesome Drew, and keeping my fingers crossed that every episode will open with a boot-scootin' freak dance sequence and a hat trick. And I know you'll be watching right along with me, won't you? Yeeeeee-haw!
Hoppy trails,
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