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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:12 pm 
K: this is a weird BB night. it's almost morbid
NIC: i never knew how attached i was to home until now
K: in a weird way, now that i'm thinking about stuff ... fights i've picked with my mom, things i've fought with my husband about and i'm going 'what was i doing, what was i thinking" i have had anger temper problems, bad ... so bad that i can't even believe i passed the psych tests. I'm reading it .. have you ever done this, that .. and i'm going "nope"
NIC: i once was seeing a psychiatrist and i was the only female patient that would punch walls .. i would take stuff out on my family until they started getting freaded out. NOw i take stuff out on myself.
K: i wish i would've taken it out on myself, but i had to do it on the people i really cared about
NIC: no, you don't. after awhile, you start to like it. that's what i did
K: nic, i've gone ballistic. to the point where i was almost begging to just get me somewhere ... to get fixed
NIC: i've been to those places
K: maybe it's an art thing .. i'm talking the past year, i'm 30 . i'm old for that
NIc; that's why i'm so mellow ... if i'm mellow all the time, there's no way i can get questioned .. if you're mellow all the time
K: just before this, i was questioning my own self. if i go somewhere now and end up medicated ... this isn't going to happen.
NIC: i've been to two .. i've been on hardcore medication ... i thought that was going to keep me .. none of the people in this show have noticed a single thing about me ..
K: i noticed
NIC: they didn't
K: i know what it is, but it seems so healed up and old now
NIc: year and years ... whenever you start to like it, you like it
K: it's a trait of that, in particular .. literally, i've gone ballistic over things that don't mean anything.
NIC: someone doesn't pick something up for you at the store .. and you're like 'what the hell?!"
K: for the people who have supported me .. giving up (?) for 13 years ...
Nic: that's one more reason .. i don't care how many times people say they're not winning this s*** for themselves ... they are. If i won it, i'm getting the smallest percentage ... i'm giving to my mother, my father, my sister's college .. and something else that i don't think i should talk about on television. All i want is enough for a down payment on a house. I might get $25,000 and the rest goes to everybody else i know
K: i get so mad .. the thing with the taxes .. cuts it down
NIC: state taxes?
K: its a specific tax when you win something. when i won the card, it got hammered down to over a third. rupert on survivor, won a million dollars and it went down to $575,000
NIC: well, it's still kind of enough
K: the CD rates are .. phet
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Willow
Member
07-23-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:25 pm
After lots of conversation about other stuff -- K going on about what a loner she is, how much she only knew outcasts in high school -- K mentions that she's been suicidal. Nik as well. K says it's in her family, her cousin; I think Nik said "my dad" (?) Nik talks about how she's hung a noose from a tree, but realized that it would hurt her mom too much. That's why neither of them will have a gun in their home. They think maybe this is an artisan tendency.
Karen keeps repeating herself, very emotional voice. (I get the feeling that K is talking about all this in order to bond with and/or one-up Nik, but maybe she is being semi-sincere; it's hard to tell.)
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:28 pm
K: i've been .. from the day i walked in here .. so unhappy with the living situation. the whole reason we're here ... i'm emotionally insane and i can't live like that. i'm so happy now ... (ed: missed it)
K: i have so much regret for the way i've been acting towards the people i love. this is like a little bit of a therapy slap.
NIC: i owe people apologies
K: i have a list, a couple biggies
Nic: i'm getting better, but b/c i don't want to go back to places
K: usually people that are withdrawn are like that. Art people do that b/c they can withdraw
Nic: here there are cameras .. so ...
K: that's why they were hammering me ... growing up, i was antisocial. i had 2 friends ... they had issues ... didn't last long b/c of those issues .. and then i was alone. you spend a lot of time alone doing it ... i happened to meet somebody who embraced it ... i could go with him places and go home ... alone.
Nic: you don't seem that antisocial.
K: i know, i like being around people, if my husband was here ... i'm needy in that way. i'm probably overdependant on him. this is good for me. normally, i couldn't sit and talk to strangers
NIc: i usually enjoy talking to strangers more than people i know sometimes
K: when i came in here, i was like oh god, what am i going to do .. i'm going to be the one who is not cool ... there's always the girls who are slamming pretty, the ones are are pretty and don't try at all and the ones who don't fit in anywhere .. no one's going to want to talk to me. Last minute, i just thought i was going to have to be my normal, stupid trash mouth. Kinda normal.
Nic: i was nervous as hell. i rarely wear makeup... nothing beats breaking the ice than giving someone a couple seconds of entertainment... i just wanted a fun summer
K: yeah, i thought it was going to be very different.
Nic: i didn't think i was going to connect with anyone here. but a chance at a half million dollars
K: and the boys with the antics ... i know it was entertaining, but i would prefer to not be entertained, have some relaxation... literally, when i say i want to take a golf club and beat people, i do ... baaad.
Nic: i know that i'll never do it, but i literally worry about myself when i'm at home about committing murder. That's why i want to be a forensic psychologist. i want to know what makes people lose control ... people can piss me off, i'm so laid back ... i want to know what makes people lose it.
K: i have .. and i look like Suzie homemaker. i've been suicidal. i haven't made a hardcore attempt .. it's in my family, my cousin ... i don't know if it's genetic
Nic: i think it may be an artist thing .. we have these woods behind my house ... tied the rope to the tree, stood there 'okay, this is what i'm going to do" ... but it would upset my mom too much, so i took it down.
K: i have the moments when i'm not in that state and i can't believe myself and i scare myself that i thought that way. where i live, a lot of people have firearms to protect their home and i don't want one.
Nic: that's why i don't have a gun
K: i get where i don't know what i'm doing in my head
NIC: i'll be at the point where i'm like screw it, i hate it, i hate everything
K: imagine how you would feel if you had a great career b/c the person you loved sacrificed theirs .. to make you happy ... imagine you treated that person unfairly and now you're going to go sit down and do what you love ... it's called guilt. i don't need to redeem myself, our relationship is outstanding, he's the greatest man. Looking back, i can see the fights that i caused... that he got through ...
Nic: but that's healthy
K: we're the most stable sound couple .. he deals with me .. good, bad and ugly ...
Nic: me and donald .. both introverted people .. we don't like to share our feelings ..
K: i really needed to be extracted .. i take for granted the solid relationship i have
Nic: stuff like this, i'm in awe ... i've never known how much i care about the people i'm around until now ...
K: me too, me too
NIC: i never noticed how much i need people ...
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Willow
Member
07-23-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:28 pm
Nik says she's getting the money in part for her sister, but she won't say why. K digs around for why, and it is strongly implied that her sister is pregnant -- due in Nov/Dec. She's 16. Then K completely violates Nik's stated desire to keep this under the surface by saying "You're going to be an aunt! An aunt with a pink mohawk!"
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Morning_magic
Member
07-03-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:31 pm
Feeds 1 & 2 - Nak & Karen chatting outside.
Feeds 3 & 4 - Conference in cloud room. Will, CB, twins. Twins bring up concern of losing ring in competition. CB tells when he lost his ring in first marriage. Found it the next day and called his wife and apologized to her. One twin says she has a better story. Took rings off, put lotion on her hand. (talking fast) Realized she didn't have her diamonds on. Sprinted for a mile, then found the diamonds in the snow. Was sick over it. Never will take them off again without putting them away first.
The other twin tells a story now involving her rings.
CB says he takes off his ring to take a shower. if he goes to work and doesn't see it, he'll call April to make sure they are there at home.
They continue to talk about rings and the concerns they have about losing them.
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:33 pm
MIssed what was said ... something about Nic's sister ...
K: she's going to grow up fast, you're going to be an aunt (ed: oh, ok)
NIc: my dad with his problems ... now i'm worried about his wife's health problems ... etc .. i would give my right arm just to know.
K: my grandma in VT .. broke her hip when i was going to the first sequester ... everybody else apparently knew i was going on the show .. .releases in the mail ... i got a letter from my dad grandma had another fracture that they had missed ... rehab ... she had a dislocated shoulder and when i left, she was possibly getting out of rehab .. and i'm sitting there with this release and it's like 'grandma, with your one arm, can you sign..."
NIc: i wonder if anybody else felt that way .. lost and confused .. for the first time in my life, i don't know what's going on
K: and i don't want to share with others, b/c they'll want to send me home
NIC: i told the shrink .. he said 'you seem like an animal lover, if an animal and a human needed to be saved, who would you save' and i'm like 'the animal" .. they don't have voices ...
K: human beings use them for our own amusement and then discard them .. makes me mad
NIc says she has to pee, will be back. Karen says she has to next.
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:36 pm
Nik and Karen during above conversation
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Morning_magic
Member
07-03-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:37 pm
Twins are describing their husbands, Will wonders which one he'd like better, Breck or Lenny. They think Breck.
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:40 pm
NIk and K back out in BR now, feed returns to them rather than poker game.
Diane announced to Karen that she started her period. (for all those wondering)
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:44 pm
NIc and Karen's conversation has shifted a bit ... now talking about wisdom teeth. Nic had braces, gave her a permanent retainer ... the retainer broke something
Actually, Karen has just now gone into the house to pee ... Nic sitting with her beer. Tells Diane and Drew that her tooth is hurting. Has a recessed tooth that wants to grow out of her face right now.
Feed moves to Diane/Drew/Marv
D: it sucks when you're on your period and you want to eat a lot .. when women are on the period, they release a certain smell that attracts men...
Mar: you don't have to release that ... you could smell like (something) and men would be attracted to you ...
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Morning_magic
Member
07-03-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:45 pm
CB leaves the room. They continue to describe their husbands to Will. They bring up Nicholas Cage in Little Boy Blue. Twin describes incident where a 62-year old gay guy comes up and takes the mike away from Breck when he was singing, blows into the mic and tells him, whatever you want.
W says the gay guys in the south are desperate. ... Will says he would never flirt with Drew. Guys he goes for have tatoos and rocker-type piercings. Drew's not his type.
More talk about guys being hit up by gay guys.
Will says gay guys are always looking for 10's, so its a big compliment when you get hit on by a gay guy.
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Morning_magic
Member
07-03-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:53 pm
Twin remarks about conversation where Diane tells Drew, "I want to have your babies." They says they could play a clip of Drew saying, "I know, I feel the same way."
Will describes incidents where he was acting silly with Drew, and Drew didn't realize it.
Twin talks about mooning and other funny things that have happened.
Will gets up and goes, Twin in pink puts on a blue jacket, the twins are talking, walk out to living room, Nak there, remarks about the clothes they are wearing, they walk to the kitchen.
(I'm out for the evening.)
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Phase2
Member
04-21-2004
| Saturday, August 07, 2004 - 11:57 pm
I'm out for the night, so I leave you with a view of the HG's ... Diane/Drew/Marv playing poker and the rest of the HG's preparing things to eat. G'night
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