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Bunny
Member
09-01-2000
| Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 9:53 am 
Drew won. I knew he would. Anybody who sleeps all day can't possibly make any enemies. It's a strategy that will be copied for many BBs to come.
And today I'm crying like the Cowboy. I can't help it. It's over. BB5 is really over. Now I have to go back to watching Dr. Phil while I'm on the treadmill instead of the live feeds. As if listening to him advise people on how to diagnose serial killing tendencies in your two-year-old can even compare to anything Scott ever did.
What did you think of Scott last night at the finale? Besides the newborn chick thing he had going on with his hair, I thought he came off as a decent guy. If he ever goes back into the house as a member of BB All-Stars, I'll insist that he return to the Scott of old, but the new Scott might be someone I'd share a pizza with. Or a shower, if he's now open to them.
On the other hand, Jase didn't fare as well. He gave the phrase "incoherent babbling" a whole new meaning. Did anyone catch a word he said? Something about Marvin and burning cats and "You wanted my woman, Scott!" and "nark." Then "nark" again. I don't know. I think Jase may have lost his shot at a call from Hollywood with that rant. People in the biz have a thing about diction.
Speaking of Cowboy, I was really disappointed that his newfound father didn't make an appearance - you know, just to say, "Hi, I'm your Pops. Sorry I haven't been around for the last 20 some odd years." Maybe he didn't show up because he didn't want to be hit with a subpoena for back child support. It's a shame he was a no-show, though, because I heard he was part of the final DNA twist. We were going to find out that he and Michael's mother were actually brother and sister. It would have gone a long way to explain Cowboy.
I'm just kidding about that. Everybody loved Michael. In fact, I'm going to apply for BB6 and go in trying to be "BB's next Cowboy." The only difference is, English will be my first language.
I was happy to see so many of the HGs dressed up for their big debut back into the real world. Yeah, right...or as Drew would say, "Yeah, right, right." The ones who came straight from Puerto Vallarta forgot they were no longer at the beach, with the exception of Nokomis, who can always be counted on to promote Camp Kum-Ba-Yah or Kee-Mo-Sah-Bee or whatever the heck that old shirt says. And she's never without her camouflage cap these days, which I'm so afraid she's going to use for tattoo inspiration and come out looking like a turtle. I'm sure we can all agree that no one wants to see that - at least not until BB All-Stars.
Then there was Will. Sure, I gave him the okay to continue sporting the Elvis collar he's so fond of, but I didn't mean he could take it full tilt boogie with a jacket circa "Girl Happy." I haven't actually seen the movie, but you can bet that jacket is in it. Will, the next time you go to Graceland to unearth the fashion archives, try the red sweater and black tights that Ann-Margret wore in "Viva Las Vegas." You of all people could pull it off.
Mike sure pulled the rug out from under Karen last night, didn't he? She was stunned. You could tell it stressed her out because her hand went directly to her lap. I thought Karen was an interesting player in the game, but then they all were. Well, all except Holly - I'm not sure anyone ever told her what she was doing there. She had the whole thing confused with "Elimidate."
And did anyone hear her fart last night? I could have sworn I heard something. But maybe not, or it would have been in the earth-shattering section of the morning news.
I guess Mike wasn't in the game to play either. I heard he was just looking for an inside track to add to his BB autograph collection. Now the only one he has left to get is mine. Don't worry, my signature comes cheap. Heck, I'll give you my John Hancock for a fast-food salad. The only problem is, I have nothing to write with, and I'm not talking pencils here. People keep cutting off my feet for good luck. The look's not working for me - going paw-less hasn't been popular since the '60s. Nokomis, take note.
Speaking of me, Adria and Natalie must have left the stuffed bunny at the Sequester House. I didn't see it last night. Someone call me if it ends up on Ebay. On second thought, don't. Starting a Bunny shout-out collection would take too much time, and it's only going to get worse. Last year it was Erika's coat, this year it's the beanie baby, next year it's liable to be a Glenn Close guest appearance - frankly, I can't keep up. Some guy was even carrying a sign last night with my picture on it. Where the hell was Security? It wasn't even my best side. Listen, Stalker Man, if you insist on parading my photo around in a public place, the least you can do is shell out two bucks for a Bunny button. Sheesh.
Lori looked g-g-gorgeous at the finale but she was merely a warm-up for what was to come: Jason in the house! I'm telling you, kids, if BB All-Stars doesn't send that guy into the game, I'll eat Cowboy's hat. Maybe not the one that has faint traces of urine, but the other one. I want Jason playing again, and I want him sharing a bed with Drew. That way, I won't have to switch live feeds all night long. Heaven for a mere $19.95. Actually, I want a bedroom completely outfitted with nothing but BB hunks. Call me for a list.
Miss Amy was there, too, but she wasn't sitting with Marcellas. Why the heck not? Would you ever seat Will without Grace? Kermit without Miss Piggy? J. Lo without Chris Judd, I mean Ben Affleck, I mean Marc Anthony? It was the reunion all BB fans were waiting for, if you don't count Nicole and Hardy, which I don't and never will.
I have no idea what happened with Diane and Drew after the show. I hope nothing, but that's just me. Men like Drew need to be passed around and shared. Women like Diane have already been passed around and shared and are ready to call it a night.
I'm just kidding about that. I always tend to pick on the girls who take my men: Nicole, Diane, etc. I actually feel no real animosity toward any of them. I bet they would even be fun to hang out with. I'd like to put it to the test, so what do you say, Nicole? Let's do lunch. At Hardy's place. And Diane, grab Drew and meet me at the local elementary school where we can run through a little geography bee, just a couple of gals looking for some global fun. I'll even give you some lead time to look over the maps while I wait in the janitor's closet with Drew. No need to thank me - that's just the kind of person I am.
You can bring Marvin, too, if you want. I know the two of you kind of had a thing going. I don't know how he is at geography, but he seems quite knowledgeable about the human body, most specifically booties and spleens.
Surely there's an opportunity waiting for Marvin after this show. If not a running gig on "The Young and Restless," then maybe med school. With Cowboy. Marvin knows all there is to know about cadavers and Cowboy knows all there is to know about finding a place to hang your stethoscope. Those two dudes with 'tudes were made to wear the white coat. Or the white jacket, as it were.
I'm not saying either of them is crazy, or any of their housemates, for that matter. However, you have to admit, only a person who is "different" would lock himself up in a house for three months and expose all his flaws to the world, not to mention Bunny. And by "different," I mean totally wacko.
I suppose if you're going in because you need the money, that's one thing. But if you sign up to get discovered as the next, say, Brad Pitt, then I'm afraid you'll be bitterly disappointed. The moment you walk out that door, your 15-minute notoriety countdown is already down to thirteen minutes. By the time BB6 starts, it will have dropped all the way to four, and the only thing that can keep you at that level indefinitely is a mention now and then in Bunny Tales. Sorry, but I don't make the rules. It's all about the Bunny - always has been, always will be. Put that in a hat and chew it. Not Cowboy's, but somebody's.
Hoppy trails until next season,
Don't forget to join the Bunny at thefishbowl.com this Thursday, September 23 at 7pm PST, 10pm EST for a Live Chat!
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